Names and Letters
by Ramses-Lives
Summary: When Blair and Chuck's daughter finally meets her father, will she be able to bring her estranged parents back together? Future Fic. Please R&R. UPDATED 3/24/09
1. Chapter 1

Names and Letters

Names and Letters Chapter One:

Her "friends" call her Waldorf, affectionately, when she is being the perfect benevolent queen of _The Quarter_, the French equivalent of her mothers old UES. She walks around, plastering a fake smile on her face like a mask, the scarf she uses as a headband flapping in the wind behind her. Pleasantries are only a way to stay on top here, a hard task for anyone, but for her an expectation and routine.

Her enemy's call her Bass, when they are in the catacomb clubs while the City of Lights burn out above them. In the dark, loud clubs, with a tumbler of scotch in her hand, she can't quite bring that fake smile to her face as she greets them. All she can do is smirk. The smart ones bow down and kiss her perfect toes. The idiots go down in a blaze the next day.

Her mother calls her Alabaster, her absurd middle name. Perfect, porcelain white as her skin; perfect, porcelain white as the toilet she peers into when she is weak. Blair, as she calls her mother to irritate her, wants to love and accept her like her mother never did. The only problem with that scenario, the reason why she is the lethal, beautiful statue everyone in _The Quarter_ admires, is that her mother can't look her in the eyes.

Her godfather Eric calls her by her first name, Charlotte. He visits when he can, sometimes on planned visits, sometime when her mother has to get away from living in the same house as her. Understanding Eric is always there is listen, laugh, then leave. But then again, she is use to being left.

She calls herself Chuck only on Father's Day, and only to herself.

On the eve of Father's Day, she makes sure not to drink. She wakes up bright and early and goes to the motel room she rented a year in advance to the day. Charlotte Alabaster Bass-Waldorf lies to her mother she is out with "friends". She goes in the spacious room and sits at the oak desk.

Every year she takes the same stationary, with updated logo's and writes a letter. After she is done, she addresses it and seals it. Then she makes her way to her secret safe deposit box provided by the bank in the foyer of the hotel, which is filled with nothing but the other letters from years past. Some years the letter is one page, some years it is ten pages long.

No matter how perfect Waldorf is, she writes the lines slanted downwards.

No matter how tough Bass is, she can't bring herself to mail them.

No matter how loved Alabaster is, she knows there is a chance he won't love her.

No matter how understood Charlotte is, she knows he won't understand her mother's decision.

All these facets of her personality form into what she calls herself that one day of the year, the one day she is not broken. Chuck. She calls herself Chuck only on Father's Day, and only to herself. She signs the letters Chuck, if only to feel close to the man she has never known, but always dreamed of.

And when she signs the letter Chuck, if only for one brief second, she feels connected to the father her mother weeps over every night.

This is my first Gossip Girl story, I know the idea's probably already been done, but here is my take on it. Please R&R with your ideas of how the story should go and if you like it! :)


	2. Chapter 2

Summer of her junior year had only begun one week ago, and already she was bored. She still had a lot to do, the required lunch here, a charity party there. None of which really bothered her, but home life was getting unbearable. Not that any of it was her mothers fault. Charlotte was sure it was her fault, in some way. No matter how much she tried to be the perfect daughter, the whole eye contact thing was always a lingering issue between the two of them.

That is why she hated summers, because she had no reason to stay in her room while at home. There was no homework to concentrate on, no big report that forced her to take supper in her room. Parties only got her out of the house after 10, so that wasn't help. Lunches with "friends" only took up an hour or two. And to be perfectly honest, there is only so much shopping you can do without wanting to slit your wrist with those golden credit cards in the middle of the Gucci store.

This was the first day she had been home for lunch since school got out. Her mother, Blair, sat across from her, going on and on about work, being very careful not to make eye contact. Blair would always talk about her work as an editor at Jalouse, a fashion magazine. After the first course, it would be her daughters turn to talk.

Charlotte would play with the food Dorota had cooked, pushing it around with the fork. She never ate much, anywhere. She would talk about her "friends" and her new clothes. She might mention something she read in the newspaper if dessert didn't come as fast as normal. Lunch was a routine, and Charlotte followed a very strict set of rules that she had established and followed since she was a toddler.

**1) Never ask a personal question to Blair.**

**2) Never ask about Blair's past.**

**3) Never, ever mention Chuck, or butterflies.**

A sad smile tugging on her perfectly ruby red lips, Charlotte remembered when she was 8, and it was during another awkward summer lunch with her mother.

_"So, Mother, if you're free Saturday, my friends and I want to go to this butterfly exhibition that is being..."_

_Across the table, Blair had set her fork down loudly and cleared her throat. For the first time in month's, Charlotte realized her mother was staring at her, her face ghost white, her doe-eyes tearing up. "What kind of exhibition dear?" The words were quiet and forced._

_"A, uh, butterfly one," my 8 year old voice trembled, as I put my fork down too, putting on my best smile. "You know, cute little things with wings. Sometimes if you like someone they use the expression..."_

_"I know the expression." She said abruptly, tears falling down her face as she sat up quickly. "Eric will come and take care of you. I forgot I had a business trip, I will be back in a week or so." With that she left, and Dorota babysat me until Eric was able to take the flight._

That was the first time I saw my mother cry. Up until that point, I had thought that mother was the strongest person alive. At that point, I realized she was broken, just like me. We were just very good at hiding it.

My mother's voice pierced my thoughts, bringing my attention back reality, "Alabaster, I have a business trip coming up, so Eric will be here later tonight. I won't be back for a few days, but I'm sure you will be on your best behavior."

"Of course," I said smiling. My mother hadn't a clue what my worst behavior was, but I would never be anything but perfect around Eric and her for that matter. I had cracked once last year when he was around, but that hadn't been my fault. And I learned my lesson.

Thinking back to that time, all I wanted to do was run into the bathroom and force up all my fears. But I couldn't. I wouldn't be weak anymore. I just needed to get out of here, needed to stop being stifled by this house full of silence and secrets.

Maybe God had heard my prayer, because at that moment, my cell phone vibrated softly in my pocket and I excused myself from the room. Looking at the bright letters displayed by the caller I.D., I couldn't help but smile as I answered.

"What do you want Sparks?" I said in the haughtiest voice I could muster. Sebastian Sparks and I had been cohorts for as long as I could remember. He went to school here until a year or two ago, when his mother relocated their family back to the Upper East Side. Money and boredom didn't stop him from visiting though.

"Retract those manicured claws Bass, you know you secretly love me." The deep voice replied. I could almost see his smirk.

"Oh yes, you caught me. Marry me or I'll die."

"I bet your funeral would be a blast."

"Screw you."

A laugh filled the line for a moment. "Just kidding. I'm in town for the day. I'll be at the Taillevent for drinks later, if you want would be kind enough to bestow the likes of me with the gift of a few hours of your company."

"I can only be there for a little while, Eric is coming tonight."

Silence; Sparks, though the psychotic prodigy of his psychotic mother, knew a lot of my life. And to top it off, he probably cared a bit too. That was okay, because I knew about his family life too, and oddly enough, I might care as well

"I understand. I'll order the scotch for you when I get there." Then he hung up.

She smiled; he was probably the closest thing she had to a friend. They had grown up together and understood each other family without having to talk about it. That was the one rule of their unique friendship. Not to talk about anything personal, because God knows they moped about their own lives enough. When they were together it was suppose to be just fun.

She went back into the dining room, seeing Dorota cleaning up. "Ah, Little Miss Blair," Charlotte rolled her eyes at this, but smiled sweetly. Dorota thought of her as a replica of Blair, and had never called her anything other but _Little Miss Blair_ in that thick accent of hers. "You didn't eat enough," she continued, looking at her critically, "I will make you and Mr. Eric a snack for tonight. You will eat that snack, yes?"

"Of course!" I replied, not wanting her to worry. She worried far too much for my liking anyways. "Where is my mother?"

"Ah, Miss Blair left while you were on the phone. She said to tell you goodbye. She misses you so much when she is away."

Sure, I thought sarcastically to myself and left to go get changed before meeting Sparks.

* * *

He was waiting at the bar, his back hunched over a drink. His auburn hair gelled back perfectly, his green eyes staring intently into his drink. I slide quietly onto the comfortable seat next to his. The moment I sat down, the bartender set a tumbler of scotch on a coaster in front of me.

"Salut Sparks." I said automatically, taking a sip of scotch and loving the burning sensation it sent down my throat.

"Bonjour Bass." He replied, clicking his glass with mine.

Old habits die hard; we had greeted each other that way since grade school.

"I have to be gone soon. Eric is coming in about an hour."

"Yeah, yeah. Listen, how would you feel about coming to New York in a week or so?"

Truthfully I felt cold and scared and excited all at once. I had never been out of France, my passport tucked in my mother's safe behind a painting in her room. However, I just smiled lazily at him and shrugged. He had that glint in his eyes that would worry most people, but just amused me.

"I have this party, and I need a date."

"I'm sure you could hire someone. Why do you need me?"

"It's the Van der Bass anniversary party. Lily and Bart made it another year."

He was looking at me way to closely for my comfort after he said those words, looking for any cracks in the statue. I finished my drink quickly and flashed my most wicked smile at him. "Why not Sparks? Might be fun, just text me the information." Standing up, I air kissed each of his cheeks. "Don't have too much fun without me tonight."

Waving as I left the building, I could feel his eyes boring into my back. I knew I should have stayed longer, pretended to be fine longer, but that suffocated feeling came back full blast at the mention of _that_ family.

I walked and walked until I got to my house. My feet should be hurting, but I just felt numb. Ignoring Dorota, I went straight to my room and locked the door. Flinging my coat on my bed, I went into my private bathroom and locked that door too. Shaking, I kneeled in front of that perfect, white porcelain bowl.

I felt heavy, and shaky. Mostly just heavy, wondering why had I agreed. Why did Sparks have to be so nonchalant about it? Did he secretly plan this? We had never gone after each other before, but never say never. This was the stupidest thing I had ever agreed to do with him, and we had done some pretty dumb things together. The worst part is that I couldn't back out now, that would be weak.

I looked into the clear water, my knuckles turning white from clenching the bowl. I don't know how long I'd been kneeling there, looking into oblivion, before Dorota's voice called up from downstairs.

"Little Miss Blair, Mr Eric is here!"

* * *

A/N: Well, here is the next chapter! I hope you guys enjoyed it. Sorry nothing really exciting happens. Next chapter will have alot of Charlotte and Eric moments, plus some explanation into the B/C past. If anyone was wondering, alot of this story will be told in flashbacks, which will be in all italics.

As always, please review. They really inspire me to get chapters done faster :)

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

Blair Waldorf sat in the back of the limo, completely exhausted. She couldn't tell why exactly she was so tired lately, maybe it was just motherhood. She wondered what Alabaster was doing right now. Probably in her bedroom, doing God knows what. She wished she was strong enough to turn the limo around, march into the house and look her daughter in the eyes telling her that she loved her more then anything in this world, even Audrey.

But every time she looked at Alabaster, all she saw was Chuck. She had Chuck's eyes, she even worded things like Chuck would. And the smirk was trademark Chuck as well. And every time Blair was reminded of Chuck, all she wanted to do was run back to him, tell him everything and fall asleep in his arms like she use to when they were together.

Her hands felt the cold leather of the limo and she closed her eyes, letting her mind drift back to a simpler time when she had been completely happy.

_"Chuck, I have a plan to catch." I say sternly, trying not to smile, my hands pushing at his chest. Note to self, never get into a limo with Chuck. Again. It always turns out the same way._

_Chuck stopped kissing my neck for a second and raised his head to look at me, his hands still gripping my hips. "B, Yale can wait, I can't."_

_"It will give you more reason to visit then, and the plane won't wait."_

_"Take my private jet and I'm going to visit anyways. Maybe daily." He added with a perverted Chuck grin._

_"I'll miss you." I say suddenly, unsure of going to Yale, unsure of leaving Chuck for so long._

_He gave me his special smile that he never gives anyone else, his eyes turning soft. "I love you Blair Waldorf. Forever."_

"Miss Waldorf, we are at the airport." I hear the driver say over the com system, shaking me back into reality. She never got the chance to tell him that she loved him forever too.

* * *

Eric set his luggage down by the door, closing it behind him. He wincing slightly as Dorota yelled up the stairs, he smiled at Blair's faithful maid and walked into the living room, taking a seat on the coach and waited.

Blair had called him last night, her voice tired and unsure. He didn't doubt Blair loved Charlotte with all her heart, but having a functioning relationship with her daughter was another issue all together. Blair was as damaged by Chuck's actions as much as he was damaged by hers. Thinking of his step brother made him frown. Blair seemed justified in her reasons for keeping Charlotte from her father, but…

Before he could finish his though, he heard Charlotte's feet hitting the stairs as she ran down and towards him, her long dark-brown hair flying behind her. He opened his arms, standing up and caught her, enveloping her tiny figure in the biggest bear hug possible. God, he loved his little god daughter.

She looked up at him and smiled, letting go after a moment. "I'm so happy you're here! I've missed you a lot." Her eyes were bright, but he could still see a hint of sadness in them. A few months ago when he was visiting was the first time he had seen her cry, over her breakup with Hayden, and he knew she was still hurt over it, but it was probably better not bring it up.

"Dorota's making a snack, so I figured we could just bunker down and watch some old films." She continued, talking at the speed of light.

"Sounds great, but don't think I'm going to forget your mother gave you a curfew young lady." I tried to sound stern, but in my heart I knew that when she asked for one more film, I would say yes anyways. "How have you been though Charlotte?" I Asked casually.

"Oh fine, just bored with summer already! Hah! How are you and Christian?" she asked, moving towards the entertainment system.

"You know, same as always." I said, smiling brighter.

"Yeah, he's a great catch. Now, which one first?" She said, turning around with a movie in each hand.

* * *

Charlotte turned down the volume on the movie still playing slightly, getting up off the couch. She put the blanket on her sleeping godfather and smiled. He always made her feel better; normal. She shook her head, leaving the living room and ascending the stairs quietly, years of practice working to her advantage.

Entering her mother's room, she turned on the light, squinting as her eyes adjusted. She made her way over to the bed, lifting the bottom left corner of the mattress and removing the diary. Sitting down on the floor at the base of the bed she sighed. She had been eleven when she first went through her mother's room and accidentally found the diary. Since then, she had made a tradition of going through it, page by page, any time Eric came.

She didn't go through it chronologically though. She had started at the beginning the first time she read a page. But remembering the words, she didn't want to know the whole story at once, the whole reason.

_"Hello Diary, I have never been one to keep a diary, but I'm too happy to keep this all to myself. My boyfriend, the love of life, Chuck Bass, proposed to me today! I know it in my heart that we…"_

Those were the words on the first page, she remembered snapping the diary shut, putting it back, running to the bathroom and forcing herself to throw up for the first time ever. It was all her fault. She broke her parents love. She just knew it as clearly now as she did when she was eleven. Since then, she tried her hardest to be perfect for her mother, to make up for it.

Flipping to a random page in the middle, she started reading the tear stained page.

_"I called Chuck today. Alabaster said her first word! I felt so happy, so proud. I just knew she would bring us back together. That we could be a family again, if only to make her happy. I love her so much. Besides, I could forgive Chuck for what he did to me, if he would forgive me back._

_That phone call didn't work as well as I thought it would. Some one else answered his phone, a giggling soft voice. I felt so sad, so angry at Chuck. I knew what he was like before me, and I guess it didn't take long for him to go back to his old whoring ways."_

Snapping the diary shut, she put it back in place and just sat there for a moment. She didn't want to read anymore right now. It was too hard. He had hurt my mother so much, she could tell. She wondered how she could even consider liking that man? At least she had Eric, he was as much of a father as she would ever get.

Getting up after what seemed like hours, Charlotte went to my mothers walk-in closet and started going through her dresses. She needed something for the big party, which she was secretly dreading. Damn Sparks, he knew that my father would be there. Maybe he was trying to be helpful. Maybe he was just bored. It was hard to tell with him some times. Either way she would get him back for it later.

Her eyes finally found the perfect dress. It was an old Marc Jacobs green satin dress. It had the loveliest lace, which was used for the sleeves and upper body. Trying it on quickly, she decided it was a definite yes! It fell just above her knees and had the funniest little bow on the collar.

Sparks will absolutely die when he see's it!

* * *

**A/N: I would just like to thank all the reviewers of this story! It really inspires me when people review :) Secondly, I would just like to explain that the dress Charlotte picked is the dress Blair wore in the fated Limo Episode. I think you all know what I'm talking about ;) I'll try to update soon. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter!! :):) **


	4. Chapter 4

Names and Letters Chapter 4:

Names and Letters Chapter 4, Part 1:

Charlotte settled in her seat on the Sparks private jet, wondering if the fates above planned all of this. Dorota and her had seen her godfather off to his flight only an hour before she was suppose to arrive on this flight. She had packed light and told Dorota she was staying with a friend. Simple enough. What wasn't simple was that after waiting a lifetime, it was only be a thirteen hour flight, and a one hour wait before she was in the same room as her father.

In the same room with the other Chuck.

If it hadn't been for the fact that she had never, ever, had a panic attack, she would have thought she was having one right now. But people like her don't have panic attacks; they deal with everything head on, calm and collected. However, right now breathing seemed to be the most difficult thing in the world.

"Miss," the flight attendant looked down at her, her face filled with worry, "Are you feeling alright?"

"Fine, just bring me a scotch. Now." She tried to make the words come out sounding strong, but she had a feeling they hadn't. She was brought her drink anyways, and gave the attendant a weak smile.

The attendant probably just assumed she was afraid of flying. However, as a Waldorf, she wasn't afraid of anything. However, if she was honest with herself, she was afraid of what would happen at the party.

Afraid she wasn't pretty enough for her father.

Afraid she wasn't smart enough for her father

Afraid that she would never be enough for her father… or her mother.

* * *

Chuck was truly happy for his father. Happiness and marriage rarely went together for Basses. Hell, happiness in general was hard enough for them to get it seemed. A brief flash of his mother's smile went through his head, and he thought that it should be them up there together, not Bart and Lily. But life wasn't fair like that. Especially when it involved him. The only thing he could count on anymore was alcohol.

However, his father had defied the odds and genetics, so here they were. Again. More importantly, here he was, attending yet another anniversary party. Truthfully though, no matter how happy he was for his father; no matter how happy he was that since his father's marriage to Lily their relationship had been better, being around all this marital bliss just made him want to drink himself into a coma.

Party tonight, and then a private family brunch tomorrow in the Van der Bass suite, and he was free to do just that. He could probably get away with getting the tiniest bit drunk right now. Numb himself a little in preparation for the speech he had to give later on tonight. If he had known he was going to have to make speeches like this all his life, he would have declined his father offer to be best man all those years ago.

He sat on the comfortable bar stool, winking at the cute waitress that just walked by and ordered a scotch, per usual. She would do for tonight, something to take his mind off all this joyous crap for an hour or so.

Looking into the liquid in his tumbler he sighed, remembering a time when marriage hadn't seemed like such a bad idea.

_He didn't bother knocking when entering Blair's dorm room anymore. Wherever she was was his home, she was his heart. Her smile when she saw him sent the butterflies into overdrive and he wondered how he ever got along without this beautiful woman before him._

_Flopping down on her perfectly made bed, he waited for a moment. He heard her as she got up slowly and laid down next to him, putting her head on his chest. They stayed there just like that for a moment, in silence._

_"I brought you a present."_

_"Hmm?" she murmured, trying to sound nonchalant, but he knew she loved presents. She was like a kid at Christmas every time._

_Chuck hands her the diary, which he knows she will hate. Years of living under the harsh glare of Gossip Girl had made her very careful never to leave her secrets lying around. But, he got it so the real surprise would mean more to her._

_She looks at the diary in disgust for a moment, before throwing it on the floor. "A diary? Were you drunk?"_

_He sighs dramatically and takes her hand, slipping the obscenely expensive, but very Blair engagement ring on to her slim finger. "I guess I'll have a life time to make it up to you."_

_Blair stiffens in his arms and sits up slowly, looking at her hand very intently. "Is this what I think it is?" she asks, her voice barely above a whisper._

_"Sure is, you were going to say yes anyways, so I thought I'd cut to the chase." Chuck said, giving her his best cocky smirk as he sit up too._

_"No. Do it properly." She demands, tears forming in her eyes, voice firm, but a smile on her face._

_"B…" he starts, looking uncomfortable._

_"Chuck, I want a nice story to tell our children, so on your knees."_

_He grins, "I've been waiting years for you to ask me that."_

_She slaps his arm, pretending to be disgusted as always, but before she can call him a pig, per usual, he adds, "Are you sure?" nodding towards the ring on her finger, his eyes boring into hers._

_Smiling, she kisses him softly and pulls away. "Blair Bass does have a nice ring to it." She says happily, looking at the ring._

Chuck shook his head, mentally smacking himself for being such a moron. Thinking of Blair only made things worse; he would think that 17 some years after breaking up, she would be out of his system.

The waitress who he had winked at earlier came up to him, tapping him on the shoulder. She was the perfect distraction he needed right now. Flirting was easy for him; he had been doing it since 7th grade. Her responses weren't as witty as Blair's had been. Stop thinking about Blair, he thought angrily to himself, looking around for a moment to see if it was time for the speech.

His breath hitched in his throat and if the tumbler hadn't been as thick as it was, it would have broken under his tightened grip. Across the room was Blair, in that damn dress that had started it all. Somehow, all sound was blocked out, including the waitress whispering in his ear. All that existed in his world was the sight of her not twenty feet away.

She was looking at him too, but there was something wrong with this picture. It was Blair, but it wasn't. She opened her mouth, and then closed it quickly. He couldn't put his finger on the differences though. Shaking his head, he looked away for a moment, then back, and the vision was gone. Sound returned.

He really needed to stop drinking so much if he was going to start having hallucinations of Blair.

* * *

Charlotte took Sparks hand as he helped her out of the limo, trying to keep her breath steady. Sparks was doing that annoying looking too closely at her thing he did sometimes and all she wanted to do was find a bathroom and take that perfect porcelain white escape. But she couldn't do that, not now that she was so close.

Two giant oak doors were open before her, and the sound of soft classical music drifted through them, the sun starting to set in the sky above the buildings. People were wandering in and out of the place, and she caught sight of pearl white table cloths, with bountiful flower centerpieces. It all seemed so serene and nice inside.

She wished she could say the same about herself, she may look serene, but she was having trouble breathing.

Sparks put his hand gently around her waist, leading her inside. Laughter and conversation filled the air. People were slow dancing in an area reserved for just that activity. Suddenly there was a flash of light towards her and she squinted her eyes. Hearing Sparks sigh, she turned her head to look at him.

"What?" she asked. He looked not only annoyed, but very pissed.

He shook his head and told her to wait a moment, leading them out of the doorway. That moment passed and Sparks, as well as every other teenager's cell phone at the party went off. Sparks pulled his out of his pocket, read it quickly, then gave it to her. "Freaking Gossip Girl."

Charlotte looked at the screen. There was a picture of Sparks and her standing in the doorway, obviously the result of that annoying flash, she thought to herself. Underneath the picture was a caption which read:

**"Sorry ladies, the notorious S showed up with a date, instead of just leaving with one or more. Wonder if his new mystery queen knows whose arm she is hanging on too?**

**You know you love me, XOXO,**

**Gossip Girl."**

Charlotte tried not to laugh, but it was the most hilarious thing she ever read. "Well," she started, handing the phone back, "That must be fun to live with… Notorious S."

He smiled slightly, his pissy mood disappearing. "Yes it is, my mysterious queen."

They both laughed, and he led her further into the room.

After having scanned the room for a few minutes, Charlotte sighed. She had seen pictures of her father before, in the society pages, but she couldn't spot him. Not that she knew what she would do if she did.

"I'm going to go get a drink, I'll be back." She said quickly, heading towards that familiar sight of the bar that was set up in the middle of the room.

That's when she finally spotted him, stopping dead in her tracks. He was just sitting there, with a scotch in hand. He was drinking her drink. Her drink! She was like him in some way obscure way that probably didn't matter to anyone but her.

He turned away from the waitress he had been obviously been chatting up and saw her. His face turned white as their eyes locked, and she wondered what he was thinking. She could barely think herself. Opening her mouth to say something, she realized she had no plan at all. It's not like you could just go up and say "Hi, I'm your daughter. Please love me and my mother."

Besides, she was too far away for him to hear anything she might have said, so she closed her mouth.

Turning around quickly, she blended easily into the crowd. She had to find Sparks and get out of here. This had been a bad idea to begin with, which wasn't a surprise, since it was one of Spark's ideas.

She finally spotted her date, chatting up some other waitress. Rolling her eyes, she grabbed his hand as he walked by, practically dragging him outside, before turning to meet his amused face.

"Let's go get smashed."

Sparks only gave her a mock bow, not even responding, and led her into the first waiting cab they could find.

It was hours later, around one in the morning when they made it into their third bar. She couldn't quiet remember why they had been kicked out of the first bar, but she thought it had to do with a fight with another patron. She was having trouble focusing on anything much right now.

They were hanging out in the back of this bar, playing beer pong against a group of college kids who Sparks might or might not have already known. She couldn't remember that either, but it had been mentioned.

She was losing horribly though.

Sparks excused himself for a moment, leaving her, but she didn't really notice. One of the guys across from her smiled and handed her two perfectly oval, white pills, and said something she couldn't quiet hear. She took them without question, looking for Sparks, but then remembering he had gone for a second.

After that, the rest of the night was a blur of lights and sound. She was laughing a lot, so much even her throat hurt. Eventually she started to feel really sick, and she felt like she fell of something, but was caught, so she wasn't exactly worried about it. In fact, for the first time in her life, she wasn't worried about anything.

Then like a far off voice, she could hear Sparks calling her name, asking her if she knew the number of the Van der Bass suite. Practically pleading with her to stay awake for awhile longer.

* * *

**A/N: Well, Hopefully I'll have part two up tomorrow, I promise to try my hardest. For all those wondering, there will be alot of Blair and Chuck in the upcoming chapters. I would just like to thank everybody who reads and enjoys this sorry, especially the reviewers, who I love like non-other.**

**PS: I do not own Gossip Girl, or any characters. If I did, things would have gone differently on the show and there would never have been any mention of horses! :(**


	5. Chapter 5

**Names and Letters Chapter Four, Part two:**

Eric couldn't help but laugh, and obviously he wasn't the only one, as the entire room filled with laughter. Bart Bass didn't crack jokes often, but when he did, they seemed worth the wait. One big, happy family was what they were, he thought looking around the room, it just took them almost twenty years to get this way.

His mother and Bart oddly enough fit well together. A year into their marriage, he remembered things got shaky for a while. Something about Rufus, but they had pulled through it, together, and seemed happy ever since.

Serena and Dan also made it; they even had a son to show for the effort. They had been broken up a year or two after high school, but had kept in touch, and one summer they eloped together. Things at their household were a bit crazier, but love always evident in everything they did for each other. It was almost sickening how perfect they seemed. But he was happy for his sister.

Looking at Chuck, he didn't know what to think of his protective stepbrother. He drank a lot, but didn't he always? He never talked about his personal life. He was so closed off. But he would always make it here, to the annual anniversary party and brunch afterwards, maybe even the occasional Christmas.

There were two important pieces missing from this family puzzle and he couldn't help but feel that if they were here, everything would be better, including Chuck.

This thought brought a frown to his face and he wished his boyfriend could be here right now so he could squeeze his hand. And of course, Serena gifted with big sister sadness detection, looked at him the exact moment he frowned. She gave him the "Its all okay, do you want to talk?" look.

If only she knew, Eric thought to himself sadly as he shook his head, giving Serena a reassuring smile. Oddly enough, Blair and Serena's B.F.F. routine didn't last long after high school. Distance seemed to break the connection they had, but he knew they still thought of each other fondly, Serena would tell stories of their teenage antics sometimes, and Blair kept a framed picture of them at her house in Paris.

"Excuse me…" Sara, the family maid interrupted, getting everyone to give her their attention. "Eric, there is a pair…" she paused, her voice filled with contempt, "of teenagers at the door. One is demanding to see you."

Smiling politely at the family, Eric excused himself to the foyer to greet his unexpected guest, silently wondering who they were and why Sara seemed almost livid. When his eyes met the scene in front of him, he understood. He thought his heart was going too fast and stopping all at once, like it couldn't decide.

Sebastian Sparks stood there, one eye bloodshot, the other black and blue, completely disheveled. He looked older for some reason and worried too. The tiny figure he was supporting Eric knew instantly.

"I only left her alone for a seco…"

Eric put up his hand, not wanting to hear anything from him. Rushing forward, he took Charlotte into his arms, her body light and mostly unresponsive. Her head rolled back, and her brown eyes barely opened. She looked so pale. Charlotte's mouth moved slowly and Eric had to lean his head down closer to hear the words she uttered before completely passing out.

"Don't call mom."

Worry flooded through his veins, turning Eric's body to ice. He tried to think, had to take care of her. He was frozen in place, trying to think of what to do next, but all he could remember was when she was four, lying in that hospital bed. She had been cold and unresponsive then too. And so tiny…

"I didn't know where else to take her." Sebastian's voice interrupted.

"Get out." Eric said coldly, turning his back without another thought. He heard the door shut softly behind him as he moved through the house, going into the guest bedroom. He was very careful not to go through the living room where his family was, he didn't have time to explain this to them. To Chuck.

Setting her carefully on the bed, he pulled out his cell phone and called the family's private EMT, and instructed Sara to lead him to the guest bedroom when he got there and to tell his family he was busy and would be out when he could. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he took Charlotte's cold hand, trying to think. He needed to do something.

It had seemed like forever to him before the doctor arrived. His examination of Charlotte seemed so impersonal, like she was just another person. But she wasn't, she was his godchild. Finally the doctor looked at him, shaking his head slightly.

"It was some sort of drug more then likely. In my professional opinion, it would be fine if she was just kept here to sleep it off. It might take a day or two, and she'll feel like hell when she wakes up, but she'll be fine." Smiling, he left, closing the door behind him.

It was dark outside by now and Eric sighed, letting go of Charlotte's hand, wondering the thousands of thing he could have done that would have made sure she never ended up passed out. From drugs no less. He just thanked God his family decided not to barge in. They were always good about respecting privacy.

Taking out his phone, he hit the first number on his speed dial.

"Blair?"

"Eric," she sounded tired, but happy to hear his voice, "I'm just about home, how was your visit?"

"Blair… You need to come to New York."

"Wha.."

"Charlotte's here. She is passed out in the guest bedroom. You need to be here when she wakes up."

There was silence for a second, and then Blair's voice sounded on the other end, "I'll be there." And then nothing but a dial tone.

Putting away the phone, Eric sighed and closed his eyes, tired. Everything was going to be fine, he had to believe that. But all he heard was Blair's voice, so scared and broken, reminding him of a day that mirrored this one so many years ago.

* * *

Blair felt almost like she was in a dream, watching herself. Almost emotionless since the phone call from Eric. It was short, and left so many questions, but she couldn't ask herself any of them, because she didn't have the answers. She couldn't feel angry or sad, because right now nothing else mattered but getting to New York.

A destination she never wanted to visit again. It held so many memories, some hurtful. Others…

_In the back of the limo, everything seemed hazy. The smell was of champagne, and something else. It took her a moment to realize it was Chuck that smelled so good, as she scooted closer to him. Looking at him at that moment, she wondered why she never noticed how sexy he was._

_Maybe that was the thought that made her kiss him. Maybe it was loneliness, the need to be wanted._

_She was confused when he pulled back._

_"Are you sure?"_

Blair tried to push that memory out of her mind. Tried to push every memory of him out of her head, but it wasn't that easy when her heart yearned to see him, just one more time. But it would never be 'just one more time' if she gave in, and she knew that. She had to deal with the feeling of incompleteness everyday. Because the only thing she loved more then him, was Alabaster.

_She was crying in Eric's arms, trying not to listen to the sound of the voice over the P.A. systems, or the wheels of the stretchers that were being moved. She tried not to look through the E.R. window at her little angel, whose skin was unnaturally pale. She tired not to notice the doctors and nurses, rushing in and out._

_All she could do right now was cry and pray._

_She wanted to be strong, but this was all her fault; all Chuck's fault; all Eric's fault. Everything was so wrong. Eric had convinced, for the second time, to go and tell Chuck about everything. He had convinced her everything would be forgiven and that Alabaster needed her father._

_So she had gone to his Suite with their daughter, using the key he had given her all those years ago to get in. She couldn't help but smile; everything had that distinctive Chuck factor, from the furniture to the paintings on the wall._

_Setting her tiny daughter down, she smiled at her. "Baby, you can ran around if you want, just be careful, okay?" A bright face which mirrored her own at that age beamed up at her, nodding before running off to play._

_Blair was worried about what Chuck would do when he first found out, but they had forgiven each other before, hadn't they? And Eric had said Chuck missed her, so maybe all wasn't lost._

_Running her fingers over the bar countertop, she was lost in her own head, thinking of all the nights her and Chuck had sat in this very room, just being with each other. And now they were going to make new memories here, as a family._

_Very slowly, she realized that she hadn't heard or seen Alabaster for awhile. Turning around, she thought this wasn't a good time to be playing hide and seek, but inwardly worry started to invade her serenity._

_It took her a minute to find her daughter passed out in the bathroom._

_It took three minutes for the ambulance to get there, meeting them in the lobby._

_It took her four minutes to call Eric, before he could understand what she was saying over the sobs._

_It took what seemed like a lifetime for the doctor to pump her daughters' stomach before she was allowed to hold her again._

_But it only took one second to resolve that Chuck's actions of leaving morphine pills lying around, had hurt their daughter, and that Chuck could never do anything but hurt either them._

_One second was all it took for Blair to decide that to protect the most precious thing her in life, meant that Chuck could never be a part of it._

Tears threatened to flood her eyes. She tried not to think about that particular memory often; she swallowed her fears and sadness. Her daughter needed her to be strong when she got there, not hysterical.

It seemed like forever for the plane to finally land, and a cab to come and get her. The city that was once her home, flashed by through the dirty window. But all she could see was two faces.

Chuck and Alabaster.

Finally arriving at the Palace Hotel, she thrust the entire contents of her wallet at the cab driver, and rushed into the massive building. Thankfully she didn't have to wait long for an elevator as she stepped in and pushed the appropriate floor number. Looking into the mirrored walls, she fixed her hair, and put on her huge Dior sunglasses, trying her best to look strong and composed for the task ahead.

The bell finally dinged, and she forced herself not to run to the all too familiar hallway to the Van der Bass door. She knocked, and waited, anxiety filtering through her veins. Then the door finally opened, revealing the person she both most and least wanted to see at this moment.

Obviously he was surprised too. "Blair?" his voice choked out, his entire face turning white.

Before Blair could reply, Eric showed up out of nowhere and shoved Chuck out of the doorway, saying something to him she couldn't quite catch and then took her hand, leading her hurriedly to a room and shutting the door behind him.

Her heart almost stopped at the sight of Alabaster. She was sleeping, but it all looked so wrong. Moving towards the bed slowly, she sat down on the edge of the bed next to her daughter, taking one of her limp hands, and pushing a strand of hair off of her face.

"Baby?" Blair said softly after a moment or so.

Alabasters eyes fluttered open, but she looked so sleepy, Blair didn't know how much she could actually process at this point."

"You're going to be okay."

"I took your dress."

I smiled, trying to think of what to say to make the worry in her voice cease. "It's okay, you look so beautiful." Blair tried to sound strong, squeezing her daughters hand gently.

"I had to see him, just once. I'm sorry."

The him Alabaster referred to didn't have to be explained.

"Go back to sleep honey, It's all going to be fine."

Without a seconds hesitation, she gave me a small smile and shut her eyes again. And Blair knew what she had to do, even though it broke her heart. She just hoped it wouldn't break her daughters heart too.

* * *

Chuck made it down to his own Suite, trying to process everything running through his brain. Blair was definitely back, but she was with Eric, who had been acting strangely all morning, staying closed up in the guest room after his visitors had left. None of it made much sense. Sitting down on his bed, he cradled his head in his hands, remembering the last time he'd seen Blair all those years ago.

_Blair was acting really weird, but it didn't bother him much. He just figured that she was still obsessing over what job to take now that she graduated college and taking it out on him._

_"Stop being such an ass." She snapped at him suddenly._

_"What would you rather I be like Waldorf?" He said, draining the amber liquid from the tumbler in my hand. She had been flinging nasty insults at him for hours, and not playfully. She hadn't acted this way since high school he thought sourly to himself, much less to him._

_"Like Nate would be nice." She almost hissed the words._

_Silence filled the room as cold rage filled him. He tossed his glass against the wall after a moment, shattering it. Blair looked at him, shock and regret filling her face, but it didn't matter._

_"Well why don't you be more like Serena, 'cause that's the only way I'd want you then."_

_From there on, all he could remember was a lot of screaming. He couldn't count the number of hurtful things they had said, and he wasn't really sure why anymore. All he knew was that he wasn't going to lose, not to her. They had fought before, but never like this._

_"Fine," he said quietly, after the screaming had stopped, looking at Blair crying across from him, "We're over."_

_With that he ended it, and walked out. For the first time in his life, he actually walked out on her. He walked out on the only woman living that actually meant something to him._

_Finding the nearest bar, he drank more then he had ever drunk in his lifetime. He felt really good about himself and numb too. Fumbling with a key to his Suite in one hand, and the zipper to the dress of some random woman who was hanging on to him, he wasn't sure if his mind was capable of any coherent though._

_He didn't remember actually opening the door._

_He couldn't imagine how they both made it into the bed._

_The only thing he knew for sure was the look on Blair's face when she walked in on them._

"Chuck?" said an uncertain voice, pulling him from the painful memory. Looking up, he saw Blair standing in front of him. He tried not feel on fire by merely being in the presence of his old flame. He just hoped it wasn't another dream.

"I used my key to get in." She said, looking uncomfortable and tired.

All he could do was look at her, speechless. She looked like she always did, age didn't diminish any of her beauty in his eyes. Nor did time successfully kill the butterflies acting up at this moment.

"You're going to hate me, but you need to know."

"What?" He struggled to reply, wondering how he could ever hate this amazing woman before him; pledging right then and there to do anything to win her back.

"Just listen, please." She continued, sitting down on the bed next to him.

"After the fight and that…" It was her turn to struggle to find the right words obviously. "That slut, I just didn't think I knew you anymore. I thought you would never hurt me like that, so when you did, I couldn't risk you being around our child, couldn't risk you hurting her. Maybe that was selfish…"

His body felt numb, and Chuck could only look at her. Her ruby red lips were still moving, but he couldn't hear anything. The words "our child" where the only thing holding him together, the only thing his universe revolved around the moment he heard them.

Pushing himself off the bed, he walked away from Blair, then turned quickly, unsure of what to do, thinking the fact that he was semi-drunk wasn't helping.

"What. Child." The words came out harsh, but he didn't care.

"I was pregnant." She replied slowly, not meeting his gaze.

Silence again, and the pounding of his heart were all that filled the suddenly cold room.

"You kept my child from me."

Blair got up quickly, tears running freely down her face as she walked over to him, grabbing his hands with hers. Instead of the usual fire, the instinctive fluttering, there was only coldness.

"I came back to tell you once before, Eric convinced me.."

"Eric knows?" Chuck says too quietly, adding a name to the small list he was forming in his head that contained only two names now.

"Chuck, she accidentally took some pills when I came to tell you years ago, they had to pump her stomach. She almost died and I blamed you for being careless, because I didn't want to blame myself for not watching her. It was so easy to blame you. But now… I thought she was fine without knowing you, but…"

She paused, unable to meet his intense gaze.

"She's in your parents suite, she… she took some drugs and she's sleeping it off up there."

Chuck nodded slowly, trying to keep his body from shaking. All he could think of was that he had a daughter, and she was hurting. And he had something to do with that pain.

"I'm going to let her stay with you for the summer, until school starts. I think she needs it." Looking up at him suddenly, fire behind her eyes, she continue, "Just know that if you ever hurt her…"

He smirked down at Blair, pulling his hands out of hers. "I'm not the one who hurt her Blair." He snarls, starting towards the door, and for the second time in his life, he left Blair.

* * *

**AN: I hope you guys liked this chapter! Sorry it took so long to put together. I would just like to thank everybody that has reviewed so far, knowing what you guys think really helps :) And I would also like to thank those silent readers as well. Just to let everyone know, there will be alot of Chuck/Charlotte next chapter, so yay. Please R&R :)**

**And just so its clear, this is why Chair broke up if you didn't get it from the story:**

**Blair finds out she is pregnant and goes picks a fight with Chuck because she blames him. Then she catches him doing the nasty with a nasty bar skank. Eric finally convinces Blair to tell Chuck about Charlotte, she goes to his suite and waits for him to come home. Charlotte accidently swallows some pills that a nasty skank left there and almost dies. Blair decides to keep Charlotte from Chuck for her own safety.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chuck felt cold. He had been walking all over New York City since leaving Blair, and when the sun finally started to come up, he resolved to make his way back to the Palace Hotel. He was even completely sober now, a rarity for him, but he promised himself that he would try to drink less from now on. He knew when he got back to the hotel, he would sooner or later end up in his father's suite. Anybody that was there would be surprised to see him so soon after the anniversary festivities, but he wasn't there for them, he was there for…

He stopped dead in his tracks, causing some early morning jogger behind him to bump into him and swear, but he barely noticed this transaction. All he could think of was the fact that he didn't even know her name. Taking a deep breath and exhaling, he saw his breath clearly form in front of him before closing his eyes. Chuck tried to remember if he and Blair ever talked about names.

He knew instinctively that they hadn't though, not only because he remembered every conversation they ever had with such accuracy it scared him, but because children were never in their future plan. Hell, the only future plan that they ever discussed was that they would be together and married. At the thought of this memory, he ignored the fluttering in his stomach.

Chuck finally made it up to his father's suite around 9am, after showering and booking a two-bedroom suite in the lobby, instructing the staff to move his belongings there. Letting himself in quietly, he moved towards the kitchen, and the sound of his step sisters' voice. Silently, he wondered if she ever had breakfast at her own house.

His father was the first to see him, Bart quickly trying to mask his surprise, "Charles, what a pleasant surprise."

If his father had been the smiling type, Bart might have smiled when he said this. Their relationship was better then it use to be, but Chuck still hasn't let himself forget or forgive his father for everything pre-Lily. His stomach suddenly turned and he wondered if his daughter would accept or forgive him. Granted, it hadn't been entirely his fault he wasn't there. Silently, he started to fear he couldn't be a better father to her then Bart had been to him.

Nodding he gave his family an easy smile, moving around to the far end of the kitchen. Getting a plate from the cupboard, he began to pile it with all the different types of breakfast food available.

"Hungry Chuck?" Serena asked, breaking the silence that had consumed the room since he entered it. That was his step-sister, always trying to be polite.

"It's not for me." In truth, he didn't know what his daughter liked to eat for breakfast, or even if she ate breakfast. That thought made him pause for a second before putting a slice of buttered blue-berry toast on the plate. Gripping the edge of the counter, he wondered if she was allergic to anything on the plate. He didn't want to look like a fool and give her something she hated. He didn't even know her favorite type of ice cream. Of course, dietary habits seemed trivial next to the fact he didn't even know her name.

He could feel his family looking at him, silently judging him. Quietly pondering what to do next like, exchanging glances to each other he was some dangerous animal. He didn't know why he was surprised; his family didn't really even know him. He was a part of an annual tradition, but not a part of the actual family, not since Bl…

No, he thought fiercely to himself, still looking nonchalant on the outside, he wasn't ever going to think of that woman again.

Right now though, the most difficult decision was rather to pour orange juice or milk. Was she lactose intolerant?

Chuck could feel himself growing cold again with rage about all the simple things that he should know, but didn't. All he wanted to do was smash up everything in the kitchen, everything in the world that was breakable. Yesterday he didn't care about anything, and today…

"Would you like some coffee Charles?" His father asked, already starting to pour him a cup. Turning around to politely decline, he saw Eric enter the room. His blonde step brother was rubbing the back of his neck, yawning, dark circles under his eyes. When he finally looked up and saw Chuck, he stopped dead in his tracks. They stared at each other in silence, both finally knowing the entire truth, both finally knowing that whatever friendship or brotherly bond they ever had was over. Eric looked white and Chuck just stood there, smiling that deadly smile he had perfected during his high school years.

"Why don't you give it to Eric father, he seems to like living my life." He said after a moment.

"Cha.." His father hadn't used that tone of voice towards him in years, but oddly enough he didn't care anymore. Hell, he even went so far as to interrupt him.

"Were you ever going to tell me or do you like playing with my family?"

"Listen, I understand you're angry, but if we can just talk about this."

Chuck just shrugged, "As far as I'm concerned, this is the last conversation we ever need to have."

"Charles Bass, what is going on?" His father's voice reminded him and Eric that they weren't the only people in the room. Eric looked around at the faces of his mother, sister, and Dan sheepishly. Chuck didn't care though. Eric was going to go down for what he did to him.

"Why father, this prick decided to keep my child," Chuck paused and looked at his father, as if to clarify the obvious, "That would be your grandchild, a secret from me."

After all the years of knowing his father, it was the first time he ever saw him speechless. Bart just blinked at him for a moment, turning slightly red, and his posture going completely rigid, before Bart looked towards Eric, his eyes narrowing.

"Is that true?"

Serena's voice piped up suddenly, "You got one of those… girls you picked up pregnant?"

"Yeah," He said, shrugging, "Blair obviously didn't feel the need to tell me."

Quiet Dan Humphrey, who never really got into any of the Van der Bass drama, who usually only observed, suddenly spoke up, "Blair had your kid? When?"

"Oh, I'd say almost seventeen years ago. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go give my daughter some breakfast."

"Charles," It was Lily's turn to chip in, because obviously it was every bodies business. Turning, Chuck gave Lily his full attention. His father was still just staring at Eric, who looked extremely uncomfortable under the scrutiny. Dan was basically holding up Serena, who looked like she was either about to faint or call everybody she ever knew. And he was just standing there with a plate piled high with food in one hand, a glass full of orange juice in the other, and his signature cocky smile. He wasn't going to show anybody that he was squirming on the inside.

"If you need anything, have any questions, Bart and I will be here to help." She said the words slowly, before getting up and going over to Eric. She started to lead her son out of the kitchen. Before exiting, she looked over her shoulder, giving Chuck a weak smile.

"Good Luck Chuck."

Nodding slowly, he was grateful. She had calmed some of the fears he was having at that moment. Slowly, he walked into the hallways and stood in front of the guest room door, the only thing separating him from the most precious thing in the world to him.

Silently, he hoped he was enough for her.

* * *

Charlotte heard the door open, praying that Eric had found some Advil, or something to help with the massive headache that was threatening to split her skull open. She had only woken up about a half hour ago, but she still felt groggy, like she had been run over by a herd of elephants.

Even the quick shower didn't help, but at least she was out of that dress. She looked at it all rolled up in the corner of the bathroom. She thought the dress was beautiful, like all of her mother's clothes, but now it smelled of smoke and alcohol. The nice, white bathrobe she currently adorned smelled like… some weird wilderness fabric softener. Like trees and all that crap that city girls like her are weary of.

But, at least it was an improvement until she could get some of her clothes. Maybe she could ask Dorota…

Then suddenly it all hit her. This wasn't her bathroom, this wasn't the fabric softener that they used. Dorota was across the ocean for Christ sakes! She didn't even know whose house she was in. She couldn't remember a lot of stuff. She remembered being at the party and…

Crap, she saw the other Chuck, and he saw her right back.

There was that pesky breathing problem again. But she wasn't having a panic attack, she was just… heaving into that perfect, porcelain white escape. Despite the fact that she didn't physically cause it, she felt better, then worse all at the same time. Wiping her mouth, she stood up after a moment and looked in the mirror.

Charlotte started to tell herself everything was fine, that she could make it up to her mother; she would just try harder, at everything. She would… before she could finish the though, she heard the door close in the other room.

She went through the bathroom door to the adjourning bedroom, "Eric, listen, if it's not to much of a problem, I need a toothbru…" The words caught in her throat, as she realized it wasn't Eric.

It was her father.

She was frozen in her tracks, he was right there, in front of her. With food, and… he was right there. If she wanted to, she could probably reach out and touch him. She thought that she should say something witty, but the only thing she seemed capable of doing was staring at him, and thinking about how horrible she must look right now. Her hair was wet and tangled; she was in a huge, fluffy bathrobe that probably made her look like a baby beluga. Her eyes were bloodshot; her nails weren't even properly done. He must think she was the ugliest thing in existence.

They must have stared at each other for an eternity, before finally he took the first step, and walked across the room, putting the plate of food and glass on a mini table in the room, pulling one chair out before sitting in the chair across from it.

Taking the hint, she walked over and sat down in the chair, feeling more uncomfortable then ever, but finally able to regain her composure. She realized her mouth was hanging open and shut it firmly, putting on her best "I don't care about anything, but I seem really nice" face she learned from her mother years ago.

Though silence filled the room, she just kept staring back. After all the dreaming and imaging of how this moment would turn out, she couldn't think of any of the things she planned meticulously. Of course, she never imagined it happening this way. It was always much more elegant, and she had been better dressed.

"If you're hungry, you can eat." He said, making a sweeping gesture towards the plate, which was towering with food.

"Yep."

She could have kicked herself at that moment. Her first words were... Yep. She sounded like an uneducated simpleton! She had a bigger vocabulary then that. But no, all she could manage to squeak out was a Yep.

He smiled at her though, for the first time ever, she saw her father smiling. Not the smirk usually shown on the society pages, but an actual smile, which was directed at her, and she couldn't help but smile back.

Still, this had to be the most awkward moment of her life, Charlotte thought to herself. This even topped the birthday gift catastrophe her last year. She wasn't going to show that any of this affected her though. Silently, she wondered what he was thinking and feeling.

"You will be staying with me for the remainder of the summer."

"Oh, but mother…" Charlotte struggled to find the right words.

"It was her idea."

It killed her that her mother just pawned her off on her father the first time she made a major mistake.

* * *

Chuck felt everything inside him cry out in pain when he saw her face fall across from him. Instinct took over and he got up, took a quick stride towards his daughter, and picked her up in his arms, hugging her closely to him. The thought that she might be uncomfortable hugging a man she didn't really know crossed his mind soon after the action, but before he could dwell more on that thought, he felt her arms lock around him. He smiled and kissed her on her perfect head, thinking this was the first hug he ever had with his daughter.

Finally, she pulled out of his embrace, her face showing no emotion again, reminding him of himself, and in the back of his mind of Blair.

"I don't have any clothes."

"I'll get some for you to wear and then you can go buy a new wardrobe today after you eat some breakfast."

Nodding, she sat down in the chair again; She looked at the huge plate of food like it was going to eat her, not the other way around.

"You don't have to eat all of it," Chuck rushes to say, "I just didn't know… what you liked."

"Oh, its fine." She smiles up at him and he can feel his heart melt. Then standing up suddenly, she sticks out her hand. "I'm… Alabaster."

Chuck takes her hand and smiles, shaking it gladly "Hello."

* * *

To Charlotte everything seemed to be going by in a blur. Lily, who came in shortly after Chuck had left to find her some cloths, introduced herself as her grandmother and told Charlotte that she was always welcome here. She even invited her to come to supper with her father tomorrow to formally meet the family.

After Lily left, she quickly changed into the knee-length dress that was provided to her, and found her heels from the other night. After combing through her hair with a comb, which Lily also thoughtfully provided, she ventured out of the guest room and into the rest of the suite which she knew nothing about.

Not even a minute after she left the room, her father came into view and beckoned her to follow him. Together, they left the spacious suite and went into the elevator, going down two floors, and entered another suite, much like the one upstairs, but cozier.

"So, this is going to be home sweet home." He said, standing in the doorway, and pointed to a door in the back of what was obviously going to be the living room. "That will be your room."

"Cool." She said, shrugging.

"Uh, sorry to interrupt Mr. Bass," a hotel employee appeared behind my father in the door way, getting both our attention.

"What is it?"

"This was left at the desk, we were told to deliver it too you." He held up a small black purse.

"Oh, that's mine!" Charlotte says, grabbing the bag and smiling at the anxious man in front of her. She remembered having it when she arrived in New York, but didn't have a clue how it ended up at the front desk. Without a word, she got a twenty from the bag and handed it the man before closing the door.

She looked at her father again, still in awe that she was actually in the same continent, nay, the same room as him. He opened his mouth to say something, before being interrupted by her Flight of the Bumble Bee ring tone.

Smiling politely, she took out her phone and moved across the room before answering it, noticing the familiar name on the caller ID.

"Sparks?"

"Bass," says the cocky voice on the other end of the line,"You're alive."

"No thanks to you" she replies sourly. She wasn't going to forgive him just yet for getting her into this mess, though she was grateful for it, she would never admit it, least of all to him.

"Don't be cranky."

"I'm not cranky!"

She could hear him laugh and was about to hang up the phone dramatically when he continued. "Listen, let me make it all up to you. We can go shopping or something equally torturous to me"

"…Fine. Meet me in the lobby in a half hour." And with that she hang up and put her cell phone back in the purse, turning towards to her father.

"I hope you don't mind, but I found someone to take me shopping."

Nodding, Chuck reached in his pocket and pulled out his wallet and handed her a golden credit card, and a key to the room. "Of course not. Please feel free to buy whatever you want. But I expect you home before eleven."

Smiling up at her father, Charlotte hugged him quickly, before feeling awkward and exited the room. Taking off her high heels, she decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator. She had time before Sparks would show up anyways, so slight exercise would do her good.

Besides she wanted to be alone with her thoughts, her mind still trying to process everything that was happening. It was as if life had decided to make everything happen at once without warning. She was with the father she dreamed of finally, but oddly enough, it all seemed incomplete without her mother. All Charlotte wanted to do was call and beg her mother to come, but she knew she never would. Blair was probably too disappointed in her to even bother answering the call.

She didn't have to wait long in the lobby before Sparks showed he unfashionably rumpled head. Going up to him, she gave him her best pissed off look, silently grateful to finally see a familiar face in a weird day.

"Reporting for hell princess." He says mocking, giving her a short salute.

"Funny, I just thought you looked like hell." Charlotte replies and walks right past him, not even bother to look at him. But she knows that wouldn't deter him one bit, and almost on queue he jogs right up beside her.

"Getting in a fight over a lady's virtue was the cause, so maybe I should be getting points, not insults."

"Oh fine baby, you get a golden star," she says mockingly, trying suppressing a smile as she gets into his awaiting limo.

The rest of the day was spent perusing the many different boutiques that New York City had to offer, and that wasn't a small amount. She had given up on trying to carry bags around and instead arranged to have them sent to the suite she now shared with her father. The very thought of it brought a smile to her.

"And the ice melts."

"Shut it Sparks," Charlotte pouts and pushes some garments into his hands to hold until she goes into the dressing room.

"I see daddy dearest got you in a grand mood."

"No, its not him, he's amazing. You know he didn't even lecture or try to make me feel guilty about coming. He said we could spend time together tomorrow. He's being pretty cool about it."

"And I'm sure your acting "pretty cool" right back?"

Throwing a plaid scarf over shoulder at Sparks, Charlotte doesn't bother looking back, "What's wrong with that?"

"You just met your father, the guy you idolized since you knew what idolized meant, and you're not even being real."

"Maybe I just want things to be perfect."

"Perfection is bull. I think both of you are afraid to let anybody in."

Look over her shoulder at Sparks, she opens her mouth to say something in her defense, in her fathers defense. Where the hell did he get off telling her how to act, its not like he had the healthiest parental relationship. But before she could chew him out, a blonde girl strode up between them, her entire attention focused on Sebastian.

"Hey S."

"What?" Sparks replies, clearly annoyed, "I'm busy."

"You weren't busy all last night."

"Oh, I'm going to gag." Once Charlotte said those words, Blondie finally decided to acknowledge her, which was a good thing, because she wasn't the type of person to like being left out of things. Especially when it involved her friends.

"Listen sweetie," Blondie says in her most patronizing tone, "Why don't you go home to mommy and let the grown ups talk."

Smiling sweetly, Charlotte took a step up, her face only inches from Blondie's. "Listen, I don't know who you think you are, besides a slut obviously, but if you don't get out of my sight, I'm going to pull those noticeable hair extensions out. Seriously sweetie, did you go to the mall to get that mop on your head done?"

Blondie's blue eyes widened, her hand subconsciously going to touch her hair and she looked at Sparks for defense, but when she found none, she simply flipped her fake hair over her shoulder and turned heel, practically stomping away in her knock off Gucci shoes.

"New money" Sparks shrugs, obviously not wanting to talk any more about the encounter, which was fine with Charlotte, who had just spotted the shoe section in Saks. She always liked to shop after crushing someone.

Just as they were getting ready to leave the store, Sebastian's phone gave a tiny jingle and he picked it up, looking at it for a second before tossing it to her. "Nice going Bass."

_"Spotted, the current Countess of Constance getting into a public confrontation; Nothing new there, but what is new is her leaving in second place, while Sebastian's mystery queen takes first without even breaking a sweat. Does this mean a new royalty is emerging? Speaking of royalty, across town, A is hopping in his new Mercedes. Hope he doesn't dent this one with another body like he did his other one. Watch out kiddies, I feel a storm coming._

_XOXO, you know you love me,_

_Gossip Girl."_

After Sparks dropped her off, she uses her key to get into the Suite, she smiled at her father who was sitting on the couch, reading a newspaper. Even though he tried to appear natural, she could spot the look of someone waiting up for her easily after so many years with her mother, Dorota and Eric.

"How was shopping?"

"Productive, I had them send the items to the hotel, so I should get them tomorrow morning."

"Good." Pausing a second, the other Chuck looks uncertain, "Well, I'm going to go to bed now, unless there is anything you needed?"

"No, I'm really tired."

"Okay, well… Sleep tight and bed bugs, well not bed bugs, but…" Sighing, Chuck stands up and walks over to her, kissing her on the head softly. "We can have lunch tomorrow, just the two of us. To talk, since today has been overwhelming… for the both of us."

Nodding, she felt a jolt of joy run through her. Her father wanted to talk, he was overwhelmed. At first she had thought he didn't care as much as her, but he was giving her time to feel comfortable and open up, which was what she was doing for him. Of course, maybe this wasn't only hard on her, but on him too she reflected as she watched him going into his room.

After such a long day, all Charlotte wanted to do was flop down on the bed she now called her own and catch a few hours of sleep. However, there was a problem with that plan. Sitting smack dab in the middle of her bed was a rectangle shaped package, sent priority from Paris.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she tore the end off the package and tilted it. She was more then startled when her mother's diary fell into her lap. Taped to the cover was a note.

"Alabaster,

I hope this will explain my actions and that you will eventually forgive me. I already miss you more then you can probably imagine. Call me if you need anything.

Lovingly,

Mother"

Carefully peeling the note from the diary, tape and all, she sticks it on her vanity mirror, her heart feeling a pang of loss. She hardly had time to realize that she really, truly missed in mother in all the excitement of the day. Home life wasn't always great, but Blair had been her constant and now…

It was at that moment she resolved what she had to do with the dairy, and what she knew she should have said to her father from the beginning.

Moving out of her room and through the spacious living room, she knocked softly on her father's door and waited. It didn't' take him long to open it, worry evident on his face.

"Are you alright?"

"Oh, I'm fine." She said reassuringly, suddenly feeling the awkwardness between them again. She mildly regretted her quickly formed plan, but she was a Bass-Waldorf hybrid and that meant she was stubborn, and she didn't back out of anything, for any reason.

Taking a deep breath, she shoved the diary into her father's hand.

"When I was younger, I use to wonder why my strong, independent mother would cry every single night. Then I started to read her diary. It was all about you, every single bit of it. I know you are probably angry at her, but you don't know about all those in-between years. You don't know about the sadness. She made a mistake, I'm definitely not going to deny that, but you did too. You had the chance every day to try and find her, and patch things up. So I just want you to read this and give her a chance. Give forgiveness a chance, because in the end, if you make her cry ever again, or try to make me choose between the two of you, I will be with my mother 100 of the way. And I won't look back. Ever."

After saying her piece, she realized she had tears running down her face. Turning around quickly, she left her father standing there, looking at the diary, and was finally able to go to bed.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, so I'm going to be the first to say this chapter is horrible. After days of writing, and rewriting, I am still not happy with it, but for the sake of progressing with the story, I'm going to post it anyways. I just wanted to say that what I originally was trying to convey in this chapter(I have no clue how much made it through the rewrites) was Charlotte's and Chucks awkwardness around each other, but immediate love for one another. Also Charlotte's loyalty to Blair, and Chucks anger towards Eric. I added a S/C scene in there to lighten the mood and advance the subplot.

I hope you guys are still enjoying the story, and I will try to update as soon as possible :) R&R

Disclaimer: I do not own gossip girl


	7. Chapter 7

**Names and Letters Chapter 6:**

Chuck watched the sun rise over New York City through the window in his new bedroom. Bright shade of red, orange and yellow reminding him of thing he had thought he'd forgotten long ago.

_He had bought the long, bright orange scarf during a sale and promptly thrown it in the bottom of one of his three scarf draws when he returned home that day. What possessed him to get it and wear it outside of 1812 today is a mystery, but he knows he isn't thinking great at the moment. His head is too far up in the clouds and he can barely hear over the sound of fluttering._

_It was the day right after Graduation, but more importantly, tonight was his first official, full blown date with Blair Waldorf, the woman of his dreams. Literally._

_He rang the bell once and expected Dorota to answer. He was prepared to wait the fifteen minutes on the coach, while Blair quickly finished getting ready. All of which was absurd, because Blair was already perfect, she just liked to make people wait. But he would do it, just for her._

_What he didn't expect was Blair to actually answer the door, fully ready to go wherever the night would take them. Complete with a bright orange headband, the same shade as his scarf._

He remembered that whenever they would refer to that night, they never called it their first date, but would say something along the lines of it was the first time they accidentally matched while together.

_She was wearing her old school uniform and the pair of red tights he knew so well when he walked in on her. It was summer break from Yale and she was home. Instead of being what seemed like an eternity to him away, she was only a few blocks. However, the look of dissatisfaction on her beautiful face was almost physically painful to him and he stopped in the doorway._

"_B," he started slowly, making his presence known, "What are you doing?"_

_She turned around to face him and he could tell she was just barely able to hold back the tears. But she wouldn't want him to say anything, she he didn't. He just waited for a reply, his eyes glancing at her delicate hands press against her stomach, as if them being there could will it to be any tinier._

"_Oh you know, going down memory lane," she says as if nothing is the matter, but the look in her eyes say otherwise, and she continues speaking. "Will you still like me when I'm old and fat?"_

_Walking towards her, he takes long strides, and finally when he reaches her, he picks her up as if she was the lightest feather in the world. "You could never be old and fat to me B, 'cause in my eyes you're the most beautiful thing alive."_

_Chuck says it softly and he means it. He doesn't like to show this side of himself often, but at times like these, there is nothing else he can do._

Chuck remembered seeing the uniform and the tights in the trash the next day when he wakes up, but he never mentions it, because she wakes up in his arms and offers to cook him breakfast for the first time.

_He looks incredulously at Blair, who is sitting on the other side of the hot tub, with that thing. She is smiling happily, looking perfect in her white bikini, her hair messily put up in a way that makes it look flawless. But with that… monstrosity floating in his hot tub, he can hardly bask in the brilliance of her beauty._

"_What…" He finally manages to say, "Is… That…"_

"_It's a devil rubber ducky." She almost squeals, she is so excited, "I saw it and thought of you instantly." Pausing only for a moment, her face hardens and she crosses her arms, which moves the water enough it forces the little yellow thing towards me._

"_What, Don't you like it?"_

"_No Blair. It creeps me out." He says honestly, eyeing the thing like it was going to grow teeth and eat him._

He doesn't remember what she did with the creepy yellow duck, but he does remember being teased about it on more then occasion.

Chuck looked at the diary wearily; his mind too sleepy to process most of what his heart was trying to decide. Reading it has reminded Chuck of a part of himself he had locked away all those years ago and had only now rediscovered if seemed. Just remembering things about their relationship made him happy, whereas he hadn't been happy in years.

Until Alabaster had come, that is. Since the moment he heard about her, he had been happy, anxious, and angry all at once. He felt so overwhelmed; he didn't know where to put all this thoughts. But he at least had a plan for new day.

Firstly, he would stop re-reading the diary, because it only made him feel closer to Blair, and he didn't need that complication. Secondly, he would sleep for a few hours. Then he had reserved a table at the newest trendy restaurant to go to lunch with his daughter, their first real lunch! Then, he thought grumpily, he had to share her with the family tonight for a dinner.

Reaching for his cell phone to check what exactly the time was, he wondered if Blair's number was the same as it was all those years ago. Shaking his head, he thought about how foolish that would be. But the thought that she had kept her key all those years also went through his head.

Standing up to finally go to bed, he brushed his fingers gently over the cover of the diary, afraid it would break. He was about to get into his bed, when he turned around, and walked of his bedroom, through the spacious living room, and over to Alabasters door. Turning the knob slowly, he noiselessly goes into her room. She is sound asleep and doesn't wake as he pulls the covers up to her neck, placing a soft kiss on her forehead, before leaving to find the comfort of his own bed.

* * *

All the clothes that Charlotte had meticulously put away only two hours ago, were now strewn all over her room. Usually she was tidy, believing like her mother that everything had its place, but place wasn't the problem. What to wear for lunch was the bigger problem.

Suddenly, she heard her muffled ring tone go off, and she quickly throw many discarded tops off her bed, onto the cluttered floor, finding the cell phone. She answered it without bothering to look at the caller ID.

"Hello." Charlotte said as pleasantly as she could.

"You look fine Bass."

"What?"

"Stop changing clothes, it's unhealthy. And girly."

"Well, if you haven't noticed I am a girl."

"Oh, believe me, I've noticed." She could almost see his smarmy grin, even though they were on the phone.

"Uck, go bother someone else." She said, hanging up and looking at her reflection in the mirror. Finally after a moment or so, she decided her outfit was presentable enough and found a matching scarf, carefully tying it on her head as a makeshift headband.

A knock came at the door, her father's voice sounding through the thick wood. "Are you ready to go Alabaster?"

"Almost, sorry, I just need another fifteen minutes." She replies, even though she is ready. She just wants some time to think, still slightly embarrassed since her little talk last night. She meant ever word of it, but still.

When she finally appeared out of her room, she saw him look at the scarf on her head, and smile. Suddenly, her fashion statement she ma

During the entire ride to the restaurant, was spent on polite, meaningless conversation, which included the usual 'how are you's' and then some talk on the weather, as well as a small portion on some random sporting event before both realized the other didn't much care for sports.

When they arrived at the restaurant, she was slightly uncomfortable at the fact that not only the hostess, but two of the waitresses knew her father. Probably intimately, from the looks they were giving him. And it didn't make her feel better that he was smiling back at them. She had know he was a short of, man whore as Sebastian put it so delicately once, but to actually see it before her eyes. All she wanted to do was scream at them, at him, for being so dumb. He was suppose to be with her mother, not with half of New York's employed help.

That thought shocked her a bit, coming out of no where as she sat down in the chair her father pulled out for her. She had never really thought about her parents being together before, because they just weren't, but…

The other Chuck must have saw the look of confusion on her face, "Is something wrong Alabaster?"

"No," Charlotte covers with a smile, the name he calls her reminding her that she misses her mother still. She wonders if she will even call or bother to send something tomorrow. Not that is was a big deal, but still. "Have you been here before?"

"Oh, every now and then. They have exceptional service" His voice trailed off as he eyed the waitress coming up to us.

It took everything in her not to puke right then and there. On that skank.

"What will you and your guest be having today, Mr Bass?" she said sweetly, not even bothering to look over in Charlottes direction. That didn't bother her much, what bothered her was when the other Chuck took the waitress/skank's hand lightly in his own and ordered for the both of them.

Discreetly taking out her phone under the table while all this was transpiring, she texted Sparks quickly.

"SOS, I'm at Studio and going to kill someone."

Her phone received his reply a minute later, "They have exceptional service there."

She stared at the text in disbelief, then at her father, never relieving anything of her inner most feelings. Thoughts that went along the lines of men are pigs. When the waitress left, the other Chuck turned his full attention on her. She supposed she should be fidgeting right now, but since her display last night, she didn't feel quiet as awkward around him.

"So…" he began, his head tilted slightly.

"My favorite color is green, I don't really have a favorite band, I'm top in my class, I will be a senior next year, and I stole a pack of gum once when I was seven on a dare. That about sums up my existence."

His face grew brighter, and he laughed softly, "That's it?"

"Pretty much."

"Hmm, I thought you'd be more of a trouble maker." He paused for a moment, his thoughts obviously else where. "Blair and I use to do a lot a stuff when we were teenagers."

At the mention of my mother, everything grew tense between us. Even the water that the waitress had brought us seemed to be icy, or it could just be the ice in it. Either way, there was silence, and not the nice kind. She could tell his thoughts were in the past, while hers were stuck in the wonderfully annoying land of what if.

What if her mother hadn't left. What if Chuck had come to find them. What if they were just like any other normal family, who sat around the table at breakfast. What if her parents were married. What if…

She was actually glad when the waitress/skank came back and placed their food in front of them. When the other Chuck didn't so much as give her a first glance, she quickly left, obviously to go pout somewhere. Picking up her fork, Charlotte pushed her food around the plate absentmindedly. She stole a quick glance at the other Chuck, but no luck, he was still off in his own head.

Tentatively, she put down the fork, "Did you read the diary?"

His eyes snapped to her admittedly, and he sighed, his eyes looking thoughtful, though still somewhat day dreamy.

"Well?" Charlotte presses, feeling mildly irritated, "Do you forgive her?"

"I don't think its an appropriate subject for us to discuss."

"Well, too bad, because I don't want it to be the big elephant in the room all summer," she said sternly, her eyes never leaving her gaze, and she added in a mutter almost to herself, "Its not like we're talking about anything else anyways."

Hunching back in his chair, the other Chuck crossed his arms in front of him, silently accessing her with his eyes, before continuing. "My relationship with Blair has always been… complicated."

She didn't figure complicated always meant a secret child, but she didn't really know about there high school relationship and assumed that that was what he was talking about.

"We have always," He paused for a moment, his eyes darting around the room as if the right word would just be on the back of a passing bus boy, or hanging on the ceiling. Finally, his gaze returned to Charlotte. "We have always hurt each other. We don't mean to, but that's just who we are."

"But you also always forgave each other." She pointed out quickly.

"I suppose, but some things are unforgivable."

"Do you still love her?"

Charlotte could tell her direct question shocked him, but it didn't matter. If she was ever going to have a real relationship with him, she needed to know where he stood on some subjects. And the closest subject to her heart would always be her mother.

"Between you and me, I have, and will always be insanely in love with your mother. But sometimes, love just can't make everything okay between two people."

We ate the rest of the meal in silence, not the tense silence like before, but a nicer silence, bother of us wanting to be alone with our thoughts. It was odd to think we were both probably thinking about the same thing; Blair. Finally, when dessert rolled around, the conversation picked up again, each of us taking turns saying something about ourselves. In the end, Charlotte admitted that her idol with Scarlet O'Hare and the other Chuck admitted that he once disguised himself and got a McDonalds burger, just to see what they were like.

The limo ride back to the Palace Motel was much the same. Though all they told were insignificant little stories or facts about themselves, Charlotte was engrossed, always ready to hear what Chuck would say after her. Maybe they didn't mean much on the surface, but it was a start. She finally was getting to know her father.

* * *

Chuck checked his appearance in the mirrored elevator wall once more, making sure he looked presentable enough to be in his father's presence. He chuckled quietly to himself, he always thought his quest for his father's unattainable approval was absurd, but he also knew that he would always try to gain it.

He didn't bother to check how Alabaster looked, knowing full well that she would always look perfect, no matter the occasion. After all, she had inherited both Blair and his fashion sense. And even if that hadn't been enough, she had been raise by Blair, who had probably taught her how to accessorize the minute after she said her first word. He felt his heart give a pang of hurt at the thought that he had missed that moment, and so many more in his daughters life. However, thanks to the diary, he knew what her first word had been; daddy.

Looking over his shoulder, he stole a quick glance at his daughter, who was busy checking her nails. Looking forward again, he wondered how different she might be if he had been there. Not that he wanted to change anything about her, because in his eyes she was perfect. But that one what-if had been haunting him since the moment he had brought her breakfast yesterday, joining the company of the what-if he had found Blair after he walked out on her alls those years ago.

Finally, the elevator stopped on the appropriate floor, giving a little ding as the doors opened. Chuck led his daughter into his father's suite, taking her straight into the dining room, where everybody was no doubt waiting.

His father was seated at one head of the massive rectangular table, Lily at the other. Serena, Dan and much to Chuck's immediate reproach, Eric, were all seated on one side of the table. Two empty seats were waiting to be utilized on the other side. Chuck took the seat closest to his father.

Serena was of course the first to talk, her bubbly personality focusing in on Alabaster. "Hi!" She said, giving a big goofy smile. "I'm Serena, but you can just call me Auntie, and this is my husband, Dan. And you already know my mother, and Eric, and Chuck, of course."

His step sister was talking so fast, practically tripping over her words, Chuck was amazed that Alabaster remained completely composed, taking it all in. Alabaster gave a polite smile to everyone that Serena mentioned before giving her attention back to the chatterbox.

At the head of the table, Bart cleared his throat and stood up, quieting everybody. Chuck saw Lily give his father an encouraging smile, before giving his own attention to his father.

"Well Charlotte Bass-Waldorf, I would just like to welcome you to my family. I think Serena forgot to mention me in her spiel . I'm Bart, but you will call me grandfather most likely. Although you came into this family a little later then we all would have liked, I hope you know that your presence will always be wanted in this house." And with that, his father smiled benevolently down at his daughter and sat down.

Chuck almost let his jaw drop, but years of self control prevailed. He couldn't believe his father had written a very business like speech to welcome his daughter. It was almost like he was acquiring a new asset or something.

"Thank you so much grandfather. I'm very happy to be here." He saw her give a really sweet smile to his father, then addressing the whole table she continued to say, "I will enjoy getting to know each of you very much."

"Same here Charlotte. You're very much like your mother, but I'm sure you've heard that a thousand times." Dan said, his hand rubbing Serena back.

"Oh, don't let her fool you Dan, she may look like Blair, but she's more like Chuck then anything else." Eric spoke up for the first time that night, and Chuck eyes quickly narrowed towards him. His hands clenched in fists under the table, while he quickly thought with anger that his step brother, who was suppose to trust, knew more about his own daughter then him.

Dan and Serena laughed at his comment, but his father only gave Chuck a disapproving smile, like he had done something wrong.

"So, lil C," Serena started again, giving Chuck a wink, "What fun things have you done since coming to the city?"

"Well, I have of course been spending some quality time getting to know my father, and the other day I spent a few hours shopping with Sparks."

At her last word, Chuck swiveled his head to look severely at his daughter. Sparks? A thousands memories were going through his head of G, and the time Blair and him had to take her down. He obviously wasn't the only one who was troubled by this. Serena basically choked on her water, and Dan had the most pained expression on his face. Both Lily and Bart seemed oblivious to the obvious tension in the room, as did Alabaster.

"Sebastian Sparks. He is better then his mother was." Eric spoke once again, getting every bodies attention. "He and Charlotte have been best friends since before even they can remember I'm sure. I think Blair has a few embarrassing albums of baby pictures of them together that they tried to steal once."

"We weren't stealing Eric," Alabaster says, getting a pained look on her angelic face, "We were just borrowing."

"Right, and the matches were for…?" Eric quickly retorted, grinning at Charlotte and ignoring Chucks glares completely.

* * *

Dinner had been almost worst then the Spanish Inquisition, in Charlottes opinion. She knew her 'family' meant well, and was just trying to be friend, especially Serena. But all they had really managed to do was make her feel like some alien they were trying to figure out. The only good part had been Eric's comments, because they made her feel some sense of normalcy.

They were now all seated in pairs in the living room. Dan and Serena both on a recliner, the other Chuck and her on the sofa, Lily and Bart on the love seat; the only person without someone was Eric, which made her sad. If her mother had been here, she would have sat by Eric. The thought of her mother brought a slight frown to her face and she checked her phone again for any missed calls. But there were none.

Serena was talking, again, which Charlotte was now getting use to. It was awkward to be at a dinner were so much talking went on. It was being like in the twilight zone or something. You could practically say anything you wanted. Quietly beside her Chuck leaned in towards her.

"So, do you preferred to be called Charlotte?"

"What? Oh, its just my first name. Only you and mother are allowed to call me Alabaster." Charlotte whispers back, giving her father a small smile.

He frowned for a second, thinking about something, before replying, "Not even Eric?"

"Nope, just you two." She says cheerily, seeing the satisfaction in the other Chucks face. She hadn't been to dense to notice the animosity flowing from his father towards Eric. She would have to clear that up to.

"So Charlotte, do you want to come then?"

Blushing suddenly, she looked at Serena, giving an apologetic laugh, "I'm sorry?""

Serena just smiled back, "Oh, don't be sorry! You must be overwhelmed, so many people trying to get your attention. I was just asking you if you wanted to come and get Tommy from the airport with me after we all have breakfast."

"Sis, I'm sure Chuck has something special planned for tomorrow already."

Charlottes eyes went wide and she glared at Eric, hoping he would read the look in her eyes.

"Why would that be?" Chuck said suddenly, looking at Eric.

"Oh… I don't know. Just. You two are getting to know each other." Eric stammered, giving Charlotte the most confused look.

"Well, we have all summer, and the rest of our lives. If she wants to go pick up her cousin with Serena, she is more then welcome to." Chuck said almost defensively towards Eric.

Giving Eric a small smile, she went back to discussing the plans for tomorrow with Serena. She was happy that he covered for her though. No way did she want her father to feel the guilt of not knowing her birthday was tomorrow.

* * *

**AN: **Okay, so here is yet another chapter! I hope I redeemed myself with this one, cause I'm actually pretty happy about it :) I just want to thank all the reviewers first, you guys seriously inspire me to write faster! And I would like to also thank all those silent people who read the story, I hope you guys are enjoying it. :)


	8. Chapter

**_Names and Letters Chapter 7:_**

Zero was the exact number of texts or calls Charlotte had received wishing her a happy birthday.

She tried to put a realistic smile on her face as she looked up from her cell phone at Serena, who not surprisingly was talking; Again. She was saying something about having a big welcome home dinner for her son, complete with a cake. The fact that she would at least be eating cake on her birthday, even if it wasn't her own, seemed fitting. Not that she would actually be eating any of it, but it at least it made her feel better about the situation.

"Where is Eric?" she asked the first chance she gets when Serena takes a breath.

"Oh, he went into the city to shop for something." Lily was the one who answered, and Charlotte couldn't help but feel her father stiffen beside her at the mere mention of her godfather. Eventually, she would try to fix that relationship, because she felt responsible for tearing it to shreds. She also felt guilty when it came to Eric, because he had always been there for her and lately, she hadn't even had time to look at him.

All those thoughts flew out of her head as her cell phone vibrated in the palm of her hand. Ignoring all manners her mother had instilled in her, she answered quickly, not bothering to even look at the name listed on the tiny screen.

"Hi!" she said cheerfully, angling her body away from the rest of the occupants in the room.

"I thought girls didn't like getting older."

"Sparks." She sighed, and slouched back on the coach. She was a tiny bit happy he had remembered, but he wasn't who she wanted to talk to. In fact, she still wasn't sure she forgave him for a comment he made the other day. But he was better then nothing she decided.

"Bass…" his voice sounded a bit, off. He wasn't the type to pause, and she wondered if her sullen disposition had in some way offended him, but quickly brushed off that thought. He was never offended. Something was wrong long before he dialed her number. She just hoped he wasn't having another Vegas crisis, not on her birthday.

"Listen, can you come down to the lobby for a second?"

"What? No. I'm having family time." She smiled politely at everyone in the room. Which only consisted of Chuck, Lily, and Serena; Dan and Bart obviously decided that they needed to go into work.

"I don't think you want my mother barging in, but she probably will."

Everything suddenly clicked into place. Sparks strained voice, her birthday. His mother always gave her something, usually inappropriate, the morning of her birthday. Obviously after so many years, she wasn't going to give up the tradition, no matter what country Charlotte was in.

"Sh…oot." Charlotte let out, her face flushing, "I'll be there in a second."

Ending the call, she put the phone on the coffee table and stood, smiling at every one. "I have to step out for a second, but I'll be back in time to leave."

"Where are you going" the other Chuck said, standing up as if he was going to go with Charlotte.

"Oh, just down to the lobby quickly. I'll be back. You should stay with Serena and Lily. Help them make plans for tonight." She said very quickly, gently pushing her father back down on the couch and left before anyone could say anything else, or try to follow her.

She got to the lobby as quickly as the elevator would take her, bolting out as soon as it gave the tiny ding. She probably looked slightly crazed, but the last thing she need was Miss Sparks to burst into the Van der Bass suite, announcing her birthday. Because, the only thing worse then her father not knowing, was her not intentionally telling him about it.

She saw Sebastian listening to his mother a few feet away, a very pained look on his face. His mother was also swaying a bit, waving a small gift wrapped package in front of his face. Please God, don't let her be drunk right now. That was the last thing Charlotte thought before putting on her best smile and walking towards the duo.

* * *

Chuck kept looking over his shoulder, barely paying attention to his step sister, who had stopped talking about the party and was now talking about the time. About how in an hour they would have to leave to be able to meet the plane Tommy was on. He didn't bother saying that Tommy would probably prefer catching a cab home, because he knew nothing could stop Serena from babying her one and only son. But it was starting to get annoying, because she was making it sound like Alabaster would make her late. Knowing that Blair raised her daughter, made that situation next to impossible, but Serena kept prattling on.

Suddenly, his daughter's phone went off on the table, the hum of the vibration drawing all eyes to it. He smiled politely, picking it up and moved into the hallway. Glancing at the I.D., he felt his breath hitch roughly in his throat, before he was able to compose himself.

He pushed the green talk button, but before he could get a word out, his ex-fiancée's voice rang out over the other end.

"Happy Birthday Alabaster!"

He felt numb and panicky all at once. It was his daughter's birthday and he didn't know. The anger started to boil in his blood again, remembering his step mother's words that Eric had been out shopping for something. Of course Eric and Blair knew, but neither bothered to let him know. Because they still treated him like he wasn't a part of her life, like he shouldn't be a part of Alabasters life. He tried to think of something hurtful to say, but he could only think of how many other birthdays he had missed. How many, many things he should have been a part of, but wasn't.

"Blair." He finally said coldly.

"Chuck!" He could practically see the look of shock on her face, his heart giving a little pang he refused to acknowledge.

"She doesn't want to talk to you."

"Oh."

"Goodbye Blair." With that he hung up, pocketing the phone. He instantly regretted the lie, knowing if Alabaster found out, she would probably be livid. But he couldn't help but feel satisfaction in the hurt in her voice. He kept telling himself she deserved it, and much more. Yet, he started to feel sick, and fished the phone out of his pocket, looking at it sternly. He didn't want to be the kind of parent that used their child to hurt someone. He never wanted to use Alabaster, and if he was honest with himself, he didn't want Blair to be in pain.

Calling her back, it took five rings for her to answer. "Alabaster?" She said hesitantly, her voice raw. It didn't take a genius to figure out she was still crying, but trying to sound strong.

"She didn't say that Blair, I just…" His voice trailed off. He didn't know why exactly he called back. He wasn't especially sorry, but he didn't know if Blair would understand, because he didn't really understand.

"I understand Chuck. Don't do it again." Blair was probably the only person in the world who could sound both compassionate and pissed off at the same time.

"I won't."

There was a long pause, but he knew she was still there. He could hear her breathing on the other end. He felt he needed to say something. He wasn't going to ask what cake Charlotte preferred, or what she would like. He didn't want Blair to have to help him with his own flesh and blood.

"I feel awful about Amelia."

There was another long pause before he heard Blair sigh. "That was in high school Chuck and you already apologized."

"I know."

Pause. "Anything else you feel awful about?"

"Maybe it's your turn to feel awful."

"I do."

"We're really screwed up people Blair."

"Yes, we are."

He felt slightly relieved, terrified, and angry all at the same time. Chuck was relieved because he now felt better about everything. Terrified because this was the first step in forgiving Blair, who he had sworn to hate forever for her betrayal. And angry because, anger was usually the only emotion he felt about anything involved in Alabasters life before him.

"Chuck?" Her voice was tentative on the other end, and he wished he could see her face.

"I need to go be with my daughter now."

"She is our daughter."

Sighing, he kicked the leg of a table in the hallway. He didn't want to fight right now, but it was too damn complicated between them. And he had important things to do, like make sure his daughter had the best birthday she had ever had.

"I'll tell her what you said. Bye." Hanging up the phone, he went back to where Serena and Lily sat. He knew exactly what he was going to do.

* * *

"Don't be such a chicken Bass."

"I'm not even going to explain how much of an oxymoron that statement was."

"It's only a present."

"From your mother!" She said, pacing the elevator, looking at the tiny box in her hand like it might decide to explode at any moment. After hugs, and small talk, Miss Sparks had gotten a sudden phone call and had to leave. Charlotte took this as a sign God was on her side, because that phone call had stopped her from singing Happy Birthday in the middle of the lobby. Shortly after the intervention from above, Sebastian, who was instantly in a better mood after his mother left, had dragged her into an elevator and hit the emergency break button after a few floors.

"I think she hates me."

"Nah, she just likes you. It could be worse."

"Doubtful."

"Just open it; no way can it beat last years present." Sparks said, a hint of a smile tugging on his lips at the memory. Locking eyes for a second, they could no longer contain their amusement. Leaning against each other slightly, laughter bounced off the walls of the elevator. After a few moments, they collected themselves, but the wide smiles never left their faces as Charlotte tentatively pulled off the wrapping, and opened the top of a thin, brown box it contained.

Her smile quickly left as her eyes went wide with shock. "Please tell me this is flour."

Leaning over, Sparks looked into the box, his eyes going wide, taking a minute before responding. "Bass. That's cocaine."

"Your. Mother. Got. Me. Illegal. Drugs." She said slowly, panic filling her body. Last years gift had at least been harmless, but this. She felt herself start to shake, unable to contain anything as she looked at the plastic bag filled with cocaine which rested at the bottom the tiny box.

"Yeah. She did." Pausing, he took the box, closing the lid before starting the elevator again, pressing the correct floor number. "I'll dispose of this. Try and have a better birthday."

"Yep." She said, stepping off the elevator and going back into the Van der Bass Suite. She wondered why she always had such bad luck on her birthdays in regards to presents, not to mention with blowing out her own candles.

* * *

Eric let himself into the Van der Bass Suite awkwardly, holding three full bags in one hand and struggling with the key in the other. He barely had time to turn the knob before the door opened from the other side. No one was supposed to be home right now. Serena and Charlotte were picking up Tommy, Dan and Bart were at work, Lily was at a charity brunch. Chuck was probably off somewhere plotting his death, and the maid was never here during this time of day.

Of course, when he looked up, his eyes staring straight into Chuck's cold eyes, he figured that Chuck was done plotting and ready to kill.

"Eric." He said too formally, opening the door completely.

"Chuck…" Eric replied, moving into the suite.

"It has come to my attention that Alabasters birthday is today. I need your…" Chuck looked away, a sneer on his face, "Help."

* * *

Charlotte could not believe that Serena was practically jumping up and down, making a complete spectacle of herself. It was one thing to be excited over the return of your college aged son, but this was embarrassing. Charlotte kept giving apologetic smiles to people who stopped and looked. Hell, someone even snapped a picture of her over zealous aunt.

She was in the middle of one of those smiles when Serena grabbed her arm, giving her a full blown grin. At the sight of this smile, Charlotte understood why everyone liked her, it was impossible not to smile back genuinely.

"He's here!" Serena said, pulling her into a quick hug before backing away and pointing in the distance.

Charlotte would have thought it would be impossible to identify someone she never meant before in the throng of strangers, but it wasn't that hard. He had inherited his bright smile from his mother. He had a full head of dirty blonde hair, was about 6'2 or 6'3 if she had to hazard a guess. His polo shirt and plaid shorts were designer, as was his sunglasses.

Charlotte took a few steps back, feeling awkward as he and Serena finally embraced in a long hug. Serena was, surprise of surprises, chattering again, asking a thousand questions at once without waiting for an answer. Suddenly she stopped in her excited spiel and looked at Charlotte.

"Oh, I'm so inconsiderate. Tommy, this is Charlotte."

"Hi." Charlotte said quickly, putting on a tight smile and extending her hand towards the confused college sophomore.

He took her hand lightly, shaking it before turning to his mother, his face suddenly stern. "Mom, I appreciate this and all, but I don't need your help finding a hot girlfriend."

"What? Oh. No. Gross!" Serena said quickly, "Charlotte is your cousin! She is Chuck's daughter. Gah. Be nice."

During this entire exchange, Charlotte wished she could just blend into the background, call Sparks to make sure he had thrown away her "present" instead of snorting it, go back to the suite she shared with her father, order a cake from room service and fall into her bed. She checked her phone again, sighing as no missed calls or unopened texts messages popped up.

"Why don't you and Charlotte go bond?"

"What?" Charlotte and Tommy said in unison, looking at Serena as if she really was mad, both clearly uncomfortable.

"Well…" Serena looked embarrassed, her hand absent mindedly combing her long blond hair, "The thing is, I have some last minute things to do. And you two need to catch up on sixteen years of missed mutual experiences. And its not as if you won't be here all summer Tommy. And the things I have to do will only bore you…"

After being practically explained to death by Serena, Charlotte was for once glad to be surrounded by silence. She had to work a little hard to keep up with her cousin's long strides as they walked down block after block, going God knows where. They had both sworn to bond, much to her aunts' delight.

Obviously bonding to Thomas meant glowering and muttering things to whoever was on the other end of the cell phone. Which was more then fine for Charlotte, she had had as much bonding with complete strangers the last few days as she ever wanted to have. Thomas disconnected from his phone call and looked down at Charlotte, his face unreadable.

"Sorry about that cousin. I just wanted to make sure it was a surprise party."

"Party?" she replied.

"For my homecoming," Thomas continued, a small smile growing on his face, "If you hadn't noticed, my mother is horrible at keeping secrets."

"If it helps, it's more of an informal dinner out then a party."

"Is grandfather going to be there?"

"Well… yes."

"Then it will be a full blown party. You must have notice how much a party animal he is."

Charlotte smiled and started to giggle at the very idea of Bart being a party animal. He was more like a stuffed cat, formal and creepy, but eventually it grows on you.

"So, now that we have our first mutual experience of bonding over a joke, do you like chocolate or vanilla?"

"What?" Charlotte noticed they had both stopped in front of an ice cream vendor.

"I'm guessing its one of those two. You seem to in control to be much for rocky road."

"Oh, chocolate would be nice. Thank you."

Thomas turned to the vendor and started ordering as Charlotte took a step or two away, glancing at the text Sparks sent her, which in so many obnoxious words told her that he had dealt with his mother's thoughtful gift. She checked on thing off her wish list for the day.

"Here you go Charlotte." Tommy said, coming up behind her and handing her a cone with two large scopes of chocolate ice cream that was already melting in the sun. They ate their cones in silence, almost halfway done before they reached Central Park and scoped out an empty bench.

"So. You are my cousin."

"Yeah, I guess we would be first cousins."

"Listen. I don't want to pry. I know you're probably really overwhelmed. So..." He paused, looking at Charlotte silently for a moment, his eyes hidden by his sunglasses. "If you ever want to just hang out and get away from everything, I'll be here all summer. We can do things, or we can just sit around and daydream. We wouldn't even have to say one single word."

Charlotte sighed, watching as a glob of melted chocolate ice cream dripped down the cone and her hand, not bothering to stop it or clean it up. She was already unsettled enough by actually eating ice cream with a total stranger, but oddly enough, she didn't feel the usual pressure of perfection. To her surprise, she actually felt comfortable around Tommy.

"Thanks," she started timidly, "That would be nice."

"Standing offer." Tommy said his voice serious as he took his napkin and wiped the chocolate off her hand. "Now, enough with all this serious crap, lets go to the zoo and bond."

It didn't take them long to hail a cab, getting to the snazzy restaurant that Serena had texted the address to. They were both exhausted, but smiling. Charlotte didn't realize a person could have so much fun at the zoo. Of course it had been easy to laugh when the person you're with insisted on doing imitations of every animal they saw. The giraffe had been her favorite, Tommy trying to mimic them eating leafs was the funniest thing she had ever seen in her life.

It wasn't difficult for them to spot the table. It was the round one in the very middle of the room; their entire family was seated around it in very formal attire, making them still in their casual clothing seem more out of place. The fact that it also had a large "Welcome Home Tommy" banner hung above it helped. They greeted everyone simultaneously before taking their seats. Tommy was seated between his parents, and Charlotte between Chuck and Eric, where she was basically breathing in tension instead of oxygen.

Everyone started talking at once to the point where Charlotte could not follow any conversation. Serena and Tommy in particular were both talking at the speed of light. Eric was busy talking to Lily, so she couldn't talk to him, so she decided to sit in silence and take her new family in, wondering silently what her mother would do in this situation. Fortunately, Charlotte wasn't the only on in silence, her father being especially quiet, only giving her a nervous smile when she arrived.

After a few moments, the waitress arrived to take drink and food orders, starting with Bart, who ordered a scotch. Tommy caught her eye from across the table and mouthed _party animal_, bringing a small smile to Charlotte's face.

The rest of dinner went along in the same fashion. Their plates where cleared quietly. Serena got a big smile on her face and stood up, making all conversation stop, eyes focusing on her.

"Well, as you all know, this is a celebratory dinner in honor of my lovely son Thomas," she said his proper name mockingly, ruffling her blushing sons head, "making it one more year in Dartmouth. But this night also has one more great surprise!"

Suddenly a large rectangle two tier silver cake was placed in front of Charlotte, complete with seventeen silver burning candles. Charlotte felt her cheeks flush and looked at Eric, her eyes wide. There was that breathing problem again.

Everyone, even Bart who might or might no actually be a little plastered, was singing happy birthday. Given her luck, she expected Miss Sparks to show up and join in as well. Her eyes quickly found the bathroom door and all she wanted to do was escape as soon as possible and partake in her only release.

The song ended after what seemed like an eternity, and the other Chuck half hugged her, kissing the side of her forehead. "Happy Birthday Alabaster. Go ahead and make a wish."

Everyone was looking at her expectantly, and she gave them all what they wanted; a big, bright smile. Not need to tell them it was fake. If there was one thing she hated, was surprises like this.

A familiar head leaned in between her and Eric, blowing out the candles in one quick breath. She heard her godfather mutter something about not again, before turning her full attention to Sebastian.

"You know I'm capable of blowing out my own cake." Her tone was a little icy, but she kept the fake smile on her face. Her entire new family was at a loss for words and she felt Chuck tense up beside her.

"Oh I know," Sebastian replied, leaning in to whisper so no one else could hear, "But I'm here, so what else is there for you to wish for." Leaning back he smiled his signature smile that had melted the hearts of waitresses and sales clerks alike, and addressed the entire table. "I'm stealing Charlotte for a moment, but I'll make sure she finds her way back."

Taking her hand, Sebastian pulled her up and started walking towards a big open window, weaving their way along the throngs of table.

"You know, you being here is more of a curse then a wish."

"Either way, you're kind of stuck with me Bass."

"Joy."

"Shut up or you'll miss your present from me." He said, and pointed up in the sky. Charlotte followed his finger and looked at the darkened sky for a moment. She opened her mouth to let out some scathing remark, but before she could utter any cutting words, the entire sky lit up. Fireworks of all colors and types going off, illuminating the night sky.

* * *

Eric dug in his coat for the spare lighter he had brought, counting on the fact that Sebastian would continue his tradition of blowing out Charlottes candles. Which he did faithfully every year, no matter what precautions Blair and he took to encourage otherwise. He had half thought he wouldn't try anything this year, given he wasn't informed of where this soiree was.

In the middle of all the speechlessness, he noticed Chuck getting ready to stand and go after Charlotte. Taking his wrist before he got away, Eric just shook his head. "Its just Sebastian, she'll be back soon. Don't worry about the candles either, he does this every year."

Chuck still looked as though he was ready to kill, jerking his wrist away from Eric as he sat down, keeping his eyes on Charlotte and Sebastian as they stood by the window. Across the table, he heard Tommy muttering something to Dan about Sebastian Sparks being scum not fit to breathe oxygen. Obviously they knew each other in high school Eric though to himself.

The collective gasps and ahs around the room brought his attention back from trying to light all the candles. Looking over his shoulder, he could see some fireworks going off in the sky, the display lasting for a minute or two and he couldn't help but let out of wow himself.

He saw Chuck stand up again, his hands clenched in fists and he looked over at Charlotte, who was hugging Sebastian, who in turn was spinning her around in circles, both of them smiling. If he didn't know better, he would think they were two young people in love.

He had gotten done relighting the candles when Charlotte walked back over, going to Chuck and giving him a huge hug.

"Thanks so much for the cake daddy." She said, before sitting down, effectively diffusing his anger. He saw Chuck looking wearily at Sebastian's retreating figure, but after a second, he sat back down, smiling brightly at Charlotte as she blow out the cake, Serena and Lily taking pictures like crazy.

"You have to come over to the suite tomorrow Charlotte," Lily said, after the cake had been cut and passed around. "We will have your presents there."

"Oh, of course!" Charlotte replied, beaming over at Lily before posing slightly as she took her first bite of cake, Serena taking a picture of the event.

"Actually," Chuck started, looking nervous as he reached into his jacket and pulled out a black jewelry box, "I have your present tonight. If you want it."

Charlotte put down her fork and took the box slowly, smiling at her father the entire time. Eric could practically feel the happiness radiating off of her as she opened the box. The only noise at the table that moment was his eager sister snapping pictures. Charlotte let out a little gasp as she looked in the box, and looked over at Chuck. Eric couldn't see her face, or hear what she muttered to Chuck before hugging him again quickly. She composed herself quickly and looked around the table, turning the box again for everyone to see.

It was a silver necklace which said Alabaster on it, the cross on the t being butterfly wings adorned with diamonds rather then just a straight line. After showing it around the table, Chuck put it around her neck.

Eric was glad when the dinner finally ended, even though he had fun and was happy to see that Charlotte was adjusting well, it was tiring. It had only ended when the restaurant had been closed for two hours, and the manager wouldn't accept any more bribes from Chuck to let them stay longer.

Flopping down in the guest bed, he checked his phone and saw he had a missed call from Blair and decided it would be better to call back now, before she started to worry. Blair picked up after the first ring, even though it was God knows how late or early there.

"Eric?"

"Hey Blair." He said, suppressing a yawn.

"How are you?"

"Oh, good. Full of cake."

"That's good. How is Alabaster?" she said, getting right to the point.

"She's fine Blair. She is really happy, but I know she misses you."

"I miss her too."

"Listen, Serena took a lot of pictures, so I'll send them to you. Or maybe you could come and visit..." Eric suggested tentatively.

"I don't think that would be such a great idea. Chuck is still really angry."

"Chuck can get over it, she misses you Blair. Besides, you should have seen Chuck when Sebastian came and blew out Charlotte's candles. He was livid."

Eric smiled as he heard Blair laugh over the phone. "I can only imagine. I should have known he wouldn't miss out on the chance to continue that tradition."

"Leave it to a Sparks, right?"

Eric spent the next few hours fighting off sleep, talking with Blair about other birthdays, other memories they had together. They both however carefully tiptoed around mentioning Chuck, which wasn't hard since they had years of practice doing so. The last time that they mentioned Chuck, Eric remembered it was Charlotte's ninth birthday and they had a screaming argument about rather Chuck should be informed like Eric wanted him to be. Blair had said if he couldn't keep his mouth shut, he could stay out of Alabasters life and that had been the final nail in that conversational topic until now. As he hung up the phone and started drifting into sleep, he wondered less about Charlottes happiness and more about Chuck and Blair's.

* * *

**AN:** Okay, I would like to start out thanking **ChuckBassLOVA **for giving me the idea on how Chuck found out about Charlotte's birthday, so thanks so much!! :) Secondly, I know there are parts of this chapter that drag alittle, but whats done is done, I happen to like this chapter alot, and I hope you guys to as well.

Lastly I would like to thank all my reviewers, you guys seriously rock my knee high socks off! I love hearing what you all think and it really does inspire me to write faster knowing that people like the story. So with saying all that, I hope you all enjoy :) :) :)


	9. Chapter 8

**Names and Letters Chapter 8:**

**A/N:** _Okay, first of all, I want to thank all my reviewers, you guys are like freakin' awesome in my eyes. I always have a blast reading what you guys have to say :) Secondly, I want to say I made a promo video for Names and Letters on youtube, and the link is on my profile page. Lastely, as always, tell me what you think. And of course I hope you guys continue to like the story!!_

_PS: Does anyone else get angry when word tells you that Nate isn't a word?_

* * *

The room felt dark and empty around her, probably a reflection of both her state of mind and the time of night.

Turning her head to look away from the ceiling, she checked the neon display on the clock situated next to her bed. The dull green said it was only 3:21 AM, but to Charlotte it had seemed hours have passed since she had looked over and it said 3:19. She wanted the night to be over, at least during the day she had a reason to pretend. But since two days ago, all every night brought was memories and tears.

_"What if I wasn't drunk?" Sparks voice screamed at her in her empty suite, even though he was barely two inches away, "What if I meant it when I said I was in love with you?" _

_Her entire body was shaking from the intense look on his face, but she couldn't let herself fall apart in front of him. Later, when it was only her and that perfect white escape, she would fall apart all she wanted to._

_"You don't even know what love is! You go around and screw everybody. And now you're trying to screw our friendship."_

_Silence. Charlotte could feel the heat emanating off his body, just as she knew he could feel the coldness emanating off of her. She tried to hold onto to memories of a boy with a smiling face, but the man in front of her was anything but happy._

_"We haven't been just friends Charlotte. Ever." With that for the first time she could ever remember, Sparks walked out on her. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much if he had cared enough to actually slam the door._

Rolling over, she pushed her face against the pillow, letting the muffled sobs come out onto the silk. She had been mostly happy here with her father. Occasionally she would miss her mother, but she always knew at the end of the summer Blair would finally forgive her and they could go back to living their lives again.

The thought of never seeing Sparks again brought a fresh bought of tears. A week ago, everything had been fine. More then fine. Her and her father were talking more, Tommy was making her laugh everyday it seemed, Eric took her to see a art opening and the other Chuck hadn't openly glared at him for it. Her and Sparks were also celebrating ruining the person who had annoyed them that day they went shopping.

She winced at this last memory, because that had started it all.

_"It was inspiring." Sparks said, his usual playful grin spread across his face._

_Leaning against the kitchen counter, Charlotte returned to grin, feeling rather full of herself. She had been the only one to notice that the Fendi bag's Blondie had been giving out at her party they crashed were knock offs, and also the only one to tell the annoying Gossip Girl about it. Obviously it was unforgivable to give your "friends" fakes, especially when you could afford the real thing._

_"Thanks. Did you see the look on her face when she read the text?"_

_"Also inspiring."_

_"Rousing even?"_

_"Stirring."_

_"Thrilling?"_

_"Magnificent." Sparks paused, for a moment before continuing. "You were inspiring."_

_Charlotte looked up to reprimand him for using the same word to describe her triumph twice, but her breath caught in her throat and she found it hard to remember even how to speak._

_How had she not noticed that his voice was growing rougher with every word he uttered, a tone she never heard him use before. And now, they were closer then they had ever been, and she felt her skin burning up. Somehow they had moved so they were barely an inch apart and Sebastian's nose was touching her own._

_She could smell the alcohol on his breath now, not having noticed before. When you grow up with the mother he had, he learned to handle his liquor well. Charlotte tried to tell herself that's why he was looking at her like that. But she didn't have an excuse to use as to why she hadn't pulled away when he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him._

_Charlotte tried to remember when Sparks had become so… grown up. This was the same boy she use to have sleepovers with and call Sebby, but at the same time, it was someone totally different. Someone she had never seen before, someone who made her blood run hot._

_"I love you."_

_She didn't have an answer, her heart torn between what her mind was screaming at her and the fluttering that suddenly exploded in her stomach. Somehow, they had crossed the line between friendship and something else, and she didn't know how to get back. She didn't know if she wanted to go back. But she couldn't deny the look in Sparks's eyes, or wonder what her own face was betraying about her._

_"I'm in love with you Charlotte Waldorf Bass and whatever the hell other names you have."_

_The dryness in her throat was unbearable. He wanted her to say something, and she couldn't. This was her partner in crime. Her best friend. Her only real friend. What did he expect her to do? She didn't want this. Not now. Maybe not ever._

_She wanted her father and mother to talk, she wanted Eric to be happy, she wanted other things too, material things. She wanted a bottle of scotch and a perfect white porcelain escape right now. She wanted to think._

_Charlotte turned her face away when she saw Sebastian lean in and pushed him away. The hurt on his face made her heart ache in a way she didn't know was possible, but she couldn't let this happen._

_Before she could say anything else, Tommy walked in. The family had probably got worried when she was gone so long. Sparks had just come over to say congratulations and they had ended up in the kitchen away from everyone else per usual, because he didn't really want to be around her family. Especially Tommy.._

_She wondered how long she had been away, and the look on Tommy's face said a long time._

_"Sparks." For the first time, she saw her cousin look not happy._

_"Humphrey." Sparks replied coolly. She could feel his eyes on her, but refused to return his gaze. She just needed to think._

_"I would invite you to stay, but…"_

_"Don't worry about it. I don't want to be around you either." Sparks said, and left, the door slamming in his wake. It wasn't until that moment Charlotte realized she was shaking._

_She felt Tommy wrap his arms around her. "That guys a jerk. Whatever he did, it doesn't matter cousin."_

_Obviously she hadn't done that great a job of masking her confusion and distress._

A small smile tugged on her face. Tommy had kept every one away that night, taken her back to the suite she shared with the other Chuck and stayed with her until her father had come back home. She was taken back by the support he willingly gave her, but she also wished he just left her alone so she could cry. She had to keep telling him everything was fine.

The funny thing was throughout this whole ordeal, all she wanted to do was call Sparks and tell him everything. She had caught herself a thousand times about to hit one on her speed dial before she remembered this was about him. They had had little fights before, but…

The feelings of loneliness crept in again. She knew she didn't have anything left in her to offer up to that white perfection in the other room. It had only been a few hours ago she partook in that escape, and it had cleared her mind, if only for a moment. But she had to be more careful here. If her father caught her, she could just say she felt sick. But something about him made her think that the other Chuck wouldn't actually believe that lie.

Reaching for the phone, Charlotte looked at the blank screen and knew she needed someone. She decided quickly, and listened to the phone ring in her ear. She instantly regretted her decision.

* * *

_"Mother, tell me a story."_

_Blair smiled down at her tiny daughter, pulling the blanket up to the tip of her chin. Alabaster's usually bright eyes were a little dimmed from fatigue and Blair could tell she was fighting the urge to sleep._

_"Please mommy?"_

_The simple plea was enough to make Blair forget her strict rules about bed time._

_"What do you want to hear?"_

_"Anything."_

_"Hmm…" Blair pondered out loud as she pushed her daughters hair out of her face absentmindedly. "Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess, but even though she was always surrounded by people and things she thought she wanted, she was very sad and lonely."_

_"Even when she was with her prince?" The tiny voice interrupted._

_"Even with her prince." Blair said sadly. "But one day, she was talking to the court jester and figured out he was the only one who could make her laugh."_

_Alabaster scrunched her nose._

_"Hey pretty baby, the court jester was pretty cute too and he saw the princess for who she really was."_

_"But clowns wear those ugly shoes."_

_Blair couldn't help but laugh, smiling down at her daughter. "Clowns do, but the jester didn't. He had bow ties and pastel shirts."_

_Now it was Alabaster's turn to laugh, then quickly stifle a yawn that came with that joyous sound._

_"So… he was cuter then the prince?"_

_"He was better then the prince in every single way." Blair said, looking away as she fervently tried to blink away the tears that had unexpectedly started to build behind her eyes at the last statement._

_She felt the bed move slightly and felt a pair of tiny arms wrap around her._

_"Don't be sad mommy, the princess is finally happy, remember."_

_"Yes… and her and jester packed all their scarves and headbands and moved far away where they could be happy forever." Blair replied, finishing the story as she hugged her daughter back. After a few minutes, she felt Alabaster fall asleep in her arms and tucked her back in carefully, giving her a quick kiss on the head before leaving the room._

_Blair felt horrible; she never wanted to be anything but strong for her daughter. She never wanted her baby to see her cry. As she shut the door quietly behind her, she decided she would have to lock away parts of herself from her daughter to keep that promise._

Blair pushed that memory away as she got out of the limo, going into the Palace Hotel lobby. It was late, but she had caught the first flight she could. Eric had called her almost a day ago and said that she needed to come. When she asked why, he had just said that Alabaster was acting weird. She wasn't talking, or eating much, which worried Blair as she booked the flight quickly after hanging up.

She was about to walk up to the lobby desk, when her phone rang. She picked it up quickly as soon as she saw her daughters name on the ID.

"Alabaster?"

"Mother... can you come visit for a few days?"

Her heart swelled at the sound of her daughters voice, which was hallow and desperate. She just wanted her to be right in front of her, so she could hold her and tell her everything would be fine.

"I'm already here. I'm in the lobby actually."

There was silence for a second, before Alabaster told her the room number and hung up.

It seemed like forever as she watched the floor numbers go up on the elevator. Her daughter finally needed her, and the stupid thing couldn't go faster. She thought for a second that it might have been faster to take the stairs, but then she remembered her shoe choice for the day.

The door opened before she had a chance to knock and she saw her daughter for the first time in almost three weeks. The longest time she had ever been away from Alabaster. She was wrapped in a huge white robe, and the dark circles under her eyes seemed like nothing compared to the sadness Blair could see in those eyes.

Before she could say anything, Alabaster gently took her hand and motioned for her to be silent. Alabaster closed the door quietly behind her, and lead her to her room, also closing the door quietly behind her. Blair thought that Chuck was probably behind the other door she saw. She also thought that Alabaster knew how to shut doors without a sound too well.

"Eric called." Alabaster stated, rather then asked before she continued. "I thought I was hiding it well."

Blair wanted to scream at her that she shouldn't have to hide anything, but instead calmed herself. "I don't think anyone else noticed from what he said." Blair reassured, knowing that her daughter was probably worried about that now.

Alabaster looked at her silently for a moment, before tears started running down her face. "I've missed you mother."

Blair didn't even have to think about her next move as she took a step forward, pulling her daughter into her embrace. She stood there and let the tears run their course. Blair whispered soothing things, holding back all her emotions, as she stroked her daughter's silk hair.

Eventually they ended up at the foot of Alabasters bed. Blair sat with her back against it, and Alabaster laid next to her, her head resting in Blair's lap. It had been awhile since her daughter had stopped crying, but she still looked so sad and vulnerable. And worse for Blair, she didn't want to talk about what was wrong. So they just sat there in silence.

"The jester was Chuck." Alabaster said finally, and Blair pressed her lips together, wondering where the hell that had come from.

"Yes, he was."

"You lied when you said they lived happily ever after." She could hear the hurt in her daughter's voice, as well as some bitterness. "And it's all my fault."

Blair stopped breathing for a second, trying not calm herself before speaking, but she could still hear the harsh edge to the next words she spoke. "Charlotte Alabaster Bass-Waldorf, what happened between your father and I was not your fault. Don't you dare ever try to blame yourself for that, because that would be the dumbest thing you have ever done. You are the most precious, wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I would give up Chuck a thousand times over just to be able to be in your life for one second. None of it was your fault. Your father and I made mistakes, and unforgivably, they hurt you. There is nothing I can do about that now. But don't you ever dare say it was your fault, because you're the best part of both Chuck and I."

Blair took a deep breath after saying all that, hoping it got through to her daughter. She wondered how long Alabaster had been blaming herself for Blair's sadness. She also wondered how long ago she could have set her straight if only they had talked. If only they trusted each other. If only she had been the mother Alabaster deserved.

"I love you more then anything Alabaster. I'm sorry I don't always do everything right for you." Blair said this in a whisper, choking back the tears.

"I love you more then anyone mom." Alabaster replied.

Smiling, Blair bent down and kissed Alabaster head. It felt like those seven words were all Blair needed to feel happy. She had her daughter and her daughter had her. Even after years of estrangement, which was Blair readily took the blame for, they still cared for each other. Alabaster feel asleep soon after that and Blair was more then happy to stay on the floor and be her daughter's pillow.

She made a vow to herself that she wouldn't leave her daughter, especially when she was so clearly hurting about something, no matter how much Chuck tried to force her too. Her daughter's needs outweighed anything he could throw at her, and she would be strong for Alabaster.

Blair looked up from stroking her daughters perfectly wavy chestnut locks, just a shade darker then her own tresses. She seemed so perfect, sleeping there. In so many ways she reminded Blair of herself, but with something more. Something that came so much from Chuck there had been days when Blair didn't want to look at her.

She was sure Alabaster thought that all these years she was completely oblivious to how late she stayed out, or how many nights she came home drunk, but she knew. She could recount every one of those days. Blair wanted to wake her and tell her how much she wanted to be the one Alabaster turned to. But there was so much between them, so much she hadn't counted on. And it all piled up before Blair could do anything to stop it from happening.

If she had known that Alabaster could see her pain, she would have hid it better. All she wanted was to be strong for her only daughter, her only joy in life. From the time Alabaster was so tiny, she could remember wanting her to have everything in her future. The best education, the best friends, the best of everything.

She had loved her more then there could ever be words for, and now maybe….

Blair snapped her head up; her hand stopped stroking the delicate hair as her eyes focused on Chuck, standing in the now open doorway, the light behind him illuminating him as her eyes adjusted.

There was the usual fluttering, fear and the stop in breathing for a moment when their eyes meant. She thought sadly to herself this was the first time her whole family was in same room together. She kept her face blank of any of the number of emotions she was feeling though, as his eyes bore into hers.

He kept his face blank too.

After what seemed like forever, he came into the room, taking Alabaster carefully in his arms, picking her up and moved towards the bed. Blair stood up and watched him, watched the care in which he handled her daughter… their daughter. When he finally got her into bed and pulled the covers up to her chin, he kissed Alabasters forehead gently.

Everything, especially Chuck's last action, made Blair's whole heart hurt because until then, she never admitted to herself that she had made a mistake. One that had cost both her and Chuck, but more importantly, had hurt their daughter.

She watched Chuck straighten up and walk over to her until her was barely a foot away. His face was barely visible, except for the light pouring through the open door. But Blair could see his hand as it extended towards her, palm up. She could feel him willing her to take his hand.

But she didn't know if she was strong enough to.

* * *

**AN:**_ Okay, well here it is. I really hope you guys like this chapter. I just wanted to say I'm sorry there wasn't more of everybody else, but I really felt strongly that this had to be about Charlotte and Blair more then anything._


	10. Chapter 9

**_Names and Letters Chapter Nine:_**

Blair looked at the outstretched hand, her whole body yearning to hold it. To hold onto the man who offered it for dear life and never let go again. She knew that if she did, if she could just let go of all her worry and self doubt about everything in her life, including him, that little hole in her heart would feel whole again. If only she could just reach out and grab the hand of the man who had given her the two most amazing gifts in the world.

Her daughter and the knowledge of what it was like to be in love.

But whose hand was she taking, Blair worried to herself silently, trying to assess every aspect of the situation. Was it the Chuck who charmed her in high school, the man she fell head over heels in love with. Or was it the bitter, angry Chuck, who she had only had a glimpse of three times in her life. Was this all a trick so he could see all her cards, and then burn them?

And it wasn't just her taking his hand anymore. It wasn't just her heart involved in the transaction. If it was, it wouldn't have been more then a moments hesitation. She stole a quick glance at her sleeping daughter, who looked too small for the bed she laid in, too vulnerable for the mean world outside her door at this moment.

What would it do to Alabaster if it didn't last this time? She already bore the scars of having grown up without her father; that much was evident to Blair now. What would it do now if her and Chuck broke up. She knew Alabaster would feel the need to choose, once and for all. It would break Chuck hearts but…

What if her daughter didn't pick her? What if she was so bitter she decided she could stop loving Blair? Not that Blair would make her choose. But if she chose that, Blair knew she couldn't just live with it. But she would have to, wouldn't she?

"Blair?" The voice she had a heard a thousand times in her dreams brought her back to the here and now from the unforgiving _what-if_ her mind created.

She snapped her head back, looking at Chuck. Both his hands were nestled in his pockets now, in that old familiar pose. The moment had passed, and the part of Blair that wanted Chuck Bass every waking minute gave an ache of protest. Of course the pain of that ache wasn't as abundant as it once had been; years of feeling it had dulled the sensation.

"Blair. Your not going to faint are you?" He kept his voice low, shooting worried glances at Alabaster. She didn't understand for a moment why, because she had always known Alabaster could sleep through a parade when she was this exhausted, but then it dawned on her. Of course Chuck wouldn't know that fact. More guilt seeped in, adding onto the already emotional fatigue Blair was trying to wade through.

When she didn't answer right away, Chuck grabbed her arm and pulled her into the living room, shutting the door almost as quietly as Alabaster had.

"I don't want you fainting in there." He snapped at her.

"I don't faint." Blair snapped back, pulling her arm away from his grip.

Chuck didn't even respond, turning his back on her as he went over to the plush couch and sat down heavily, sprawling his legs out in front of him. Blair took a deep breath, trying to squash to fluttering unsuccessfully before she went and sat down next to him on the couch.

During the sustained silence that wasn't so much awkward, as it was necessary for them both, she wondered if he still felt the fluttering. If he still dreamed of her. If he still missed anything about her.

"You could have told me Blair."

She stilled the voice inside that wanted to tell him that she now wished she had, and waited a moment to collect her thoughts.

"You were busy when I tried." Her voice was full of venom, memories of him in bed with another woman mere hours after the _fight_ filling her mind.

Blair winced when the sound of Chuck's foot kicking the coffee table echoed in the room and watched sadly as he got up and walked into his room, the heat that filled the room leaving with him. But Blair was never really one to walk away from a fight, especially with him, so she followed him, shutting the door behind her as she entered his bedroom.

There would be no escape for either of them from what needed to be said. Dead or alive, they needed to finish this. For their daughter, and for themselves.

"You could at least see it from my prospective Chuck. What kind of father figure would you have been? The drinking, the drugs, the lecherous comments? The irresponsibility."

"That all would have stopped." His voice sounded angry, his back facing her once again as he looked out the window.

"How can you be sure Chuck? It was fine when it was just us. But she needed more then what you got from you own father." Blair regretted the last comment as instantly as it left her lips.

He moved more quickly then she saw, his hands grabbing her arms roughly as they pushed her against the door. His entire body was shaking and his eyes were dark. "Damnit Blair, I would not have turned into my father." Chucks voice was dangerously soft.

"How can you be sure?"

The question hung between them like a noose that wasn't sure which way to swing. Blair couldn't tear her eyes away from Chuck's, struggle evident on his face as if he wasn't sure of anything anymore. As if he was being pulled in a thousand directions at once by his emotions. Blair could sympathize because she felt the same way.

Looking at him now, it didn't seem like he had changed much. The only thing that really looked older about him was his eyes and she wondered if the same could be said about her. If he even cared how she looked now. Of course, she knew he never married, but that didn't mean anything. According to society pages, he had enough to keep him busy.

"Why couldn't you just have let us be happy B? Why couldn't you have just trusted in me? In us?" His unusually sad voice pulled her out of her wondering thoughts and she felt tears sting her eyes.

Blair opened her mouth to apologize, but no amount of _I'm so sorry_ would ever make the hurt and anger betrayed by his features alright, nor the pain her heart felt. So Blair just kept her mouth closed, which was obviously not the smartest move she had ever made. Chuck let go of her arms quickly, as if she was diseased, the moment he realized she wasn't going to say anything. Backing away a few feet, he raked his fingers through his disheveled hair, his entire body quaking.

"Damnit Blair… I've missed so much." His voice was an angry whisper. "How am I ever supposed to get back that time with Alabaster? How is she ever going to forgive me for not being there to… to... Teach her to ride her bike??"

"Chuck, you don't even know how to ride a bike." Blair said calmly, trying to control the situation and soothe him.

"That's not the point Blair!" Chuck didn't even bother trying to keep his voice down, the damning words coming out in a full scream.

"Chuck…"

"Don't Blair. I'm not going to forgive you. You did this to us. You hurt me, you hurt yourself, and most importantly, you hurt our daughter. Our daughter. I can't have you staying here with us. Get another room and stay the hell out of my way, and life. As far as I'm concerned, the only thing we ever need to discuss again is visitation schedules."

Blair felt wounded, every word he spoke was full of anger and truth she couldn't deny any longer. She just needed to be alone and cry for a few hours. Needed to recharge for the next round. But, she was still a Waldorf, so she wouldn't fall down infront of him. Straightening her shoulders, she stared at the man she loved in the eyes, not showing a ounce of emotion.

"Fine Chuck. But I'm coming back in the afternoon, because Alabaster wants me to be here. And so help me God, if you try to interfere with me seeing my daughter, I will destroy you."

With that, Blair left Chucks room, and the suite, vowing to return in a few hours. She wanted to sit by Alabasters bedside like she did when her daughter was younger, but that was almost impossible. She needed sleep. She needed to think. She needed her daughter with her and she needed Chuck.

Blair thoughts sadly to herself that four out of five wasn't bad as she turned to key to open 1812.

* * *

Serena smiled at Dan's sleeping face. Who knew that someone's snores could be so adorable she thought to herself? Creeping out of the bedroom silently, so not to wake anyone on their day to sleep in, she entered the kitchen and put on the coffee pot. While she was waiting for the thing to finish, she noticed her cell phone displayed one new text message from an unknown number.

_"S, we need to talk, B."_

* * *

Chuck stared at the door for the longest time after Blair left, wondering if he should run through it after her, or lock it. He was still shaking from anger, wondering how he let his life get this way. He wished for a dozen things, but wishing was frivolous, so he tried to push all the regrets and _what-ifs _out of his mind.

Collecting his thoughts, he moved over to the dresser and picked up his cellphone. Scrolling through the contacts, he finally found the name he wanted. If someone had asked him an hour ago, he would have said he would never speak to this person again, especially after fifteen years of peace.

Putting the phone to his ear, he listened to it ring four times before it was picked up on the other end.

"Georgina, this is Chuck Bass, would you like to have dinner with me?"

* * *

Charlotte awoke slowly, the sound of her cell phone calling her back from soothing dreams. Her eyes still burned from crying, and she reached out for Blair, to find no one there. She suppressed tears, wondering if her mother had just been a good dream, amidst all the darkness that seemed to encompass her.

Stretching out her slim arm, she grabbed her phone, pushing everything else out of her mind. Time to put on another show, she thought glumly to herself, wondering if that's all her life could ever be.

"Hello?"

"Hey Charlotte! It's Tommy. Do you want to ditch family breakfast and help me out with a project?"

* * *

**AN:** Okay, sorry this took so long. I've been working on some other fanfictions that I should hopefully post soon, and juggling writing is not one of my better skills! I just wanted to thank all my readers and reviewers, you guys are seriously my muses and I love reading what you think. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter :) :) :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl!


	11. Chapter 10

**Names and Letters Chapter 10:**

Blair watched the familiar buildings blur by as she waited for the limo to stop at the address Serena had provided for her. She wished she felt at least rejuvenated after a few hours of sleep, but she felt sluggish. Of course that shouldn't surprise her; Chuck had always been able to leave her a bit emotionally hung-over. He was like some sort of illegal drug and being in the same room as him, even though they were fighting, made everything a bit rushed and blurry.

When the limo stopped, she paid the driver and gave him the best smile she could muster before getting out. She hadn't even been able to hit the doorbell before the door was swung open and Serena rushed through the doorway, smile as big as ever, blond hair longer and still flowing and caught her in a hug.

Blair hugged her back, memories of all their times together rushing through her brain. The good and bad times, but even in the bad times, they were still friends, weren't they? They could always tell each other everything, except…

Blair felt tears forming behind her eyes and held on tighter to Serena. They must look like fools to those who passed by, but it didn't matter to Blair. All that mattered was trying to figure out how she made it all these years without her best friend. That was when the tears wouldn't be held back any longer and she cried.

It took a minute to hear that Serena was crying too and somehow that made her feel better.

Blair couldn't tell how much time had passed that they just stood there crying, but it had felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of her. Even though they had so much to tell each other, they didn't need to talk to figure out that the bond was still there.

"Mom, are you okay?"

Serena let go of Blair, but kept a hand around her shoulders as she turned around. Blair looked up, wiping her eyes at the tall man before her that had to be Thomas Humphrey and couldn't help but smile. Something about him reminded Blair of someone, but she couldn't put her finger on it exactly. It must be the combination of Cabbage Patch and Serena, all rolled into one.

"Yeah. I'm great Tommy." Serena suddenly flashed her trademark smile, which her son quickly mirrored in relief.

"This is Blair Waldorf, Charlotte's mother."

"I could kind of tell." Tommy said light heartedly and extended his hand, looking Blair straight in the eye. "You two look a lot alike."

Blair shook his hand and smiled back. "I'm very proud of her." She said, before releasing his hand.

"Where are you going?"

"Actually, I was going to save Charlotte from grandfather and take her around town…" He glanced at his watch.

"Go, go. You're going to be late!" Serena scolded. Tommy smiled and kissed Serena on the cheek quickly, said the usual nice to meet you to Blair, and hailed a cab, leaving Blair and Serena on the porch alone, once again.

"He seems very nice." Blair offered first, suddenly feeling awkward.

"Oh, he's great. I love him so much!" Serena said, smiling and looking off towards the departing cab, before focusing on Blair again. "Come on, let's go inside and have something to drink."

"That would be great." Blair said, following Serena into her home.

* * *

Eric put down his paper and picked up his ringing phone, a frown forming on his face when he saw who was calling.

"Is Charlotte okay?" He asked quickly after he picked up, not giving her time to do the fake pleasantries.

"Yes."

"Is Blair okay?"

"Yes."

"Is Sebastian okay?"

He heard an exasperated sigh, "He's fine too."

"I'm not bailing you out."

"Shut up Eric. I'm in trouble."

He quickly thought _no shit, you are trouble_ before taking a deep breath. "What do you want Georgina?"

"Chuck called a bit ago and asked me out."

"Blair's Chuck?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"What the hell, of course I'm sure!"

"That doesn't make any sense."

"I know. He's probably pissy cause Snow White did something dumb. Again. But I have a plan. I just need your help."

"Last time I helped you with a plan, my rental car got blown up."

"That was Sebastian's fault." She said quickly, and all Eric could do was roll his eyes.

"Fine. Tell me about the plan."

* * *

"So of course, Tommy got accepted! There wasn't a doubt in anyone's mind that he wouldn't. And now he's home for the summer."

Blair smiled and continued nodding at the appropriate times. Her and Serena were seated at the counter in Serena's kitchen, and Serena's had been filling her in on what her life had been like for the past eighteen years.

"So it looks like you got your fairy tale." Blair said after Serena had stopped.

"Yeah. I mean, we still have our problems. But we got over the big one…"

"Big one?" Blair perked up, ready to attack anything that threatened her friend's happiness.

"It was right after you left, not a big deal. I mean, it was." Serena sighed and looked away for a second, before continuing. "We had already had Tommy, and Georgina decided to try to mess with my life again. Almost destroyed my marriage actually. But that's behind me and Dan now."

Blair nodded and kept her mouth shut. Her and Whoregina weren't exactly friends now, but their children had brought them to a truce of sorts. Enough of one that they had spent holiday's together, and weekends in the country.

"What about you B?" Serena asked, suddenly her bubbly self once more.

"Oh, just this and that. I'm a magazine editor now." Blair said, not really sure what to say of her life. "Raising Alabaster has been hard at times, but worth it. I really love my daughter. Of course, I always had Eric and my father to help. My mother use to help too…"

"Yeah, sorry I couldn't make it to the funeral." Serena added awkwardly, guilt on her face.

"Its fine. Really." Blair gave a sad smile.

"Charlotte must have been about… four or so?"

"Five actually, so she doesn't remember much. The day after the funeral is when she actually meant Sebastian."

"Oh. What's with that by the way? I thought you and Georgina would have kept them from being friends."

"We tried." Blair said, laughing, "Believe me, we tried. But they won."

Serena nodded slowly, growing silent for a moment before looking at Blair. "Why did you do it B?"

"You've meet Chuck, haven't you?"

"Blair."

"What do you want me to say? I can't say the right thing to him about it, and now I can't say the right thing to you either."

"He's just hurting Blair, he's been miserable without you."

Blair shrugged, keeping her gaze firmly on the thin layer of liquid at the bottom of her coffee cup. She didn't want to admit to Serena that she had been miserable too.

"B, you two loved each other more then anyone else I know. And I don't think he's stopped loving you." Serena sighed, "And I don't think you stopped loving him either."

"Love isn't enough Serena. Love isn't enough to fix the fighting. Love isn't enough to protect Alabaster. Love just isn't enough." Blair said softly, choking on the words as they came out.

Blair felt Serena put her hands on her shoulders and turn her around so Blair was forced to look Serena in the eyes.

"B, love is always enough. It just takes awhile to kick in sometimes." Serena said firmly, and before Blair had a chance to object, she added. "Just trust me B, talk to Chuck."

* * *

Charlotte knocked tentatively on her father's door before opening it, and instantly the smell of scotch hit her. It wasn't repulsive, just surprising. Her mother had a strict no hard liquor in the house policy. She was even touchy about wine.

Moving into the room slightly, she saw her father dozing in the desk chair, holding onto an almost empty bottle of scotch. Sighing, she went up to him and took the bottle, setting it on the desk, next to her mothers open diary, before lightly shaking him on the shoulder.

"Daddy?" she asked softly when his eyes fluttered open.

"Alabaster?" he said through a yawn, before standing up quickly, suddenly awake and looking very guilty.

"Long night?"

"Yeah…" the other Chuck said, not meeting her eyes.

"Where's mom?"

"She left, she said she would be back later though."

"Oh. Right."

"Listen, I wasn't really drinking that much. Because drinking is bad. So don't think that you can drink… or anything. I mean, it's just, I needed a drink, but you don't need to drink. Your not even old enough to drink. So it would be illegal."

"I had this talk already." Charlotte said with a small smile, touched by the concern and effort her father was putting forward. "Thanks though."

"Yeah… I just." He hugged her quickly. "Sorry I'm not good at this father stuff."

"Your doing great."

Chuck nodded and sat back down in the chair. "Did you want something?"

"Tommy and I are going to go out for awhile, if that's okay with you?"

"Of course. Just be back by one or so."

Charlotte nodded and started to leave the room, before turning back around quickly. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll make it through."

"Okay, well I'm going to go then. If you need anything, just call."

* * *

Eric was almost speechless when Georgina finished telling him her plan.

"They will kill you." He finally said, "They will literally kill you."

"It won't be that bad. Besides, if all turns out fine, they will have other things to think about."

"I'm not sure about this Georgina."

"It will work. Don't you want them to be happy Eric? Or do you secretly want Blair for yourself?"

"What? NO! I mean. I don't want Blair."

"Good, then to prove that, you'll help me."

"I'm not sure."

"I'll take all the blame."

* * *

"What about these?" Tommy asked, picking up a pair of bright, festive maraca's and started to shake them.

"I thought you wanted a safari theme?" Charlotte asked, a smile plastered on her face as she watched Tommy dance around the aisle with the maraca's.

He stopped at her question and looked at her. "Can't I have both?"

"NO!" Charlotte said sharply, and took the maraca's away from him. "You're a horrible party planner."

"Well then, I'm lucky to have you." He said, giving her a big smile.

Charlotte rolled her eyes. She didn't know what she had expected when she got the call from Tommy, but to help plan his parents surprise anniversary party wasn't it.

"We could have a Under-the-Sea theme."

"You still couldn't have the maraca's."

"Sebastian had maraca's in the Little Mermaid."

Charlotte frowned slightly at the name and turned her back to Tommy, pretending to look over the contents of the shelf while she tried to put her mask back on. But it was too late; almost. She couldn't help but wonder what Sparks was doing. This had been the longest they ever not talked to each other. Of course, he was probably hung over right now, knowing him.

"Charlotte?"

She heard Tommy and looked over her shoulder, putting on the biggest smile she could muster, pushing Sparks out of her mind. "Fine. You can have the maraca's only if you pick a theme."

"Its not about that." He said, his face serious as his eyes bore into hers. "I know you've been pretty bummed these last few days. And I know what about. I mean, I know you love your parents, but you deserves better then either of them Charlotte."

"Oh." Was all Charlotte could say, half glad that Tommy didn't know the real reason why she had been acting odd, and half angry at herself for letting other people know that she wasn't all chipper.

"I just… I'm here for you."

Charlotte smiled and handed him the festively stripped maraca's. "Thanks cousin. I'm here for you too."

"Yeah." Tommy gave her a big smile. "Okay. Enough of this serious grown-up business. On to costumes!" He said enthusiastically, and practically frolicked down the aisle towards the costume section of the store.

Charlotte couldn't help but smile at her cousin and felt a twinge of regret in not being able to know him sooner. Taking out her phone, she opened it and looked for any missed calls. She tried to tell herself she was making sure her father didn't need her, but she wished that Sparks would just call and say he was drunk. And then she would make him grovel for her forgiveness for a few days, then they could go back to being friends, like nothing happened.

She told herself sternly that's what she wanted.

She put her phone away and was about to go after Tommy when she noticed he left his phone on the counter were the maraca's use to be. Rolling her eyes, she picked it up the exactly moment it got a new message. She dropped it accidentally, surprised by the vibration. Sighing, she picked it up from the ground, the screen open from the fall. She read the text on the screen quickly without meaning to and closed it quickly, scolding herself.

Putting the phone in her purse, she went off to find her cousin, trying to put the curious text out of her head, which read:

_No problem. Think of it like making a deal with the devil, only winning. See you at the party._

_-Aidan_

* * *

Chuck had just finished moving the coffee table back when someone knocked on the door. Going over to the door, he looked through the peephole and sighed at the sight of Blair standing out in the hallway. He wondered how long before she gave up and leave if he didn't open the door.

"I can hear you breathing Chuck."

Chuck rolled his eyes and opened the door. "Alabaster isn't here." He said curtly.

"Are you going to make me wait outside?"

"No, by all means, pollute my home." Chuck replied, trying to bottle the anger and the fluttering all at once as he stepped aside so Blair could come in. He thought for a moment he saw hurt on Blair's face before she swept by him and sat on the couch. Closing the door, he went and sat on the comfy love seat in the room, not trusting himself more then five feet near Blair.

"I want her for Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, and New Years."

Blair was quiet for a moment, and he watched her expression change from shocked to pissed in under five seconds. "Where the hell do you get off demanding that Chuck?"

"I get off demanding that because I missed having those holidays with her for about, oh I don't know, seventeen years Blair." He snarled back at her.

"The answer is no."

"Fine. I'll just call my lawyer then."

Before Blair could answer, the door opened and Alabaster stepped into the room, looking at them both wearily before shutting the door behind her.

"Hi." Alabaster said awkwardly and Chuck mentally kicked himself. He never wanted his daughter to feel weird in her home. Of course he remembered that this wasn't really her home. Her home was with Blair in Paris. He clenched his fists at his side to keep the anger at bay as he smiled at Alabaster.

"How was your day?"

"Fine. I actually just came to get changed. Eric was going to take me to the arcade tonight if that's okay with you… two."

"Of course that's okay. We can have breakfast tomorrow." Blair answered first, giving Chuck severe look.

"All of us?" Alabaster asked quietly, not meeting anyone's gaze.

Blair stood up and walked over to Alabaster and smiled. "Of course baby. Right Chuck?"

He gave them a slight nod and couldn't help but smile at Alabaster's happy face. "Just the three of us. Promise." Silently he wondered how he was going to be able to get through a _happy_ family breakfast with Blair. Especially after last night.

* * *

"Oh, it's all perfect Eric!" Georgina said, a huge smile plastered on her face as she surveyed the scene before her.

To Eric it didn't look perfect. Maybe if Blair and Chuck were two completely different people, then it might be okay. As it was, it looked like the setting of a disaster waiting to happen. The match that would surely light the fuse that would kill them both.

"Don't you think we should get the alcohol out of here?" He asked tentatively.

"What? No! Alcohol is key to all of this."

"To murder?" Eric asked, his voice weary as he started regretting this already.

Georgina sighed and turned to face him, giving him big puppy eyes. "Eric, don't you trust me?" she asked in her most pathetic voice.

"No." He said flatly, and started up the stairs. "I have to go pick up Charlotte. Good luck." He added over his shoulder.

* * *

Blair entered the restaurant, her nerves still frazzled from being in the same vicinity as Chuck. She would eventually get over that, she had to for Alabaster's sake, but right now she just wished her heart could decide how to feel about the whole matter. She felt guilty, that was for sure. But Chuck was being such an ass about the whole thing, it was pissing her off.

The rational part of her brain told her he had a right to act like that, but it didn't make it hurt her any less either.

It had been awkward being in the same room with him and Alabaster, and she was sure they all felt it too. Shortly after, Chuck had made some excuse to go to his room, Alabaster needed to change to be ready for when Eric came, and Blair got a weird text for Georgina, which was the entire reason she was here.

She didn't even want to think how breakfast tomorrow would go.

"Snow White!"'

Blair sighed, hearing Georgina before actually seeing her.

"Who meets at a restaurant at 7:09 exactly?"

"It's when the table would be ready, come one." Georgina said hurriedly, giving Blair a smile that made her blood run cold.

"What are you up to?" Blair asked, refusing to move.

"Nothing."

"I'm not moving until you tell me."

"Fine." Georgina replied snottily, "I want to talk about Eric."

"Eric?"

"I'm in love with him."

"Right. Seriously, what is this about?"

"Blair. I'll tell you when we sit down." Georgina said, grabbing her arm as she pulled her deeper into the restaurant. "Oh. This place is kind of weird. They make you get your own wine." Georgina said, and pointed towards a door. "If you want any…"

Blair sighed and shrugged her arm out of Georgina's grasp, wondering what kind of slum she was in that she had to get her own wine. No way in hell was she going through a dinner with Georgina without alcohol though.

"Fine." She said curtly and walked over to the door that was indicated, opening it and going down a few steps before her eyes met the sight of candles, old photo albums, two wine glasses, a huge bowl of cherries, and Chuck.

"What the…?" Before she could finish her sentence, she heard the door slam and lock behind her, apprehension over as she realized what her friend just did.

"Fall for the ol' _get your own wine_ trick too Waldorf?" Chuck said sarcastically.

* * *

**AN: **Alright, so here's the next chapter. I know its a bit weird, and I promise the next one will be better! Hah. I just want to thank all my reviewers first, you guys seriously make this story continue! I would also like to thank all the silent readers, hope you guys are enjoying this too. Anyways, Thanks alot to everyone for your support of the story! :) I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.

Also I would like to wish _gleechild_ a happy birthday :)

**Disclaimer:** I do no own Gossip Girl


	12. Chapter 11

**_Names and Letters Chapter 11:_**

Blair stood looking at Chuck, even after he went back to examining different wine bottles. She was aware she was visibly shaking, but didn't care much about stopping it. Her mind filtered back and forth between wondering how she had gotten herself into this position and the fact that Chuck hadn't spit out those words at her. For a moment before he resumed his intense interest in the selection of wine, he seemed like the old Chuck.

The Chuck that made her laugh. The Chuck that loved her.

But she also knew that he didn't mean for that to come out, as much was evident from his body language. She couldn't count on his love for her to outweigh his anger. Lifting her head high, she turned around and tried to turn the door knob unsuccessfully. He may have come to terms with their temporary imprisonment, but no way in hell was she going to be stuck down here with him.

She tried the door again, more forcefully. But the heavy oak wouldn't budge. She could almost feel the presence of that excessive eye liner wearing whore somewhere on the other side of the door, laughing at her misery.

Once she got out of here, she was definitely going to kill Georgina.

* * *

Chuck refused to look up towards Blair, no matter how much he wanted to. He knew now it had been a mistake coming here. He use to be a lot smarter, but somewhere in all his confusion and anger, everything got mixed up in his head. He rationed that's why he didn't question Georgina's insistence that he had to get his own wine, even though clearly that task was beneath him.

After all, he was Chuck Bass.

He put a bottle back where he had gotten it and went on to examining the next one in the line. He didn't even like wine, but he needed some sort of alcohol. Some sort of escape from the present reality of his life which was this:

He was trapped in a room with the mother of his child, who he sworn to hate, but somehow couldn't manage to.

Chuck didn't even look up towards her when she started yelling through the door for help, which was futile, considering that it was after seven in a popular Upper East Side restaurant. People probably could barely hear the person sitting next to them, let alone the trapped queen Waldorf.

He knew she probably knew this as well as he settled on a bottle and went about opening it and pouring himself a glass of wine. He reached for the second glass and stopped. Being alone with her was reminding him too much of the past. A past where he wasn't constantly consumed by misery, but happy with the love of his life.

_Blair snuggled closer to him, both of them had been silent for awhile. He couldn't even remember what day it was because he was already drunk off her presence. Intoxicated by her smile._

_They were both lying on a priceless rug which they had dragged outside to lay on while they watched the night sky. Reports had said there would be comets tonight, so here they were, at Blair's insistence. Of course it didn't matter to him. He'd probably watch the Notebook if she was there._

_"Chuck?" Blair said, breaking the silence, as she slurred his name. She had already had more then a bottle of champagne tonight._

_"Hmm?" He yawned out in reply, wondering how much longer before his little queen passed out and he could take them back into the heated vacation house._

_"You know," she slurred slowly, "in fairytales, at the end. When they all live happily ever after forever?"_

_"Yeah, I remember them Blair." He lied. He never watched a Disney movie in his life, but he didn't want to fight. He wanted to hold her._

_"Maybe one day we will have our forever."_

_He thought about it for a moment in silence, before answering her, knowing full well she probably wouldn't remember any of this._

_"Forever is too complicated, all I want is you."_

Chuck shook his head, angry at himself now. He drained his glass in one gulp and began to pour another. He didn't want to want Blair anymore, who by now had given up yelling and was sulking on the top steps by the door.

* * *

Eric saw Charlotte's eye brighten up at the sight of the photo fun booth set near the entrance of the two story arcade. He vaguely wondered how her parents were fairing, but decided to put all that out of his mind. Tonight was about him and his goddaughter having fun.

"Want to take a picture?" He asked Charlotte.

"Sure!" She replied and together they went into the booth, and sat down. They picked the options they wanted, settling on black and white with a fun frame, when the curtain opened on Eric's side and none other then Georgina came in and sat on Eric's lap.

"What the hell Georgina?" Eric exclaimed, his hand hovering over the Start button.

"When we were talking earlier, I remember you said you and Charlotte were coming here, so I thought me and Sebastian could join you." She replied, grinning, as the curtain on Charlotte's side opened for a minute as Sebastian came in and they all scrunched together uncomfortably.

"Okay!" Georgina said, "Everyone smile." And she hit the button before Eric could protest anymore.

* * *

Blair sighed, resting her head against the door as she looked down at Chuck as he went through yet another bottle of wine. She couldn't understand why he looked so at ease with the situation, but she figured the alcohol running through his bloodstream probably helped matters.

She had given up yelling and banging, though it had helped take the edge off the frustration, but in the end it just exhausted her. She had tried her cell phone, only to find her service didn't extend into wine cellars and wondered quietly to herself how long before someone opened the door.

She watched Chuck as the minutes went by slowly turning into an hour, then an hour and a half. She noted that he was deliberately not looking at her, which made her angrier at him then anything else. She wanted him to grow up and act like an adult about everything and stop ignoring her.

Eventually, he picked up one of the photo albums and opened it. She watched his face as the mask of nonchalant arrogance broke, replaced by a smile she knew he only showed around her and she craned her neck a little to try and see what caused such a reaction.

"Is that Alabaster?" He asked softly, still not looking up at her.

Getting up slowly, she moved down the stairs and by his side within seconds and felt a smile grow on her face as well as she looked down at a baby picture of Alabaster sitting in her playpen, giving a toothless grin up at the camera.

Blair finally recognized where she had seen the photo albums before. They were Eric's, and for a second she wondered how Georgina had managed to get them. Knowing her, she probably broke into his apartment and stole them.

"Yes," She said slowly, "That's my little girl."

"Our little girl," Chuck said sternly, "Ours."

Sighing, Blair nodded and poured herself a glass of wine. She knew she was going to need it to get through the night.

* * *

"Why is no one but me smiling?" Georgina asked, looking at the little slideshow of pictures.

Eric shrugged off the question, his gaze intent on Charlotte and Sebastian, who were awkwardly not looking at each other. Not smiling. Not joking. Not whispering. Not plotting. Nothing.

He knew why he wasn't smiling in the pictures, but that didn't account for them. They always smiled when they were together. He folded his arms as a frown set on his face and wondered if this was the cause of his goddaughters recent unhappiness.

"Fine." Georgina finally said, oblivious as she threw away the picture. "We can take one when we all leave. And you guys better be smiling too."

* * *

Blair was sitting next to Chuck on the ground now as they finally got to the second album. She wasn't sure what exactly to say or do. This was the most calm she had seen him since he found out about their daughter. He seemed transfixed on every new picture he saw, as if looking at them long enough would make it so he was there when they were taken.

She felt him stiffen beside her as he saw a picture of her, Eric, and Alabaster, all seated together wearing Santa hats and smiling.

"One big happy family." He stated, not looking at her.

"Chuck…"

"I should have been there Blair. Not Eric." He ripped the page out of the album and threw it away from him, as if that would make it disappear entirely.

"I'm sorry Chuck. I can't change the past though." Blair said, her eyes blinking away tears. He was to drunk and broken by looking at a life he should have had to start a fight, and she was too guilty to start one either. So they sat in silence for the most part as he went from page to page looking at picture of Alabaster growing up. Everything from Halloween costumes, to school pictures.

The last picture in the last photo album was taken only a few months ago. Sebastian and Georgina had flown over to spend Christmas with them. In the picture Alabaster and Sebastian were making snow angels.

"She looks like you." Chuck offered, as he closed the album, putting it on the pile next to him of other albums.

"So I've been told."

Then they both sat in silence, drinking the remains of another bottle of wine. Blair could feel herself getting a buzz, and wondered how drunk Chuck was. Of course his tolerance was higher then hers, it always had been. She tried to tell herself that she was warm because of the alcohol, but it wasn't that.

It was warmth that could only be caused by proximity to Chuck Bass. Her shoulder was barely touching his and she was reminded of all those years ago in his limo, when she had been so free, so bold. When she took what she wanted. And, even now, she still wanted him.

Draining her glass completely, she set it down with a loud clank, which got his attention. She felt her cheeks flush as she met his eyes, their noses almost touching. And what he saw in his eyes made her heart jump in joy.

There was no anger, his eyes were soft and loving and he looked like he did all those years ago, when they would snuggle with each other at night in their bed.

"I love you Blair."

* * *

Charlotte couldn't believe her luck, as she tried to focus on the screen ahead of her, telling herself that the night had to end soon. Because if it didn't end in an hour, she would fake sick, or make up an imaginary curfew, or something, anything. Because if she didn't get out of there the awkwardness would kill her.

Sparks hadn't even said a word to her, or really looked at her all night, even though his mother was consistently throwing them together to play different games. First it was bowling, which he won, then it was air hockey, which he won, then that stupid basketball game, which he won.

At least now they were playing something she would win, because she knew from experience Sparks was horrible at Dance Dance Revolution.

She looked away from the screen for a minute at her godfather, who was standing next to Georgina as she tried to grab a stuffed animal with the claw. He had been watching her all night, with his arms crossed and a frown on his face. She smiled at him and waved, trying to reassure him that everything was alright, even when it clearly wasn't. Hell, there was even a picture in the garbage to prove it wasn't.

"Bass." Sparks said suddenly, "We need to talk."

* * *

Blair felt like she was positively glowing, a big dopey grin on her face as she looked up into the eyes of the man she loved. He still loved her was the only thought that was able to go through her mind. She was shaking with joy and didn't care. Everything felt good and complete.

"I love you too Chuck. I'm so sorry for everything, but I never stopped loving you either." She said, and started to lean up towards him, only to be roughly stopped as he placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away, his eyes darkening slightly in a mixture of pain and anger.

"I don't think I can forgive you though Blair." He said almost casually, his hands still gripping her shoulders.

She didn't even try to stop the tears as she got up, roughly pushing him away and walked to the other side of the room. She felt heart broken all over again, and wondered why she even loved him when he constantly did this to her. When he constantly made her feel so unwanted.

She had been a fool to say she loved him too. She should have never let him know. It was probably the alcohol and memories that had made her let her walls down. But never again would she do that. It wasn't like the movies, this was real life and of course he couldn't forgive her. How could he when she couldn't even forgive herself.

* * *

"Really?" Charlotte said, trying to ignore her heart thumping again her chest as she concentrated on the arrows on the screen, moving her feet perfectly. "Because I'm doing just fine with not talking."

"Liar liar." He replied, missing two steps. "You're just afraid."

Charlotte mentally hit herself as she missed a step too and replied like any Bass would. "I'm not afraid of anything."

"Yes you are." He replied coolly, stopping playing the game entirely as he turned his full attention on her. "You're afraid of love and kangaroo's."

Turning to face him too, Charlotte couldn't think of a reply and wondered how she got herself into this situation with him, of all people.

"Can't you just forget about the whole thing?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from sounding desperate. She wanted to be able to call and text and hang out with Sebastian again, like before, without this whole stupid love thing getting in between them.

'No. This isn't something I can just forget about."

"Fine. Whatever." She replied coldly, "I have to leave anyways. Have a good life." As she turned away, she started looking for signs that indicated where a restroom was. She needed her white escape now, more then ever.

"Yeah, just walk away." She heard him angrily say behind her. "I guess you really are you mother's daughter."

Wheeling around, she looked Sebastian square in the eyes, and the anger she just felt suddenly vanished. All the words she wanted to scream at him vanished with it. She was still shaking, but it was different then before. She couldn't believe her Sebastian would ever say anything like that to her. Ever. The one thing that had always been off bounds was their families.

Sebastian suddenly looked different too, not defiant and angry, but sad and just as he reached out to touch her, Georgina's voice rang in.

"Look what I won!' She said cheerfully, holding out a small blue teddy bear between them, then noticed the emotional state of both of them for the first time tonight and Charlotte felt more embarrassed then ever. She felt Eric come up beside her protectively, and from the way Sebastian cringed, she knew he probably didn't look to happy.

"Georgina," Eric said firmly, his arms now wrapped around her affectionately, "Charlotte obviously isn't feeling well, so we're going to go home."

With that, he wheeled them out of the arcade without waiting for a goodbye, and into the first available taxi. Charlotte wouldn't look at him the whole ride back, her face blotchy with tears. She was glad Eric didn't try and talk to her either; he just sat beside her, silent and reassuring.

She knew he would ask tomorrow though. That he would tell her mother and she would ask. That it wasn't just her private problem any more. She couldn't bury her head in the sand and pretend her life wasn't in shambles any more.

And worst of all, all she wanted to do was call Sparks.

* * *

Chuck got up slowly and made sure he was balanced before heading over to where Blair stood crying and took her in his arms. He just stood there and took it when she beat her tiny little fists against his chest, and just held her as she cried in his arms, sobbing out words he didn't understand.

He didn't know how long they stood there like that before she finally fell asleep in his arms, obviously exhausted. He hated himself for doing this to her, and knew that tomorrow morning would be worse. But what was he suppose to do, lie to her? He did love her, he would always love her, but he didn't know if he could ever forgive her, so that left them both hurt.

Finally, one of the staff opened the door and was surprised to find them. Head clouded from the effects of alcohol and his arms full with Blair, he instructed them to put everything on his tab, and that he would be back for the album.

His queen slept in his arms throughout the limo ride back to the Palace, didn't even wake as he carried her up to his old suite and laid her in his bed and took off her shoes carefully, pulling a blanket over her and kissing her cheek softly before leaving, the fluttering in his stomach almost overwhelming him into staying.

He would have room service issues a wakeup call for her tomorrow and remind her of breakfast, but right now, all he wanted to do was climb into his own bed and forget.

* * *

**AN:** Okay, I just want to start out by saying I love all my reviewers, you guys really do inspire me. Without you, this story wouldn't have gone past the prologue! :) I would also like to thank all my silent readers, you guys rule too. I really hope everyone enjoyed this chapter as well, because it's actually one of my favorites. :)


	13. Chapter 12

**_Names and Letters Chapter 12:_**

* * *

Blair Waldorf awoke with a pounding headache and stinging eyes. It took her a moment before she actually had the will to sit up in bed and answer the ringing phone, the voice on the other end reminding her that in an hour and a half, she was expected to be fully awake and happy for breakfast with Chuck and Alabaster.

She knew however that she was neither happy nor awake as she went into the bathroom and took the longest, hottest shower she had taken in years. As if the scalding water could wash away Chuck.

_"Chuck!" Blair whispered, halfheartedly trying to push him off of her, the cold marble edge of the sink digging into her back behind her. "Stop it!"_

_Chuck stopped kissing her neck and looked at her, raising one eye brow._

_"Why?"_

_"Someone could walk in."_

_"They are all busy carving turkey." He replied easily, pushing a strand of hair out of her face. "And I haven't seen you in a long time."_

_"Two days."_

_"It seemed longer."_

_"Well, I'm sure you and your hand got reacquainted." She replied snarkily, absent mindedly fixing his lime green bow tie. "Now let's go back before someone walks in."_

_"No one is going to walk in. I promise."_

_"What if they do," she continued, "my reputation will be ruined."_

_"Its only family and your reputation is already ruined. You're with me, aren't you?"_

_"No, that means your reputation is ruined."_

_He sighed and let go of her, taking a step back. "Listen, I'll make you a deal."_

_"What kind of deal?"_

_"If anyone walks in, I'll… buy you jewelry or something."_

_Blair smiled, shook Chuck's hand, and before they could get much past kissing, she heard the door open._

_"Miss Blair!" Dorota's mortified voice screamed._

_Later that night, after a long, embarrassing dinner, Blair just lied awake in Chuck's arms, thinking about how much she had missed her dark haired love and the matching earrings to go with her favorite necklace that she would get tomorrow._

Blair sighed and glared at her reflection in the foggy mirror, promising herself that she would also stop remembering. She admitted to herself that she was disappointed and sad, but as she had done since she was a child in true Waldorf fashion, she channeled those feelings into anger. Towards the man that seemed to cause all the major misery in her life.

She was done acknowledging feeling bad for what she did.

She was done saying sorry.

She was done loving him; or at least admitting it to anyone, even herself.

* * *

Charlotte lay on her bed, staring up blankly at the ceiling.

What had seemed like a good idea the day before now seemed like a death sentence. She didn't even know if she wanted her parents back together really. She wanted the idea of them. The idea that love could conquer all. But it couldn't, she told herself, like her father had said, it doesn't make everything alright.

If anything it just makes it all far to complicated.

And the way things were turning out with Sparks was even more of a testament to the fact love ruins everything.

It was a small comfort to her that he looked as lost and lonely as she felt at the arcade, but he was also angry. His words hurt more then the thousands of slurs she had heard from jealous freshman.

Through the course of staying up all night, she had come to the unsatisfactory conclusion that she loved him back and she hated herself for it. She didn't want to use that love to destroy him, like the other Chuck had destroyed her mother. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him.

But she also knew that she was already hurting him, and that hurt worse then anything she felt before.

Getting up quietly, Charlotte went into her bathroom and shut the door, turning the faucet on. Kneeling down before the perfect porcelain she didn't even have to stick her finger down her throat that far before the bile rose and poured out.

She did it again and again until there was no more left, hoping that her feelings rested in the bowl with the rest of the filth.

* * *

"Sebastian?" Eric asked tentatively, answering his cell phone and checking the clock. It was only 8:30, but for someone like Sebastian Sparks, it would be early.

"Listen Eric…" he sounded tired, his voice slightly slurring.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't' matter… I just…" another pause, "Just tell her I didn't mean it okay?"

Eric didn't even have to ask who the _her _was. "Why don't you tell her yourself? Work it out."

"Can't." he said bitterly, "She's too damned scared to even acknowledge anything's wrong."

"Seb…"

"No. Don't worry about me. Just take care of her." He said and Eric heard glass clink in the background. "She won't let me do that any more."

Before Eric could ask anything else, the phone disconnected and he sighed. He was absolutely sure something was wrong between Charlotte and Sparks, but he didn't know what exactly. Enough to make them both miserable that was for sure. Enough to remind him of Blair and Chuck when they were that age.

He had inferred enough to know that whatever Charlottes problems were, they were rooted in her parents unhappiness as well. As her godfather, he had always protected her, helped her, and nothing would stop him from continuing to do so. Getting his jacket, he headed out the door, to what he imagined might be his death.

He was going to go call out both Chuck and Blair for being immature and too self absorbed in their own lives to realize they were still hurting their daughter. And if he knew them, which he did, they probably weren't going to take kindly to it.

* * *

Chuck felt drained and apprehension as he heard her knock on the door. He and Alabaster had just been talking about what restaurant to go to. Getting up to open the door, he was halfway to it when Blair just opened it herself and walked in, chestnut curls shining and bouncing as she walked past him as if he didn't exist and went over to their daughter.

"Alabaster, you didn't get any sleep?" Blair asked, her back facing him.

All he could do was roll his eyes, he had been present and on occasion the receiver of Blair's particular _if I pretend it doesn't exist, it doesn't_ approach. If Alabaster hadn't been present, he would have called her on it, but as it was, he just reined his anger and was about to speak when Blair beat him to it.

"What are we all standing around for? Let's go to breakfast." She stated, taking Alabaster by the hand and leading her out of the Suite. He caught up to them before Blair was able to make the elevator door close.

They all stood in silence and tension and Chuck found himself taking many deep breaths to keep from killing his always Queen. Finally, the elevator dinged to the last floor and the doors opened. He and Blair almost raced to be the first one out of the in closed space and he wondered if everything would always have to be a competition between them.

They didn't get more then four steps out when they both noticed the same thing and turned around to see Alabaster standing in the elevator, looking at them with the saddest look in her eyes. All Chuck wanted to do was to go and hug her and punch whoever made her look like that. But before he could, their daughter spoke.

"I'm sorry… I just can't deal with you two doing this right now." She said it simply, but with enough force to let both him and Blair know the subject was closed. He felt Blair flinch beside him.

"Alabaster…" Blair was the first to speak.

"No mother. " And with that she hit a button and the elevator doors closed, taking her farther away from him.

Blair instantly turned on him. "Look what you did!"

The thin restraint he had on his anger snapped, "What I did?? What. I. Did?" He said, facing Blair now, his voice rising with every word, his blood racing.

Blair opened her mouth to reply, but another beat her two it.

"Would you two just STOP." Eric said, appearing beside them.

"Eric, stay the hell out of this, it's a family matter." Chuck said through clenched teeth, not taking his eyes from Blair.

"And I'm Charlottes godfather, get over it. It makes me family. And BOTH of you are hurting her."

"Excuse me?" Blair said, rounding about to face him. Chuck did the same, ignoring the crowd that was gathering in the lobby to watch the spectacle.

"You two are so absorbed in hating or loving each other more. In being completely miserable, you don't even see that Charlotte is hurting."

"You don't know wha..." Blair started.

"Shut up Blair." Eric said firmly, looking at her.

"Don't you dare ever tell her to shut up." Chuck said, taking a step forward.

Eric looked from Chuck to Blair and shook his head. "See? Don't you see? You're doing it now. Do you have any idea how much you're on again, off again, never happened, I hate you, whatever the hell it is this minute relationship is affecting your daughter? That girl is so ill-adjusted when it comes to showing people affection and you two are to blame." Eric took a deep breath and sighed, "Just knock it off okay?"

* * *

"And he just told you to knock it off?" Serena asked, pouring another glass of champagne for Blair.

"Yes." Blair said, glaring at nothing in particular.

"Then what?"

"He left."

"What did you and Chuck do?" Serena asked, concerned.

"Nothing. He left, I left. Everybody left." Blair huffed out and for a moment Serena was worried she would break the glass.

"That's it?"

"Really S, there was nothing left to say."

Serena rolled her eyes at this, "Do you think it would help if you two talked, I mean for Charlotte's sake?"

"We tried that remember? Didn't help."

"Where's Charlotte now?"

"Locked in her room." Blair said, and then looked at Serena, "Where is your son?"

"Out to lunch with his cousin." Serena replied, letting Blair change the subject. She had forgotten how exhausting her best friend's life could be at times.

* * *

"I think I'll order the bass." Lily said from across the table, lowering the menu and smiling sweetly at his father. And much to Chuck's surprise, his father actually gave a slight chuckle at her joke.

Seeing his father and Lily flirt after all these years still made him a bit queasy and right now it was only worsening his current mood. After leaving Blair, he had gone to his former Suite and smashed up everything in sight, but it still didn't make him feel better. And worse, his daughter refused to come out of her room when he had returned to their shared suite.

"So, who are you taking Charles?" His father's voice sounded.

"Taking?" He asked, his arms crossed across his chest like a sullen child.

"To your stepsister's anniversary party."

Chuck thought about it for a moment, his trade mark smirk dawning his face.

"I'm taking Blair."

* * *

"Aidan, stop messing with that and help me." Tommy said half heartedly, trying to take the dancing hula girl center piece from his cousin.

"Why don't you just get the help to decorate?" Aidan replied, throwing him the hula girl finally.

"Because, I want this to have a personal touch to it. For my parents."

Aidan rolled his eyes and Tommy could just sigh at his wayward cousin.

"Listen, I'm not doing manual labor. I just came to ask if our deal is still on, regarding the lovely Miss Bass."

Tommy stopped unpacking his party decorations and looked at his cousin, worry filling his face.

"Yeah…" he reluctantly replied.

* * *

Blair looked up from the paperwork spread out on the coffee table at the sound of the knock and narrowed her eyes, because she knew that knock. Getting up, she told herself that she definitely was not happy to see him again. She stumbled a little on the way to the door before opening it, giving Chuck her most deadly glare.

"What the hell do you want?" She started out marvelously, before hiccupping and she knew she lost this battle and silently scolded herself for drinking too much at Serena's.

"Isn't it a bit early for that?" He said easily. And he was grinning, which Blair knew wasn't a good sign. In fact, it was bringing on her hangover headache much faster.

"You're one" _hiccup_, "to" _hiccup_, "talk." She said with as much dignity as possible.

He shrugged and leaned against the doorway. "So, I'm wearing orange tomorrow night, so try to coordinate so we don't clash."

"What?" She asked, obviously confused and a bit unsteady on her feet.

"We're going to the party together." His grin grew even wider.

"You didn't even ask me!" She slurred out angrily, regretting that third bottle even more.

The thing Chuck did next made her heart race.

Leaning in close, he whispered in her ear, "You were going to say yes, so I thought I'd cut to the chase." After he was done speaking, he didn't lean back, his head still buried in her hair and she knew they were both caught in the past for a moment.

Thankfully, she was the first the break free of it. Pushing Chuck out of the doorway, she slammed and locked the door, staring at it for a moment before finding the right words to fuel her anger towards herself at letting Chuck get under her skin once again.

* * *

Serena looked up and smiled at Tommy, who just got back home.

"Hey, where have you been?"

"Oh… Just hanging out with Aidan you know."

Serena nodded, her eyes following Tommy closely as he sat down across from her.

"Not getting into trouble?"

"Mom!"

She sighed, putting down the magazine she had been looking at. She loved her nephew, but she wasn't blind to all the bad things that tended to happen around him.

"I'm just saying be careful."

"I know." Tommy sighed out, looking at the family picture one the mantle that included her, Dan, Tommy, Jenny and Aidan. "Mom. Did you ever have good intentions go wrong?"

"If you got into trouble…"

"It's not trouble!" Tommy snapped, looking moody like his father. "It's just… complicated stuff is happening right now." He stopped, and she knew he wasn't going to talk any more on the subject.

She tried to make sense of her sons words, but couldn't, and wondered how many times her mother went through the same thing. Getting up, she went over to Tommy and put her arm around him, kissing his head.

"Whatever it is, your father and I will always love and support you. Just be careful okay?"

Her son gave her a weak smile. "I love you too. Now go get ready for dinner, I'm taking you and Dad out for your anniversary."

* * *

Dan Humphrey looked down lovingly at his wife as he followed his son up the steps to the "surprise" party. He and Serena had found out about it when Tommy had accidentally left the invitations out on the counter, but had decided to play along. Serena had even gone through the trouble of practicing fake exclaiming surprise, much to his amusement.

He was just happy to be with his family, no matter where they were.

* * *

Charlotte was finally able to tear herself away from her family, working her way through the crowd to the bathroom. She had promised Tommy she would come, so she had sucked up all that happened and dressed up.

The party was listed as casual, so she was wearing a tight rose colored sun dress, matching wedges and a perfect messy pony tail. Eric had dropped by the Suite to pick her up, getting the evil eye from her father. So they arrived, and a few minutes later her father and her mother arrived together, and that's when she started to feel that hard to breathe sensation again.

Her parents were no longer openly hostile. They were trying to out nice each other as she and Eric looked helplessly on, more guests started to fill in. But underneath it, there was almost a friendly undercurrent to their banter that Charlotte understood too well. Something that reminded her of the boy she didn't want to remember.

It didn't take long before Tommy escorted a surprised Serena and Dan in and the party started. Music was pumping, champagne was flowing. After sitting through an unbearable few minutes of small talk and congratulations, of stories of times long past, she knew she couldn't stomach more.

That was when she finally excused herself. When she finally entered the spacious bathroom, she removed the fake smile from her face and thanked God that it was empty as she found the first stall.

After she felt sufficiently empty and in control, she stood up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. The sight that met her eyes as she turned around managed to stop her dead in her tracks, if only for a moment.

She wondered if she had really been to self absorbed in her overwhelming need to regain balance that she didn't hear this guy come in.

"This is the women's bathroom." Charlotte said after regaining her composure and walked to the sink he was leaning next to. She guessed he was about her age, dressed for the occasion in khaki shorts and an unbuttoned rose shirt. He had his arms crossed and was staring at her through his sunglasses.

"You didn't look fine, thought you might need help."

"Obviously I'm fine." She replied shortly, trying to keep her body from shaking. After all her years of doing this, how had she been stupid enough to not shut the stall door?

"Really?" He grinned down at her, "Not sick?"

"Food poisoning. Nice meeting you." And with that Charlotte left, hoping she would never have to face that unnerving man again.

* * *

Blair easily tuned out whatever Dan was waxing on about, staring openly at Chuck. Eventually after all the alcohol had left her system, she decided going with him would be a good idea, just to prove to Eric that they could get along for Alabaster's sake. And for the most part it worked. It had been awkward in the limo, neither of them talking, both keeping a safe distance away from each other just incase nostalgia took over.

It was easier to deal with him at the party, when they had an audience. It was just like playing a part. It wasn't that big a deal to Blair until she realized he was being entirely un-Chuck like.

He was leering at the waitresses. He wasn't eyeing the young, scantily clad guests. He was just sitting next to her, talking only with her and his family. And what unnerved her even more was every now and then she would catch him looking at her with something other then anger in his eyes.

She could almost guess what he was thinking, because she was thinking the exact same thing. That it was entirely too easy to slip back into being nice to each other. Too easy to be able to sit together, almost touching. Too easy to talk. She just wondered if it would be too easy for him to slip back into that anger when there wasn't an audience anymore.

Before she could finish her thought, she saw Alabaster making her way back to her seat slowly. Blair couldn't put her finger on it, but something about the way she looked reminded her more of herself then Chuck, which was odd. Maybe it was because these last few days she actually was looking at her daughter.

She felt Chuck shift his gaze to look at their daughter too and could only imagine the expression on his face. Since she had told them both off, she had neither talked to nor looked at them much very much. She pretended like they didn't even exist. Blair desperately wanted to talk to her, but decided that eventually she would come to her when she was ready to talk.

So all Blair did was give her daughter a huge smile as she sat back down, her chair between Eric and Tommy. But Alabaster didn't even look in her and Chuck's direction. She imagined that Chuck felt much the same way she did at this point, even if he didn't show it as much as her.

"Jenny! Aidan." Dan suddenly exclaimed, a big smile dawning on his face.

"Dan" the newly arrived blond replied, giving her brother and sister-in-law a hug before turning and spotting Blair. Everybody sat in silence for a moment, finding their plates more interesting then anything else as she and her old rival stared each other down. Blair took some satisfaction when Jenny looked away and knew that she would always be Queen B in the back of her mind.

After another long moment of silence, Blair decided to be slightly merciful and put Jenny out of her misery.

"Hi Jenny. Nice to see you again after all these years."

"Blair." Jenny paused, and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Not much had changed in the petite blonde's appearance except the addition of some Dior eye glasses. Finally Jenny found something else to say. "You haven't met my son, Aidan." Jenny pulled the young man standing beside her forward a bit and whispered in his ear.

"What a lovely child. That is my daughter Charlotte Alabaster Waldorf-Bass." Blair said slowly, annunciating every syllable to show off how her daughter was clearly better then Jenny's son, in every way, including her name.

Of course, much to Blair's mutual disgrace and concern, Alabaster chose that exact moment to choke on her drink. Everybody turned their attention to her daughter as she tried to regain composure and even breathing.

"Sick?" Jenny's son suddenly said, as if it was some sort of private joke.

Blair watched as Alabaster looked at Aidan in fear, an expression that Blair never saw on her face before and didn't quiet understand.

"I'm fine." Alabaster choked out and quickly left again, not bothering to excuse herself.

"Some kid." Jenny muttered under her breath, evoking glares from every one at the table expect her brother.

* * *

Charlotte couldn't understand how life had suddenly turned on her. Everything was wrong, wrong, wrong. And it was all her fault. If she had never got on that stupid jet with Sparks, none of this would have happened. Her father and Eric would still be friends. Her mother would still be sad, but at least not in a state of constant flux between emotions. Her and Sparks would be pals as usual, with none of this love stuff. And no one, especially not someone who she would have occasionally had to see, would have caught her in the middle of her most precious secret.

And then taunted her about it later, she thought angrily as she started to breath easier again. She had found a secluded area, away from everything that was troubling her and looked at her phone. Taking a breath, she dialed Sebastian's number.

* * *

"Blair, come on."

"No, I have to find her." Blair replied, looking off in the direction where their daughter disappeared to. Chuck just held tighter to her arm, pulling her towards the dance floor.

"Blair, we are the last people she wants to talk to right now." He said, trying to get her mind, and his, off their daughter.

Blair looked at him, fire burning in her eyes. "Maybe she doesn't want to talk to you."

"Do you remember being a teenager B?" Chuck replied, slipping his hands around her waist as the DJ started a slow song.

"Yes, but…"

"Your parents were the last people you wanted to talk to when things were going bad. If she needs us, she can find us." Chuck said these words calmly, trying to bury his own worry, as he swayed with Blair across the dance floor, trying to ignore how elegant she seemed.

Blair got quiet after that, a lost look in her eyes. As the song went on, Chuck tried not to notice how their bodies got closer and closer together, until there wasn't an inch of air between them.

What surprised him most wasn't how right it felt to be with Blair; because he had always known that she was the one for him, but how there wasn't a sense of overwhelming anger underneath it all. The fact he was finally peaceful after almost eighteen years scared him.

* * *

"Hi, you've reached Sebastian. I'm off gambling away my trust fund, so leave a message."

Charlotte looked at her phone in disbelief, wondering if this was how Sparks felt when she was no longer answering his calls. She slowly felt herself sliding down the wall, as though it wasn't really her, but someone else. Someone totally and utterly alone, someone who was broken.

"Want some?" A voice offered and Charlotte looked up, horrified to find Aidan standing above her, a bottle of scotch in his hand. Quickly, she wiped the tears from her face, giving him her best glare and wondering how he kept finding her in her most vulnerable positions. Hell, she didn't even know the guy, she thought to herself.

"I don't drink from the bottle." She replied, turning her head slightly away from him and hoping he would just leave her. Everybody else had.

"You're loss." There was silence for a moment as he took a drink from the already half empty bottle. "Listen Ally…"

"Ally?" Charlotte snapped, looking up at him in disbelief.

"Alabaster, Ally… It works." He shrugged.

"No it doesn't."

"Too bad princess…" He grinned and added, "Ally."

"Go to hell."

He shrugged again, "I just wanted you to know, I'm not going to tell."

"Right. Because there is nothing to tell."

"You can trust me."

Charlotte looked at Aidan, almost in disbelief. They didn't even know each other and he just wanted her to trust him, when she barely trusted anybody? She barely trusted herself to be right. To be good or pretty or nice. The only person she remotely trusted was Eric, and that was only with so much. And this arrogant, blond just wanted her to know that her secret was safe with him.

"Back off Archibald." Sebastian said, suddenly appearing next to Aidan, glowering.

"Sparks?"

"Hey Bass, is this jerk bothering you?"

"What are you doing here?" Charlotte asked, standing up quickly and moving in between the two boys who were now glaring at each other.

"You called." Was all Sparks said, shrugging and looking as uncomfortable as she felt.

Aidan laughed and Charlotte glared at him, wondering what the hell he was still doing there. "Something funny?"

"You've got that poor boy whipped, that's all." And with that, he just turned around and sauntered back towards the music. Charlotte felt Sparks's hands clench under hers and for the first time realized that she was holding his hands.

"Stay away from him Bass." Sebastian said softly, looking down at her. "He's messed up."

"And we aren't?"

Sparks shrugged and maneuvered their hands, without saying a word, or taking his eyes off her face, and started slow dancing. Charlotte felt lightheaded and wondered what to do. So many things rushing through her head. So many things to take care of. Yet all she really wanted was to stay like this forever, against all rationality.

"I'm sorry for what I said. Truly."

Charlotte just shrugged in response and waited, exhausted from the day she had been having.

"I've got to say something, so just hear me out, okay?" Sparks said, still swaying them to the beat of the music.

"I know you're scared of… this, whatever it is. But you need to know that I'm not your father, and you're not your mother. We can make this work, because I sincerely believe we belong together."

"What if…" Charlotte didn't have time to finish her protest before Sparks leaned in and kissed her full on the lips. She couldn't bring herself to push him away anymore, though her mind screamed at her to. Everything she knew about love told her this would end badly for both of them.

But she couldn't deny the way it felt. Like everything came together and was perfect. It wasn't like she had imagined it, and she finally admitted to herself that she imagined this with Sebastian. It was soft and caring, not urgent. And for the first time in her life, she felt loved. She felt like she belonged somewhere, and was able to push most of the worries out of her mind.

Except for the one worry; that she would end up hurting him.

* * *

Blair sat next to Chuck in his living room and she wondered if she would ever get use to being in this suite. It seemed so out of place for him to live anywhere but 1812. After the party last night, they had barely left each others presence, except to sleep, or as it was, not sleep.

It wasn't so much that they were talking, or forgiving each other. It was more as if Chuck had resigned that he needed her, without saying so. And that she had admitted that she might still love him. But there wasn't time to talk about it.

After the dance had ended, that perfect dance, Chuck had looked like he was going to say the words she was dying to hear, one that she didn't want to admit meant almost everything to her.

He seemed like he was going to say he forgave her. But the sight of their daughter coming from a secluded area in the arms of none other then Sebastian Sparks had shot whatever thoughts he had from his head. He spent the rest of the night glowering in their direction.

Blair was just content that Alabaster was finally smiling again.

During the ride home, their daughter had informed them that she was going on a date tomorrow and Chuck remained quiet, until he was sure Alabaster couldn't hear him. Blair should have realized that while Chuck had adjusted to the fact that he had a daughter, he hadn't adjusted to the fact she wasn't four and he was entirely opposed to her dating someone "like that".

No matter how much Blair had told him that she trusted Sebastian, he didn't want to listen to a word of it. And now they were all waiting in his living room for their daughter's date to arrive. Thankfully, Alabaster was totally unaware of her father's displeasure. However Blair was acutely aware of everything about Chuck, from his flaring nostrils, to the slight glare in his eyes, his rigid posture, and clenched fists. She could clearly see that he was in fact Bart's son at moments of quiet anger like this.

She was however silently thankfully there wasn't a gun around when the knock at the door came. Their daughter almost gliding to the door and opened it, sending a huge smile towards them as Sebastian walked in the room, holding a single red rose.

Blair wasn't sure how she felt about them dating yet, their relationship mirroring her relationship with Chuck too much, but she didn't have time to really sort out her own thoughts. She was too preoccupied from keeping Chuck from strangling the young Sparks heir.

"Mr. Bass, Miss Waldorf." Sparks said, tilting his head towards them slightly before winking at Alabaster.

Blair could have sworn she saw a vein pop out on Chuck's forehead and wondered what Eric's reaction was. She still wasn't talking to her daughters godfather though, so she didn't know.

"She is to be home by nine." Chuck said all business as he glared down Sebastian. Blair gave the boy some credit that he didn't flinch away.

"Dad."

Blair quickly jumped in. "Your father said nine."

"Of course, I wouldn't think of keeping her out later." Sparks said, and Alabaster just rolled her eyes at him. Saying a quick goodbye, they both departed the suite and went off hand in hand.

The minute the door closed, Chuck jumped up and went to the phone.

"What are you doing Bass?" Blair asked, trying to keep a smile off her face.

"I'm going to hire somebody to follow them. I don't want that… person alone with our daughter."

"Chuck, she's a big girl."

"I shouldn't have let her go."

"She'll be back."

"But in what condition?"

Blair couldn't keep the smile from her face. "It's not like they are taking a limo."

Chuck just groaned and looked away as if he was being punished for his actions as a teenager.

* * *

Charlotte tried to concentrate on the road ahead of her, but when she heard her phone ringing, she dug it out of her pocket and looked at the screen briefly, keeping her other hand on the steering wheel of the Porsche.

"Hey." She said cheerily into the phone, and looked over at Sebastian, who was sitting in the passenger seat and mouthed Blair at him. He just smiled and said something about Chuck under his breath. They both knew that her father would be checking up on them somehow, but oddly, she wasn't that concerned.

She was happy.

"Are you planning on coming home at all for dinner Alabaster?"

"It's not nine yet mother."

She didn't want this date to end, or to think about the cheeseburger that was settling in her stomach from the dinner Sparks had forced her to have before starting her surprise. He had decided to give her an impromptu driving lesson on his mother's private estate which was a half hour outside New York. He said something about how she would like driving, because she would be in control. Oddly enough, he was right. She was actually glad he didn't go with the cliché dinner and a movie for their first official date. She was just enjoying spending time with him, no awkward getting to know someone phase of a relationship.

"I think it would be nice for both you're father and I if you both came home a bit early." Her mother's voice chimed in again.

Charlotte thought about the expression on her father's face before they had left and sighed. She wanted him to be happy for her and was happy that he was with her mother, not fighting, or not fighting, or whatever they were doing. He was too caught up in thinking she was a child to remember that he was suppose to not like Blair.

Charlotte thought that maybe this would be the push they needed to get back together, somehow. It was nice how her life was working itself out again. Now if only she could figure out what to do about Aidan…

"I'll try mother, but…"

"Charlotte, watch out!" Sebastian voice suddenly screamed, as he reached for the steering wheel. Dropping her phone, Charlotte gripped both hands to the wheel too, both of them wrenching it to the side to avoid the hitchhiker who appeared on the road in front of them after they made a turn.

Charlotte could feel the car spinning out of control in circles, a queasy feeling in her stomach, as the silver Porsche spun off the road and into the surrounding forest.

The only thing left after the screaming suddenly stopped was the sound of a dial tone and blood dripping.

* * *

A/N: Well, here it is finally. Sorry about the long wait, but this chapter was really hard for me to write. I would like to thank all of my reviewers, you guys know I seriously love hearing what you've been thinking of the story. I would also like to thank all of my silent readers, hope you guys are enjoying it too. Anyways, as always, I really hope you guys liked this chapter and continue to like the story. :)


	14. Chapter 13

**_

* * *

_**

Names and Letters Chapter 13:

Charlotte was vaguely aware of the pain erupting everywhere, every breath she took seemed forced, as if brick upon brick was laid on her chest. She tightened her hands around the steering wheel and pushed her body back in the seat, coughing at the mixture of smoke and some other rancid smell, before she realized it was her.

She tried to signal her hands to let go of the wheel, but her fingers wouldn't budge, white and taunt around the black leather. She felt dizzy and could hear something in the distance. It took her a moment to realize it was a siren.

She turned her head, crying out in pain as her neck gave protest. She couldn't remember why she was here. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was an empty passenger seat and a broken, red windshield.

* * *

Eric was the first to get to the hospital, but he knew that Blair was only minutes away, along with Chuck and the rest of the family. He wondered if he would ever get Blair's hysterical call out of his head. But right now it didn't matter, as he ran on autopilot to the front desk of the sterile room.

He felt dull and removed from everything as he asked for his goddaughters room number. She had already been moved out of the E.R., unlike Sebastian from what he understood. It would take Georgina another three hours to get back into the country. The nurse silently lead him to the room and commented that only two people where allowed to be in there at once and that her cousin was already in there.

Eric just nodded, wondering how Tommy had already gotten here when Blair barely knew. His hand gripped the cold mental handle and opened the door silently, looking in. He didn't step through the threshold though, the dim light illuminating the scene.

It wasn't Tommy, but Aidan who was holding onto Charlotte's limp hand, talking softly as his other hand was patting down her hair. Eric started to wonder about why he was there, but before he could get one step into the room, he noticed Charlotte's feet. They weren't covered by the standard blue blanket, they were just laying there dull and lifeless. Eric backed up into the hallway and closed his eyes.

_Eric almost jumped out of his skin from being woken up by a perfectally manicured hand shaking his shoulder. He opened his eyes only to see none other then Blair Waldorf looming over him._

_"When did you're family change the locks?" she demanded, her eyes red and puffy, "The maid had to let me in."_

_"Uh..." He couldn't stifle a yawn, which only got an annoyed look in return. "Lovely to see you Blair."_

_"Is S here?"_

_Looking at Blair more closely, Eric frowned. His sister and her had use to be best friends, but that was about four years ago. He couldn't explain the frantic tone of Blair's voice, nor could he come up with any reason why she was so desperate to find her former BFF now._

_"She lives with Dan now Blair."_

_"Dammit..." Her small figure collapsed on the floor, and she just started crying. Panicked, Eric got down next to her, engulfing her in a huge hug like Serena use to do to him every time he scraped his knee when he was little. He rocked her back and forth, and wondered where the hell his step-brother was. He was definitely not equipped to deal with a Blair Waldorf Breakdown._

_Finally, after her sobs turned to sniffles, he ventured to ask her what was wrong in the most soothing voice he could muster. She pulled out of his embrace slowly and gave him the most searching look he had ever received, her eyes piercing into his soul it seemed._

_"Chuck and I had a huge fight. Chuck slept with a complete skank. So we're pretty much over. Forever."_

_"Blair, thats horri..."_

_"Oh. Did I mention I'm pregnant with the devil's spawn as well?"_

_Eric blinked once. Then he blinked again, looking at Blair's face, to her stomach, and then back at her._

_"What?" He finally managed to get out, in a strangled voice._

_The fact that she took a deep breath should have warned him he was going to get more of an answer then his shocked brain was ready for._

_"Oh yeah. Pregnant. Me. I'm not even married. I mean, I just found out and naturally I was freaking out. What would daddy say? What would Eleanor throw at Chuck. I mean we are engaged, but it's not exactly a public engagement. And Chuck was being..." Blair looked around the room, trying to search for a word bad enough to encompass what exactly she was feeling towards her fiancé. _

_"Chuck Bass?" Eric offered helpfully._

_"Exactly!" Blair gave a weak smile and Eric noticed her hand protectively cover her stomach. "I was just getting so mad at him, and we got in this huge fight. Well... You know the rest."_

_Eric nodded, speechless. What was he suppose to say? Especially since he noticed Blair had yet to remove her engagement ring which Chuck and he had shopped for._

_"Oh." Blair said, startled and looked down, clutching her stomach._

_"Are you okay?"_

_"Yeah..." She looked up at him and gave a weak smile, "Do you want to feel?"_

_"Feel what?"_

_Blair rolled her eyes and took Eric's hand, placing it on her stomach. It only took a moment before he felt it. Then it was there again. He looked up at Blair and gave the goofiest smile of his life._

_"Your the first one to feel that besides me..." Blair said, staring off into nothing for a moment before looking back at Eric. "Do you know that it constantly kicks? Never a moments peace."_

_"It's amazing Blair."_

_They sat there in silence for a while and Eric's hand never left Blair's stomach. He couldn't comprehend something growing inside tiny Blair Waldorf. And he had never felt a baby kick before either. Eric wondered what Chuck would do when he felt this._

_"Eric," Blair's voice sounded suddenly, breaking the silence. "I need to ask you two favors."_

_"Of course." Eric said automatically._

_"I want you to be godfather."_

_"Wha..."_

_"Shut up. You're a good person Eric. You are exactly what this baby needs. And your the second person to know or feel this child, so it's fitting." She stated, giving him no room to back out, not that he wanted one as he felt it kick again._

_"Okay, what's the other favor?"_

_"You can never tell Chuck."_

Eric didn't know how to react right now. It felt so wrong for Charlotte's feet not to be moving. The first time he ever got to know her she was kicking in Blair's stomach. Then after that she was always restless, always doing something with her feet. Bouncing them, moving, shaking. Nervous gestures as she tapped her feet waiting. Even when she was sleeping, she would move her feet. Always so restless.

And now nothing. Not even a twitch.

Eric wondered if Blair would be as disturbed at this as he was.

* * *

Chuck thought that if he clenched his jaw any more, his teeth would break from the pressure. But he saw no other options at the moment. He had things he had to do and he couldn't let this feeling that was building up inside him get in the way.

He wished his driver would speed more. It was bad enough that for hours they didn't know what happened. He remembered the look of complete horror on Blair's face during the end of the call, and since then everybody has been frantic or hysterical.

Except him and his father, because they knew someone had to be able to do things clearly in the face of whatever was happening. Bass men had to put feelings aside sometimes, but that didn't mean they weren't there underneath the surface. And for the first time in his life, Chuck knew he looked like his father.

His hand automatically rubbed Blair's back as she cried into his silk shirt, as he looked out at the city passing him by. Tonight the blurring lights would give him no comfort. He wouldn't have any comfort until he could see his daughter breathing and his queen look relieved.

If it wasn't for the fact that the bastard who got his daughter into the situation was already in the ER, Chuck would strangle the kid too.

* * *

Blair clutched onto Chuck for her life.

For so many years she had been alone and independent, but she couldn't imagine going through this without him to hold onto. And he didn't say a word, just held her. No more anger, because there were more important things for them to concentrate on.

The most important thing.

She couldn't get the sound of her daughter's scream out of her head, it kept replaying in her mind. Like a sadistic soundtrack with one song that would be forever in her mind. She shuddered against Chuck and he just held her closer.

For some reason Blair thought sadly that no one was holding Alabaster right now and that just made her shake more.

The driver let them out at the hospital entrance and Chuck lead the way. Behind them, Blair saw the rest of the Van der Bass family piling out of another limo, but keeping a respectful distance. Dan was basically holding Serena back though and she looked almost as much of a mess as Blair felt.

* * *

Chuck held back a growl as he approached the desk as he watched the two on duty nurses eying him up and down. Normally, he would take it as a compliment, but right now anything or anyone that acted like the world was alright while his daughter lay alone hurting was the enemy.

He curtly asked the closest nurse for the room number, and kept pace next to her as she lead the way, giving small details of Alabaster's injuries, informing him that a doctor would be by later and that there could only be two visitors at once.

Chuck smirked at the last part and thought of the vast Bass bank account and how it could probably buy numerous visitors.

The feeling of Blair suddenly letting go of him put him into a momentary shock, his arms suddenly feeling very cold as he watched her run the length of the hallway. Chuck clenched his jaw tighter together when he saw Blair stop next to Eric, giving him a quick frantic hug before they started conversing.

Chuck dismissed the nurse and stood his ground, watching them talk, both shotting glances at the door closest to them. For some reason his feet wouldn't move as he watched them interact, a slow burning feeling building in him.

"What's going on Charles?" His father's voice asked behind him. Calm. Collective. Like a true Bass.

Turning around, Chuck suddenly felt the hallway was very small. Before him was his father, dressed in a suit per usual. Tommy, Dan and Serena forming their own private hug party, and his father and Lily standing close together holding hands.

All where looking at him expectantly.

Before he could open his mouth to speak, they could all hear Blair voice clearly ring through the halls.

"Like hell he is staying in there with her." She said harshly enough even for the nurses at the front desk to hear, "He isn't family."

* * *

Blair turned away from Eric and looked at the door. She was aware all eyes were on her at this moment. Raising her head high, she gripped the metal knob firmly and took in a deep breath. She had never been afraid of opening doors before and she certainly wasn't going to start being afraid now.

And nothing was going to keep _her_ away from her daughter.

The room was dark except for a table lamp placed on the bedside table. That was the first thing Blair noticed as she let the door shut behind her. The second thing was how cold it felt, not comforting at all, just cold. She walked towards the bed and looked down at her daughter, completely ignoring the intruder.

Blair focused on Alabaster's eyes, wide and teary as she looked up at her. Focusing on anything else would just bring all the red and purple into focus, all the stitches. Blair couldn't deal with that. All Blair could do was give a sigh of relief that her baby was fine as she took her free hand gently and squeezed it, sitting down in the chair right next to the bed.

Alabaster returned an equally weak smile before, her eyes unfocused. Blair's gaze quickly took in the IV pumping pain killers into her daughter's body and wondered how she was even awake. But she was glad she was awake. Alive. Breathing. Well.

Everything else could be fixed.

Blair looked over at the young man across from her with distrust. As a Waldorf, she could deal with many things at once. But her daughter needed her full attention and she couldn't worry about the enemies son right now.

Alabaster's eyes finally fluttered closed after a few minutes, but her breathing remained even.

Blair took the opportunity to mouth get out to Aidan, fixing him with a look that would freeze Medusa.

* * *

Tommy looked at the sight before him with a hollow feeling in his stomach.

The nurse had come around again then moved everyone into the waiting room, insisting that they couldn't crowd the hallways, no matter how fat their bank accounts were. His uncle Chuck and grandfather were talking to the doctor right now. The thick chart which the doctor held made Tommy want to puke.

Lily and his father were talking to his mother, trying to calm her down. Trying to tell her that Blair would find her when the time was right. Ever since they got the phone call, all his mother could talk about was getting to Blair. And now to be so close, yet far away, must be torture.

And Eric was just pacing in front of the entrance to the hallway. Prowling for his chance. No one could talk to him. Lily had tried, only to get a dead look and a cold shoulder.

Tommy knew he probably would never feel a fraction of what Eric, Chuck or Blair felt at this moment.

Except he did, in a different sort of way for a complicated reason. One he was trying desperately to forget.

Eric stopped his pacing and stiffened, before quickly walking down the hallway. Nobody but Tommy noticed this, Everyone involved in their own little mini disaster. Not one noticed Aidan walking into the waiting room from the entirely wrong direction either.

Tommy stood up and went over to his cousin, weary already.

"What are you doing here?" he asked in a whisper, taking his arm and leading him out of the room before anyone had a chance to notice him.

Aidan looked tired too, and for once not drunk.

"I was here to have my wrist and..." his voice trailed off.

"Do you know what happened to Charlotte and..." Tommy couldn't even bring himself to say the name.

"Yeah." Aidan replied, looking uneasy for a moment, "Do you want me to find out how he is doing? I mean, considering you two..."

Tommy nods, cutting him off before he can say the dreaded word. The word that could destroy his life. His family.

"Find out." Tommy says after a minute under his cousin's penetrating stare, "I have to get back."

With that, he headed back to the waiting room.

* * *

**AN:** Here it is finally, after a ton of rewrites. I'm sorry I didn't get it out faster, but I've been busy with college. I hope everybody likes it. Hopefully I will post the next chapter sometime next week, which will basically be Alabaster's POV from waking up in the hospital, until Blair gets there, plus some other stuff. I know it isn't as long as some people will like, but I thought anything more would be too much. As always I want to thank all my reviewers, you guys are awesome. And I hope you enjoy it! :)


	15. Chapter 14

**_Names and Letters Chapter 14:_**

Charlotte woke up slowly, not opening her eyes at first. Her skin felt warm from sunlight and the room smelled of hydrangea's. There was the sound of two separate people breathing and she realized both her hands felt extremely warm...

_Everything in her upbringing was telling her to be quiet. Dignified. However she couldn't manage it staring at the white ceiling tiles. She was sobbing, and not the soft soundless ones you see in movies. Charlotte was sure she was very loud. But no one was looking, because no one here cared._

_Of course if people were looking, she couldn't tell, her head and body strapped securely to the gurney, making it harder to breath, but somehow lessening the pain in her neck._

_But the throbbing sharp pain erupting everywhere on her body didn't matter to her. Only one thing mattered right now was that she was alone._

_The world went by as if her misery didn't matter and the one person she kept calling for wasn't coming and the dead hollow feeling in her stomach made her think that maybe Sebastian would never come again when she called._

_She started to cry louder and felt a hand connect with her own, a warm feeling filling her body. Combating the pain. Her cries were no long those of pain entirely. Sebastian had found her, or so she thought until she heard a voice so unlike his._

_"Ally?"_

Charlotte pulled both her hands away from their holders with all her strength, holding them close to her body as her eyes opened. It took a minute for her eyesight to adjust before she saw the two faces. Neither of which was Sebastians.

"Baby?" her mother asked, reaching out a delicate hand to push some hair of her face. Charlotte returned a weak smile, before the tears started again.

_Aidan's face looked more blurry then she remembered as she looked up at him. Last time she had seen him she had been with Sebastian. The memory fueled more tears and she tried to turn her head away, but the neck support prevented it. The last rational part of her mind was fuming as to why she always seemed to be at her most vulnerable around Aidan._

_"Christ..." she heard him mutter, "Don't cry."_

_The statement only made it worse for Charlotte. She didn't need some nosy cretin telling her what to do. The pressure in her chest was building with every sob until she felt like she couldn't breath any more._

_"Ally." Aidan's head appeared in her line of vision again, taking up mostly everything. His eyes were worried, but his voice was firm. Locks of blond hair on top his head all messed up. "You need to stop crying, do you understand? You are alright now."_

_It took her a few minutes, but Charlotte finally started breathing with some regularity. Her eyes still burned, but she knew she needed to focus on things right now._

_Aidan smiled down at her and pushed a strand of hair out of her face, the brush of his finger on her face made her cringe in pain as it hit a sore spot._

Charlotte wondered why her face didn't hurt at Blair's action, before she realized she couldn't really feel anything. All the pain she felt so keenly was muted. It was there, but it's presence didn't seem to matter. She was removed from it so completely. Turning her head to the side was slightly uncomfortable, but the sight of her godfather made her smile again. Eric smiled back, and reached out to take both her hands, giving them a squeeze. Her mother was now content with stroking her hair, which Charlotte was sure looked horrible, but didn't care.

She was just happy to be basking in their love and comfort. The little family they had made together didn't need to speak words at moment like this obviously. She turned her head again and looked at her mother and hoped that one day she could be that strong.

Charlotte didn't know how long the moment of contentment lasted before thoughts started going through her head again and she had to break the silence.

"Where are Sebastian and father?"

_"Where is Sebastian?" Charlotte asked suddenly, trying to keep the hysteria she was feeling out of her voice._

_"What happened?"_

_"I... I almost hit.." Charlotte closed her eyes, the world going back as memories started to flash in her head like some bad horror movie. "Then I hit the tree... and..." She opened her eyes again and looked at a very confused Aidan, "Sebastian was with me. Where is he now?" She couldn't keep the fear from her voice._

_"I don't know.. I'll go find out."_

_Charlotte felt his fingers start to unlink with hers, Aidan's head disappearing from her range of view and she felt a sudden fear of being alone again. That he wouldn't__ be back and she would be alone again. Forever. So she gripped onto his hand as tight as she could._

_"Please don't leave me" Charlotte whispered, closing her eyes against the inevitable, because in the end everybody always leaves her._

"Your father is with the doctor's right now." Her mother said calmly, smiling down benevolently like someone Charlotte had seen in a painting at the Louvre once. Thats what her mother was, Charlotte thought with a smile, a priceless piece of art.

"He'll be in back when he can. He is just trying to take care of you the best way he knows how." Eric said, on the other side of her. "He loves you very much."

Blair nodded, "We all love you baby. Everybody is in the waiting room, waiting for you."

Charlotte nodded, thinking of the bigger family she had waiting outside her room. With all the painkillers runner through her system, it took her a minute to realize that her mother hadn't fully answered the question.

"Where is Sparks?"

Her mothers lips pursed and she avoided her gaze. Looking at Eric, she saw his eyes filling with tears.

"But he is fine isn't he...?" Charlotte asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Eric blinked away the tears and shook his head, "No Charlotte, he isn't okay..."

_Aidan kept looking down at her with unreadable eyes. Clearly he had already been able to regain his composer while she was left restrained in agony. She felt like crying again. She felt like getting up and walking out. She felt like slapping Aidan for always seeing her weakest parts. She felt like kissing Sparks again..._

_His very named unleashed a flood of unpleasant thoughts and she felt tears slip down her face again, as each one played out in her mind._

_"Ally?" Aidan asked, leaning down so close so the only thing she could see was his eyes. Clear and deep like precious gems._

_"I killed him, didn't I?" She whimpered, her body shaking under the restraints. Pain shotting up and down her legs and arms nothing compared to how completely her heart hurt the moment she actually spoke the biggest fear on her mind._

_Aidan scrunched his nose and looked around the ER, before turning his gaze back on Charlotte. She couldn't even imagine what he might be thinking at this moment. He looked like a sculpture, one that no one could ever decipher._

_"He's fine. I passed him on my way in." He said in a flat tone._

_"What?"_

_"He left as I came in to get my wrist checked." Aidan shrugged and squeezed her hand again as her world became dark and lonely once more. "I'm sure he'll be back. But until then, you need to be strong..."_

"No." Charlotte says, ripping her hands away from Eric.

"Charlotte..." Eric says, looking worried.

"No!" She screamed, looking at her mother for back up, but finding only a face filled with pity.

"He's fine. He walked out of here last night." Charlotte says, trying to explain it to them. She accepted that he left instead of sticking around to hold her hand. Why couldn't they?

"Alabaster, calm down." Her mother says, placing a hand lightly on her forearm.

"I will not calm down!" Charlotte screams in response, shrugging the arm away.

"Charlotte Alabaster Bass-Waldorf."

Her fathers voice drew all eyes to the doorway which he stood in.

"Calm down. I'll explain everything to you." The other Chuck said softly as he walked into the room. "Eric..." He says, not taking his eyes off Charlotte, "Georgina Sparks is here. Could you please go talk to her?"

Eric nods and leans in to give Charlotte a kiss a on her head, whispering that he'd be back soon, before leaving. Instead of taking the vacated chair, Chuck moves to stand behind her mother, placing both hands on her shoulder.

"When the car hit the tree, Sebastian Sparks went flying out through the windshield and landing nearby on the ground. This is because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt." Chuck's jaw twitches for a moment, but he continues, "You were not wearing one either and are extremely lucky. When the ambulance arrived at the scene, both of you were unconscious. You regained conciseness on the way back. Sebastian wasn't so lucky and spent most of the night in surgery. They finally stabilized him, but from what the doctors can tell, the chances of him waking up are not good..."

Her fathers voice trailed off and she felt her body shaking. She looked away towards the blank wall and tried to keep it together, the pain in her chest starting again. But Charlotte couldn't keep it in and she started crying again. She felt her fathers strong arms encircle around her and pull her into him gently, just letting her cry.

_She couldn't stop crying, clutching on to Aidan's hand, because he was the only one there who she could remotely identify with. And for the first time in Charlotte's life, she was begging._

_"Don't leave..."_

_Aidan stopped glaring at the orderly long enough to look down at her, his thumb rubbing the back of her hand in soft circles._

_"It will only be for a few minutes. They need to take you to get a cat scan. Make sure you didn't break that pretty little neck of yours." He added with a smirk._

_"I don't want to be alone."_

_"I'm here and I will be right here when you get back." He pulled his hand from Charlotte's after some effort and stepped out of her range of sight._

"Alabaster?" her father says finally, minutes after there were no more tears to cry, his arms still encircling around her protectively.

"I destroyed him..." she said to no one in particular.

"No my most precious one..." Chuck said softly in her ear, before pulling away slightly to face her mother, who had been a mute watcher through all of this.

"Blair, can you go get some water please?" He asks, and Charlotte cannot see the look on his face, but the fact that her mother complies tells her it wasn't a request. Her mother leaned over to give her a small kiss on the head before exiting the room. After a few moments, Chuck backs up a few inches so Charlotte can get the full few of his face. He looked tired and worried for the first time since he came in.

"You need to understand that you didn't destroy him." the other Chuck says, and before she has a chance to protest, he shakes his head. "You two were being idiotic teenagers, but that doesn't mean you destroyed him. It was a car accident. An accident."

She lets the words sink in for a moment, before shaking her head. "But I loved him."

Her father looks confused for a moment, one eye brow peaked, before he shakes his head.

"Your a moron like your mother, you know that?"

Charlotte tries to remove herself from his stern grasp, fierce defense of her mother already building in her throat when her father shakes his head.

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just... Blair has an over dramatized view on love." Chuck sighs and looks away towards the door for a moment, before looking at Charlotte again. "Just because your mother and I hurt each other, doesn't mean we destroyed each other. Can't you understand that? It's quite the opposite. We saved each other."

"But..."

"Love plays out differently for everyone, but don't for one second think because you love someone, your destined to hurt them. Promise me?"

_"Promise me."_

_"I promise..." Charlotte says, and wishes she could move her bandaged arm enough to cross her fingers behind her back._

_"You're lying." Aidan states bluntly._

_The nurses had finally taken the neck brace off an half hour ago and bandaged her arms, and some of her leg before she could see the damage. They had also put some stitches in her face. She had calmed down considerably, thanks mostly to the fact they finally gave her painkillers. Now everything was just a little fuzzy and she wanted to see how badly her face was damaged. But Aidan was ardently refusing to bring her a mirror unless she promised not to freak out._

_"Am not." She retorts, but can't quite manage the vemon to make the statemate really sting._

_"Yes, you are." Aidan grins, "Your doing that thing were your mouth says one thing, but your eyes say something else."_

_"You don't know me well enough to know when I lie."_

_"I think I know you pretty well. I know all your dirty little secrets."_

_"No you don't."_

_He looks momentarily anger. "I know you a whole lot better then Sebastian does."_

_Charlotte blushes and looks away because she can't say anything to refute that statement and she hates that its true. Sebastian may know some things, but he doesn't know about the bulimia. She winces at even thinking the word, because that would mean she was sick. Something she wasn't. Aidan's voice interrupts her thoughts._

_"You don't know Sebastian as well as you think either._

_Charlotte turns and raises an eyebrow at this statement._

_"What?" Aidan chuckles, "You don't think he kept secrets from you too?"_

_"And let me guess, you know his secrets too?"_

_His answer is a cocky grin._

_"When Sebastian comes to see me, I hope he punches you."_

_Aidan face goes back to looking blank again, "I hope for your sake he does too..."_

_Silence erupts in the room again, and its not entirely uncomfortable. There is something nagging at the back of Charlotte's mind, telling her something more is happening. She learned well enough when she was being lied too. Before she could voice this, another thought pops into her head._

_"Where is my family?"_

_"You're mother and father are on the way. The hospital had some trouble getting the right contact number for them."_

_Charlotte nods and waits, wondering why everybody said they cared about her so, but couldn't even come to see her sooner. Wondering why Sparks left. Wondering..._

_"You're mother here's." Aidan's voice is very close and she looks over to see his face is inches from hers._

_"Oh..."_

_"You're gonna be okay now. No mother would let anything bad happen to their kid."_

_"You're mother the same way?" She asks out of curiosity._

_Aidan's eyes darken for a moment. "My birth mother is dead."_

_Before Charlotte could say anything in response, the door opened and Blair appeared in the doorway._

"I promise." Charlotte said weakly, her fingers crossed behind her back.

Chuck nodded and gave her a weak smile. "You look like hell baby."

"So do you."

After a beat of silence, they both start laughing and hug each other. Charlotte had to ignore the pain in her chest and arms, but it wasn't hard. Before she knew it, both their laughter had turned into the silent sobs.

The kind you see in movies.

* * *

Tommy walked towards the intensive care unit aimlessly. Not aimlessly, but he didn't want to tell himself any differently. People walked by him without giving him a second look. They probably thought he was just a nurse getting off duty or something to that extent. He had toured the entire hospital before arriving before this one door and looked in at the sad scene, his heart beating fast.

The little window in the door allowed him to look in, and he felt guilty for witnessing something so private.

"Thomas?"

Looking over, he wondered how long his cousin had been next to him.

"Hey..."

"I'm just going to say it. Quick like a band-aid." Aidan said, looking him in the eye. That was one thing he could always count on his cousin for. Brutal honesty.

"Sebastian Sparks has almost zero percent chance of ever waking up."

The words hit him like a thousand knives as he looked back into the room through the window, the sight of Sebastian with tubes shoved down his throat and I.V.'s in his arms making him want to puke. Eric and Mrs. Spark sitting together next to the bed looking devastated as they watched machines having to breath for the boy they both loved in their own way. Tommy felt guilty at once, and tried to bring back all the memories of all the ways Sebastian had tried to destroy his family to cure the guilt, but he couldn't. He knew in his heart that he should have protected him some way.

After all, he was Sebastian's big brother.

* * *

AN: Okay, a huge burst of inspiration hit me, thats why I was able to get this chapter out so quicky. I of course want to thank all my wonderful reviewers, you guys are just awesome. :) Anyways, I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. :)


	16. Chapter 15

**Names and Letters Chapter 15:**

Chuck Bass couldn't help but think the reflection in the mirror wasn't his own, but belonged to a robot that looked like him. An emotionless robot, a cold version of what he once was. No gleam to his eyes, no smirk on his face. Just a distinct impression of hollowness.

He had seen this look many times before, from his father, but he never understood it until now. He never understood the need to shut down all emotions in order to protect someone. To protect himself from the pain.

Since he first found out about the accident, he refused to think of the word death. It was like some unseen cloud hovering in the background. The could have been. Thankfully his daughter escaped that fate. But the look in her eyes suggested otherwise.

He could hear Blair and Eric's voice filter in from the other room, where they were getting his daughter into bed. She was just released and he supposed he should be in there, offering comfort. But he couldn't, he still felt like an intruder when the three of them where together. So he had excused himself and retreated to the privacy of his bathroom.

Now that he saw his reflection, he wondered how long he had looked like this. He also wondered how to turn his emotions back on. There had been a brief moment with his daughter were he felt again, but after that. Nothing.

He wasn't even angry at Eric's presence.

It had taken Lily Van der Woodsen to turn his father's emotions back on, but who did he have? He hadn't even had sex in... he couldn't even remember. Who was he anyways? He wasn't the Chuck Bass he had been in high school. He wasn't even the playboy he had been most of his adult life. He didn't have an identity to fall back on anymore. And he knew for sure he wasn't the same guy who gave Blair a ring so many years ago. Not entirely anyways.

Was this his midlife crisis?

He knew he was a father, even though he came in a little late in the game. He loved Alabaster with all his heart, but he still felt removed from her life. What else was he? A billionaire? A man who wore only the best outfits?

He wanted a family since he could remember. He had his father, and Lily. He had Serena, Dan and Tommy for family forced dinners. He use to have Eric, until he found out how he had betrayed him. He now had a daughter. And Blair? He didn't know what he had with her anymore.

"Chuck?"

Her voice rang out from the other room, questioningly He didn't bother to respond. He didn't want to deal with Blair and their never ending issues. Their never ending reasons why not to be together. Their cursed love was far to much for him to deal with right now. He just wanted to be alone with a bottle of scotch.

"Chuck?" Blair's voice was closer now and he could smell her perfume.

"Did you need something?"

"I just wanted to..." she paused for a moment, "Alabasters in bed and Eric left."

"Okay."

"Thats not it."

Chuck sighed and closed his eyes. "Not tonight Blair. I'm tired."

It was quiet for such a long time that Chuck had thought she left, until he felt her slender arms wrap around him from behind, her head resting lightly on his back.

"B..."

"I'm tired too Chuck."

He sighed and put his hands over hers, relishing in the heat. No matter how many women he had had before and after Blair, she was the only one who ever held him. The only one who ever mattered for anything more then a few hours entertainment.

"You're a good father Chuck." she paused for a second, "And you're a good man."

"Blair..." Part of him wanted her to stay and part of him wanted her to leave. Chuck could feel the mask slipping, could feel emotions starting to come alive again within him. He didn't know if he was ready though.

"I love you Charles Bass." she started, "I have loved you since you first showed me what love truly was. And I know you may never forgive me, but I did what I thought was right at the time and you need to stop punishing me for it. You need to stop punishing yourself."

Chuck couldn't fathom any words to say as he listened to her voice, fluttering building in his stomach.

"It could have been you..." she continued before pausing and he felt the back of his shirt dampen slightly from Blair's tears.

He blinked and removed himself from her embrace, turning to face her.

"Blair?"

"In the car. In any car..." her eyes were filled with tears,

Suddenly it clicked and Chuck opened his mouth to comfort her, but before he could she shushed him.

"She could have died. I could die, you could die. We go around thinking we have time to make things right, but we don't. We think we have time to be happy..."

"We do have time Blair."

"NO!" She screamed, tears falling freely, "We don't know what could happen in the next hour, in the next minute. My only child... she..."

"She's fine Blair. She's home."

"She isn't fine!"

He had nothing to say because he knew Blair was right. Alabaster wasn't fine. The bruises would fade, but the events of that day would stay with her forever. And there wasn't a thing that he or Blair could do to help her, and that killed him. The only person who could help her was probably never going to wake up.

"She will be though." he said, reaching out and taking Blair's hand, craving contact of any type, just to remind him this wasn't some horrible nightmare. "Eventually."

"It's the eventually that worries me."

"She's a Bass, she can get through anything."

"You're a Bass and you can barely..."

"I forgive you." He said it before he could clearly think the repercussions through. He said it before he knew why. He said it because it needed to be said. He said it because something clicked in his mind. He said it because he realized that he needed her as much as she needed him.

"Chuck..."

He pulled Blair against him and kissed her before she had a chance to say anything else.

* * *

Even the simple task of bringing Charlotte home made Eric feel like he was betraying and abandoning Sebastian and Georgina. He wanted to be there for his god daughter, and he was, but he also knew that Georgina didn't have anybody to be there for her.

It was almost as if Eric had adopted Georgina and Sebastian all those years ago.

_"Eric, you remember Georgina?" The fact the Blair looked calm sitting on a park bench next to the person she frequently announced her undying hate for made Eric pause._

_"Hi..."_

_"Eric, you look amazing!" Georgina started at once, "give us a twirl."_

_Blair rolled her eyes, before focusing on something behind Eric. "Alabaster! Don't throw sand!" she yelled, shaking her head._

_"Kids will be kids."_

_"Maybe your kid."_

_"You have a kid?" Eric said in disbelief, looking at Georgina with wide eyes and thinking whoever let her have a kid was completely bonkers._

_"Of course. Sebastian Sparks, he's over there teaching Alabaster how to properly throw sand at people."_

That was the first day Eric had met Sebastian and he was as much of a trouble maker then as he was now.

The thing that surprised Eric most about the situation was that he wasn't angry at Sebastian, or Charlotte. He certainly disapproved of their idiotic choice, but he felt more of a sadness then anything for these two children he watched struggle to grow up sane in broken homes. He felt a profound pang of misery, thinking of how this one careless moment would haunt the rest of their existence.

* * *

Tommy felt a little more then light headed when Aidan finally opened the door to his house and deposited him on the couch. Earlier that day, he couldn't bare continuing his unknown vigil of a brother he hated. He could no longer bare to hear the broken cries of a mother and the bored sighs of his cousin.

So he told Aidan to find a bar and take him there.

He had drank more then he ever had before, toasting the carefree nature he had lost. After awhile, he was even able to ignore the worried looks his cousin was shooting him, one thing and one thing only occupying his mind.

He had wished this on Sebastian.

_"He keeps threatening to tell my mom." Thomas said, gazing out the window into the rain-drenched streets of the city._

_"Why not just let him?" Aidan said from somewhere behind him, "Let everything out in the open."_

_"It would destroy her... it would destroy dad.. it would ruin our family. The lives we've built."_

_"The lives you built are based off a lie!"_

_"You of all people should know that to survive, sometimes families need to lie."_

_Silence was the only acknowledgment for this statement Tommy received. After a few moments, he turned around to view his young 'cousin'._

_"I just don't know what to do."_

_"You can't keep paying him and bailing him out and all those other absurd demands."_

_"If I don't..."_

_"How do you know he won't tell anyways?" Aidan growled, "Listen to me. I know what Sebastian will do, because he and I are alike in so many ways. He will do everything and anything to cause as much destruction and pain in your life, because it's a life he will never have."_

_"What should I do then?" Tommy inquired, easily finding the irony that he should be asking someone so much younger then he for advice. He, who was going to Dartmouth in a few months, asking someone who was barely in highschoo._

_"Nothing." Aidan said, a dark look in his eyes, "I'll take care of him."_

_"Why?"_

_"No one messes with my family."_

Tommy was now sitting on the exact same room where they had had that conversation so many years ago it seemed. The same room where many times he silently prayed for Sebastian to disappear; to go away; to die.

He never knew what Aidan did, only that the two boys hated each other now almost as much as Tommy had _thought_ he hated Sebastian.

* * *

A/N: Wow! So I updated! I'm so so sorry it took me so long (lets not count the months, I already feel guilty enough!) to get this chapter out. I was really busy with school, then the direction the show was taking made me lose inspiration all together. But I finally got back on track. Sorry this chapter was so short, but it's basically setting things up for next chapter, which will have alot of stuff going on with Blair, Chuck and Alabaster. I want to, as always, thank my reviewers, you guys are seriously the best. As you know, I always love reading what you think of the chapters. I would also like to thank all the silent readers. As always, I hope anyone who reads this enjoys! Please R&R.

Disclaimer: I do not own gosisp girl.


	17. Chapter 16

**

* * *

**

Names and Letters Chapter 16:

Charlotte looked down at the white pill, careful not to tilt her head because her neck still hurt at times. She wondered numbly how this moment had come so soon. The doctors had given her almost a two month supply of pain killers. And now that she was left holding the last one, she wondered what she would feel after its effects would wear off in a few hours times.

She wondered how she was going to survive the coming day, devoid of the barrier of narcotic numbness she had become so fond of.

Would her perfect white escape be enough again?

_It was easier to disguise her secret now. Every time she went into the bathroom, her watchful family just went about assuming it was a bad reaction to her pain killers. She alone knew it wasn't. It was a bad reaction to love._

_It wasn't just about escaping now either, it was about punishment._

_She knew for certain, somewhere in her foggy brain, that she deserved her finger stuck down her throat again and again until even the tears wouldn't come. Her never ending penance was all she could give Sebastian now._

_Leaving the bathroom behind, she came to find both her parents standing before her bed, worried and sheepish expressions on their faces. She hadn't been totally clueless these last few days since coming home; she knew something was going on between her father and mother. The whispered conversations, the guilty looks. She braced herself to hear it._

_She wanted to know how they planned out the rest of her miserable life. A weekend here, a week there. A birthday wish over the phone. If she was going back to her old prep school or was to brave the callous Constance Billards, where she would have to newly establish herself as queen._

_"Alabaster, are you feeling sick again?" Her mother asked, worry clouding her face._

_"I'm fine."_

_Charlotte seriously tried to make herself believe that the more she said it, the more it would be true._

_There was a silence, in which Charlotte stood before her parents, examining them both. The tilt of their heads, their expressions, the way their bodies seemed too close._

_That's when it hit her, the very knowledge almost knocking her off her feet._

_"No."_

_"Alabaster..." Her father started, taking a step towards her._

_She didn't want to hear it, her heart pounding up into her throat. She retreated into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. This time she didn't need any help spilling her anguish before __her._

She didn't remember much before the other Chuck had knocked the door open with his own weight, her mother falling in after him. She hated the sight of both of them at that moment. She does remember pulling away from her mothers embrace, and insisting she was fine with it. Over the next few days, they kept asking her over and over if it was fine and she kept saying yes, the word becoming loathsome to her.

But truthfully, she couldn't stand them together. Hadn't they known first hand what love did? Hadn't they seen the complete and irreversible damage her own love had caused? And yet they were together.

She wondered if they really cared about each other or if they just cared about hurting each other more then the other. Of course maybe she was just cursed, their tainted love passed down entirely to her. Flowing through her blood like some inherited disease without a name or cure.

The thought that she was the cause of all misery was interrupted by a knock.

Downing the pill quickly, she opened the door and now stood face to face with Tommy, who she hadn't seen since she was released from the hospital. It almost made her smile, something about him being so instinctively familiar and comforting.

"Hi."

"Mom wants to know who you want to ride with on the way there, us or Bart and Eric."

"Oh..."

"It will be really cramped if you come with us."

The coldness of his voice almost caused her to reel back.

"I'll just go with them then."

Tommy just nodded, an almost stoic expression painted on his once joyful features. He was about to turn to go when Charlotte stepped in front of him, trying to regain some normalcy. If she was to survive the rest of her life, she needed to learn to interact again.

"I've tried calling you."

"Been really busy."

"And texting?" she added meekly, starting to feel drowsy.

All she got was a shrug in response and a quick goodbye, as she watched him walk out the door.

The part of her that still cared about other people thought wondered what she had done wrong this time.

_"Charlotte Alabster Waldorf-Bass." Her godfathers voice said, its tone somewhere between exhaustion and anger._

_"Eric," she replied indifferently, playing with the vase of flowers her mother had put in her room, the smell of hydrangea's reminding her of a home; a life that seems so far away. Where had that life gone now? Surely it was over, the uncomfortable silences at home, the secrets, the mask she wore at school, the laughter with Sparks..._

_"I'm simply not going." She finished her sentence, firmly turning off that train of thought. She had enough to deal with without going down memory lane._

_"Georgina says she would love you to be there."_

_"I'm not Eric."_

_"Stop being stubborn."_

_"No."_

_"You made a mistake, but you think out-of-sight, out-of-mind really works?"_

_"Stop it."_

_"He would want you there."_

_She felt herself caving slowly, the want to see Sebastian. But it wouldn't be Sebastian, it would be some false mockery of the boy she loved. A lifeless corpse, unable to laugh, to speak, to hold her and tell her it was okay._

_"Charlotte..."_

_"Enough Eric."_

_The sternness of a voice not her own caught her off guard and as she turned she was met by the sight of her father, his silhouette barely visible and wondered how long he had been standing there. Eric turned around too and let out a loud sigh._

_"Chuck, you can't let her hide in your ivory-towered hotel for the rest of her life."_

_"And you can't tell me what the hell to do with my family." Chuck replied calmly, but something about him made Charlotte think he was anything but calm._

_"She needs to go see him, it will help."_

_"What she needs is you to leave." her father said icily, "She will go when she wants to."_

Charlotte remembered the look of utter defeat on Eric's face as he slinked away and she felt sad for her obviously fatigued godfather, but not sad enough to not appreciate her father's intervention. She didn't want to see Sebastian. At least not the one laying in a bed. Even the image of him breathing through the assistance of machines and tubes brought fresh tears to her eyes.

No, she could not handle seeing him, or the look in Georgina's eyes, which would mirror her own too closely for comfort.

She slept without much trouble that night, her dress hung up neatly on her closet door. She didn't have nightmares, like she usually did, but instead surreally walked through different memories of her life.

The moment she first met Sparks and he pulled her pigtails and she pushed him down and they then swore a truce. The time when during her fifteenth birthday when Georgina had brought low-class male strippers. The second after her first kiss, when she was eagerly expecting butterflies to erupt and when they didn't, finally settled down with the notion that life is all an act. Things like that filtered in and out of her mind, before her alarm clock ringing awoke her once more, into what now seemed like a more painful world.

She went through the motions she had been taught since before she can even remember when getting ready for any sort of formal or semi-formal event. Charlotte reflected that she had treated her entire life like a semi formal event.

Looking at herself in the mirror, all she saw was an average girl in a somber silk black dress. She had refused to wear anything but black since the accident and her parents engagement party was no exception.

_It had been hard enough that they were together, actually together, but Charlotte didn't understand their constant 'secret' PDA. Holding hands under the table, sneaking kisses in dark hallways, snuggling on the couch after they thought she had gone to bed._

_It had more the flavor of horny teenagers then that of middle-aged parents._

_And right now, Charlotte had the sneaking suspicion that her parents were playing footsie under the table during a family dinner. She didn't know if it was her mothers slight blush, or her father concentrating too much on his food that gave away it away. Of the fact that Eric, in a never ending attempt to bridge a gap that seemed to form between them, had texted her that when he dropped his napkin, he caught them in the act._

_Everybody, except Dan and Tommy were present. Conversation seemed to go on smoothly, thanks to the aid of Serena, who made talking about the weather seem normal and even extravagant. They were halfway through desert when her father rose and cleared his throat._

_"Blair and I have an announcement," he began, looking sheepishly at his own father. Charlotte thought he looked almost like a little boy in that instance, looking for approval._

_Blair stood up next as well, taking Chucks hand, a smile gracing her face; a smile that Charlotte inherited, but never really used anymore._

_"Blair and I are getting married."_

_The commotion was almost deafening as everybody rose from their seats, congratulations and champagne flowing freely. Charlotte put a smile on her face, so anyone who looked at her wouldn't suspect that she was unhappy. It wasn't lady-like to throw temper tantrums. After all, they all thought this was her wish. Her parents, after years apart, find each other again and marry, time never able to conquer their love and now they would all live as one big, happy family._

_It was a storyline out of one of those stupid movies her mother loves to watch._

Eric held the door to the limo open for Charlotte, giving her a big smile as she approached. She returned the smile, though she thought he could tell her heart really wasn't in it. She clentched her handbag tighter as she slipped in, now seated between her godfather and grandfather, as if trying to draw support from the fashionable little thing.

"Have you been to an engagement party before?" Bart Bass questioned as the limo rolled away from the curb and onto incoming traffic. The feeling of being in a moving car disturbed her, but she swallowed her fear.

"A few times."

"Once for Georgina." Eric added, trying to be helpful, but the memory didn't help.

"I didn't know Miss Sparks got married."

"She didn't." Charlotte said softly, remembering. She had been thirteen, and the minute Georgina came home with a engagement ring, Sebastian went on a war path to destroy Gustav, and naturally enlisted her help. He had later told her that he was fine with boyfriends, but the only person he'd ever allow Georgina to marry would be his father, whoever that was.

"Doesn't really surprise me," her grandfather continued, "I probably wouldn't want to wake up one day to see what was under all that eyeliner either."

Charlotte quickly looked over at her grandfather, who seemed to be grinning, if you could call that a grin. Her grandfather had tried to make a joke and for the first time in what seemed like forever, Charlotte started laughing. The thought of her stoic grandfather doing something so out of character was hilarious. Eric quickly joined in the laughter.

"I wasn't joking." Bart tried to say flatly, but failed. So by the time the three reached their destination, even Bart was chuckling softly.

Inside the spacious building, everything was decorated tastefully in bright colors that only her parents could get away with using. As the trio, now completely composed, made their way to the head table, Charlotte was stopped by two older women.

"You must be Charlotte!" The first said with a huge smile, "We knew you mother in high school."

"Yes, I'm Penelope and this is Hazel."

"Your mother and us were practically the three musketeers," Hazel continued enthusiastically, "except with headbands."

"And instead of swords, we had blackberries."

Charlotte could hardly imagine her mother ever letting anyone be her equal, let alone two people. The only people she had ever seen her mother treat with an ounce of respect was the other Chuck and Serena, and Eric, and even that was sparingly.

Charlotte concluded that these two were probably nobodies to her mother, but the good breeding in her won out and she gave them a smile she usually only reserved for the police when trying to talk her way out of something.

"That so nice, I can just see it now." Charlotte added a laugh for good effect.

"You look so much like her, we almost thought you were Blair for a moment."

"I get that a lot."

"Of course, you must meet our daughters some time."

Charlotte nodded and promised she would, before saying she had to get to her family and was able to escape, going not to her family, but straight to the bar. If she was going to make it through the night, she needed something to help.

"Scotch." She snapped at the bartender.

"Isn't it a bit early?"

Turning around, Charlotte spotted the last person she ever wanted to see. She already had enough to deal with today without dealing with Aidan. He knew too much about her, seen too much of her weakness for her to ever be comfortable around him.

"Do you have nothing to do but stalk me?"

"Your at my house."

"What?"

"My family owns this establishment."

"Of course they do..." Charlotte muttered, relieved when her drink was finally given to her and started walking away.

"I'll be here if you need anything Princess."

"Shan't," she called over her shoulder. Her mother met her half way, a smile plastered on her face.

"Alabaster," she said, giving her a small hug, "How are you feeling?"

"A little sore," Charlotte replied honestly, not able to look her mother in the eye. How their roles had reversed over the span of a few months. She could tell that her mother was happy, but also that she was worried.

Charlotte didn't want to ruin her happiness by telling her that she was angry at her for making the same mistake for the third time. That she was angry at her father for not being the one to find them. That she was angry at Sebastian for leaving her and Aidan for knowing all her secrets.

This was suppose to be a happy day. Her unhappiness didn't have room here.

Her mother gave her a sad smile. "If you need to leave early, just text me, okay?"

"Okay."

There was a small silence and Charlotte knew what was coming next.

"Are you sure your okay with this?"

No. "Yes."

Her mother gave her a radiant smile, one that only broke Charlotte's shattered heart more, because she couldn't share in this happiness.

"Come sit with me and your father?"

Charlotte nodded and walked with her mother to the table.

* * *

Tommy walked over to the bar towards his cousin, glad to finally escape his family. The more time he spent around them, especially Charlotte, the more he wanted to spill his guts. But he couldn't do that, not now.

"Having fun?" Aidan asked, lifting his glass in Tommy's direction.

"No."

"You never really do anymore."

"Sorry," Tommy said sarcastically, "I'll try harder next time."

Aidan rolled his eyes, "You don't even like him."

"Doesn't change the fact he is my brother," Tommy said softly, making sure no one could over hear them. He didn't keep this secret from his family all this time just for some random stranger to find out and spill it all over page six. "Maybe if you had siblings you'd understand."

In the silence that followed, Tommy knew he had said the exact wrong thing by the way Aidan suddenly shut down. No quick comeback from his cousin, just a dead stare. Before Tommy could apologize, Aidan held up his hand, effectively silencing him.

"Sorry my parents couldn't live long enough to produce a sibling for me so I could be more empathetic to your drama." He said coldly, before walking away, leaving Tommy feeling more miserable then ever.

* * *

Before Charlotte knew quite what she was doing, she changed direction and followed Aidan, trying to catch up with him. She had been on her way to the bar to try to talk to Tommy again when Aidan walked by her. Maybe it was the look on her face that concerned Charlotte, because she had seen that look before on her own face just before she was about to do something stupid.

She caught up with him outside, grabbing his arm and turning him to face her.

"Not now." he said harshly before she could even speak. They stood there for a few moments glaring at each other before the valet pulled up in what was obviously Aidan's car. It took Charlotte a few second, as Aidan was heading around to the driver's side to decide what to do.

By the time Aidan got into the drivers seat, Charlotte was already buckled in.

"Leave." he snarled, his eyes dark.

"No." Charlotte said, giving him her most pleasant smile. He had been there for her during her darkest hour, so she owed him this much. Plus, it also served as a great distraction from the mess she called her life.

"Fine." he said, after a few moments, turning the car on and slamming on the gas pedal, speeding off into the night.

* * *

Eric undid his tie as he went into the private hospital room that Georgina had paid for. She was sitting right where he had left her this morning, her hand holding onto Sebastian's. If someone had told him twenty years ago that Georgina Sparks would ever love another person more then herself, he would have laughed in their faces and called them delusional.

Now he knew better.

"Hey." he said softly, alerting her to his presence.

She quickly looked his way, her eyes searching behind him.

"Charlotte's not here."

"Oh..." she said softly, taking her eyes off him and looking back at her sleeping son.

"Sorry."

"Its fine," she said, trying to sound strong, "Its just that sometimes I think that if she comes, he'll... Damn, I'm starting to sound like Blair."

"There are worse people to sound like," Eric offered, taking up his post in the chair next to her.

"Like?"

Eric thought about it for a moment, "Your mother?"

Georgina inhaled sharply and gave Eric a stern look, "Rue that day."

Eric smiled, "Blair says she'll stop by tomorrow."

Georgina smiled at this, "How was the reception?"

Eric shrugged and started telling Georgina every detail he could remember. Ever since the accident, she hadn't seen the outside world, so he had taken it upon himself to be her link to the land of the living.

It made him feel good that at least he could help someone, even if he couldn't help Charlotte.

* * *

"Slow down!" Charlotte screamed, watching as they swerved in and out of traffic.

"You wanted to come."

Charlotte swore, trying to block out memories.

"Don't be scared, I'm hardly ever crash."

"Thats comforting," Charlotte muttered, trying to figure out a way out of this. She was definitely never going anywhere with Aidan Archibald ever again.

"My dad died in a car crash."

For the first time since the car ride from hell started, Charlotte actually looked at Aidan, curiosity and adrenaline pumping through her in equal amounts.

"My mother was in the hospital having me and dad was trying to get there I guess. So excited he didn't even see the stop sign." Aidan said softly, "Around the same time, my mother died having me... In a way I killed my own parents."

Charlotte could feel tears welling up in her eyes as she looked at Aidan. She was almost sure she had only heard of things as tragic as that in books.

"See, what I don't get about you people," he continued, his voice starting to break slightly from the torrent of emotions coming up in him, "is that your family, your relatives, your parents are alive and you still aren't happy. You can't even enjoy what you have. You and Tommy and every other kid I know are so damn unhappy. You can go home and talk to your parents. I don't even have a picture with my parents. All I have is one grave stone, I don't even know where they buried my mother. My darling stepmother won't tell me."

Tears were running down Charlotte's face by the time he finished his story. For the first time in her life, she wasn't crying about own life; her own mistakes and regrets. She genuinely felt sorry for Aidan.

Reaching over, she put one hand over Aidan's and breathed a sigh of relief as the car started to slow down a little. There drove in silence for a long time before Charlotte finally decided to speak.

"I'm angry that my parents can be happy while I'm so unhappy and I put the one guy I'm in love with in a coma."

"I still win..." Aidan said, not looking over at Charlotte, "but you come in close second."

"Thanks." Charlotte said miserably.

There was more silence, which wasn't exactly uncomfortable. Charlotte thought it was nice to finally be around someone who was as broken as her.

"Do you want to see my yacht?"

Charlotte gave Aidan a small smile, "Sure."

* * *

Blair walked into 1812 after Chuck, looking around the familiar room and for the first time noticing not a lot had changed. Like their love, it was in almost mint condition. Walking over to the couch she sat down, tired.

Chuck gave her a small smile, "Did you like your party?"

"Our party... Charles." she said, playfully.

Chuck made a face in return, before sitting down next to her, "Unless you want me to start calling you Cornelia, knock that off."

Blair gave him a devilish grin before pulling out her phone and sending a quick text to Alabaster to call her in the morning.

Chuck instantly guessed who she was texting. "Is she okay?" He asked, full of worry. Blair smiled reassuringly at Chuck. It melted her heart how much he loved their daughter and she felt idiotic for ever doubting it. Touching his cheek lightly, she gave him a soft kiss before pulling back.

"As okay as she's going to be for awhile. She told me she might leave early, but I still want her to call me in the morning."

"We should all go out to breakfast tomorrow." Chuck stated more then asked.

"We can do dinner" Blair said, suddenly feeling sheepish. "We have the counseling session in the morning, then I have to go visit Georgina."

Chuck got very quiet as well and leaned back, looking at the wall across from him. Tomorrow would be the first time they would talk about their problems since they had gotten back together. The past two months, they had carefully avoided any subject that could lead to an argument. But the priest had refused to marry them until they went through the counseling course. Both Chuck and Blair were dreading tomorrow.

Blair's cellphone broke the silence and she looked down in confusion.

"It's Eric," she said, before answering.

* * *

Charlotte had lost track of time since she had gotten on Aidan's boat. The gentle rocking from the harbor calming her, as well as the alcohol. They were on their third bottle when she heard her phone ring and got up to go get it.

"Don't." Aidan said, grabbing her wrist and pulling her down on top of him. The noise of her cellphone melted into the distance as he kissed her.

Charlotte found after a seconds, that if she closed her eyes, she could pretend it was Sebastian.

* * *

Blair paced back and forth as she waited for the limo to come to take her to the hospital, her phone held between her head and shoulder. After a few rings, it finally went to voice mail.

"Alabaster, baby, when you wake up come to the hospital. Sebastian's awake."

* * *

A/N: Okay! Sorry the chapter took so long. I had midterms, then a crazy spring break. Plus, this is like the chapter that would never end. First off though, I want to thank all of my reviewers. You guys seriously inspire me to keep writing this story. :) :) Second, I'm going to go ahead and hide from everybody who probably hates this chapter, especially the way it ended. Hopefully I will be able to update soon. Thank you again to all the people who review and read this story, I hope you continue liking it and the characters! :)


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